Tony Jones Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 ... that I wish I could use (but unfortunately my job prevents it!): "Hello, Tony's answering machine isn't working. This is his fridge. Leave a message and I'll stick it to myself with one of these little magnets." "Hello, this is Tony. I AM at home, but the machine is on because there's someone I don't want to speak to. Leave a message, and if I don't call you back it's you!" Any other good ones? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel B Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 "Hello .... (heavy breathing in background) ... this is (more heavy breathing) ... I can't come to the phone right now (more breathlessness) ... as I'm otherwise indisposed ........ YES, YES, YES!!! Sorry about that (all calm in background) ... leave a message and I'll ring you back later when I'm free". Of course you need to understand the reason for all the breathlessness ... the person recording the answerphone message was just doing a bit of running on the treadmill and reached the elusive end! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Jones Posted March 29, 2007 Author Share Posted March 29, 2007 Thanks Mel, I'd love that one - but like the others it wouldn't sound right on MY phone, would it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Usinmyknaus Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 During Ronald Reagan's presidency a member of a club I was in had a message recorded by a mimic which was extremely close to the sound of the real thing. In very conversational tone, it went " Hi, this is Ronald Reagan, I'm staying with my good friend XXXX but he's out right now. If you would like to give me the message I'll personally ensure he receives it." A lot of callers hearing it for the first time became flustered and hung up. Bob Oh, if anyone reading this is not of an age to drive a motor home, Ronald Reagan was the 40th President of the United States of America... Ah, if anyone of an age to drive a motorhome takes offence at the age thing, I was only joking... I'll stop digging now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel B Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Only in America could a cowboy become President ... thank goodness Arnold Schwartzenigger wasn't born in America otherwise he'd make it too!!!! Fortunately good old Clint Eastwood saw sense! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Newell Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 I've often been tempted to do: "Good morning, Dave Newell speaking ............................................................................................................................................................I'm sorry but you're talking to my answering machine, please leave your name and number and I'll call you back. D. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel B Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Don't think it's be toooooo good for business though Dave! :D The worst answerphone messages are those that go on for ages, like the one for one of the campsite clubs, it takes ages as you press no *, the no *, yet another message, then more press button no * etc. When you eventually get through you've lost the will to live and can't remember what you were ringing about in the first place or you then get "We're sorry, all our operators are busy at the moment, please try again later"!!! AAAARGHHHHHHHHH!!!! >:-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Newell Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 I don't know Mel, as most people start off by telling their name at least I'd have that to go on instead of the numerous people who will not, under any circumstances, talk to a machine. *-) D. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 How about.................Hi You Know what to do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
breakaleg Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 it gets me when they say; press one to renew your insurance press two for a new policy press three for a claim form press four etc only when someone answers, they say hello how may i help you! with all the buttons you have pressed, they still don't know what you want? pete Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Jones Posted March 31, 2007 Author Share Posted March 31, 2007 Yes, those "menu" ones are really infuriating. Personally, I think all the "menu options" are completely meaningless, it's just to give you the impression that something's happening (plus, the telecom people are charging you for that time, which they couldn't if it was just ringing out!). At one time, you could beat it with will-power - if you just refused to press any buttons it'd think you had an old dail-phone, and eventually put you through to someone. Nowadays that doesn't work - if you don't press numbers they make you say numbers out loud! But you've set me thinking..... maybe I could have a message like that: "Hi, this is the Joneses and the Baptist Church. Your call is really important to us. If you want to discuss a personal problem, press 1. If you want to arrange a funeral press 2. If you want to arrange a wedding, press 3. If you want to know more about our church, press 4." ... and so on, to about 12. Then, whichever they've pressed, the next message would be: "All our operators are busy at the moment. WHY DON'T YOU GET YOUR A**E OUT OF BED ON SUNDAY AND COME AND SEE US?" No, it's not going to work, is it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest starspirit Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Surely Tony a christening should be option 1, wedding option 2, and a funeral the very last option? We are sorry that our operator is always busy but it is not our fault you chose to call at a busy time or when she is making the tea and we would like to remind you that although your call is important to us we are not here for your convenience as we have a church to run. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel B Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 No, no, a wedding should come first, then the Christening (at least 9 months later!) and hopefully the funeral after a veeeerrrrryyyyyy long pause! (lol) How about: "Hi, it's Tony here, you know the one you've just rung who shakes you down every Sunday for money, makes you feel guilty for thinking 'naughty' thoughts (especially about chocolate), smiles inanely whatever happens (no relation to Hannibal Lector), and can talk the hind leg off a donkey - so if you REALLY want to talk to me leave me your number, go on, I dare you." (lol) (lol) (lol) (lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Jones Posted March 31, 2007 Author Share Posted March 31, 2007 Grateful to both of you, but the clue is in the title - I left out christenings because Baptists don't actually DO them. (More on that if anyone wants it, but not otherwise since it's "off-thread." And since it's MY thread I'm not going off it!!!) And Mel, I'm deeply hurt. The very idea that I could shake people down for money AND make them feel guilty at the same time ... Tony Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest starspirit Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 I was responding to current trends in our society Tony where a christening seems to occur prior to a wedding these days. How on earth am I ever gonna save up for a new £50k van if people like Tony keep trying to shake me down for money whenever I go near a church for a funeral, christening or wedding (listed in order of frequency at my age!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Jones Posted March 31, 2007 Author Share Posted March 31, 2007 Your next van is completely safe Richard, we don't take collections at ANY of those! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest starspirit Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 Tony Jones - 2007-03-31 7:46 PM Your next van is completely safe Richard, we don't take collections at ANY of those! Thank someone for that Tony - but wait a minute - why don't you try collecting on CC sites as they always seem to be full of nice generous people? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel B Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 Tony Jones - 2007-03-31 6:58 PM Grateful to both of you, but the clue is in the title - I left out christenings because Baptists don't actually DO them. (More on that if anyone wants it, but not otherwise since it's "off-thread." And since it's MY thread I'm not going off it!!!) And Mel, I'm deeply hurt. The very idea that I could shake people down for money AND make them feel guilty at the same time ... Tony Tony, I know it's Baptisms at Baptist Churchs, but I was being more 'general' - my 2 brothers were both 'baptised' in their late teens (good excuse for a freebath! (lol) ) As for shaking people down for money AND making them feel guilty ... you'd better keep praticing!!! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Jones Posted April 2, 2007 Author Share Posted April 2, 2007 I'm trying to track down where this unhealthy obsession with money came from on this thread. I think it was Mel's fault. Certainly wasn't my idea! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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