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CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
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userhymer1942
Posted: 5 March 2007 8:31 AM
Subject: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 
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Hi I am the "captain" of a Hymer but it has no "mate", so lone travel does not appeal, are there any "mates" out there who are looking for Motorhome companionship with a just retired gentleman, and seewhere it leads.
userhowie
Posted: 5 March 2007 10:32 AM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


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Location: Dunnshargin


Hi Barrie. Like most things in life experiences are besy shared with others, especially travel and motorhoming.
You could try "The New Companions Club" which caters for single, divorced or separated people. Their address is as follows.

Mrs June Lawrence
51 Copse Hill
Harlow
Essex
CM19 4PN

This address comes from page107 of the March edition of MMM, but hopefully others on this forum can help you find your "mate".
usermichele
Posted: 5 March 2007 12:00 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


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Barrie,
One time not so long ago there was a lady on here asking to a travel companion. I dont know what she put as the thread title but I remember it and she liked walking reading travel O&A .

Perhaps you could search for something with travel companion in it I will try for you .

Good Luck in your quest

userstarspirit
Posted: 5 March 2007 12:10 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


There is also the 'Phoenix Group' and 'The Loners Group' both of whom appear in the MMM clubs list.

There are also CCC and MCC weekend rallies where you might feel a bit out of place to start with but most groups are friendly and welcoming

You could try an email to the editor of MMM.

I did exactly this, and he published it a couple of years ago following which I had lots of emails and from these and the following conversations I gained the impetus to start using the van again if only to go and meet some of these good and kindly folk.

I did not really ever expect to find anyone with whom I wanted to share my life from this episode but as a learning curve it did get me going again, and I met several ladies with whom some good times were shared - in separate vans - mostly!

Following a month long solo trip to the Outer Hebrides and just when I was beginning to think that perhaps being alone was not so bad after all I met a lovely lady completely by chance whilst out walking the dog and we have been together for a while now. She too loves the van way of life which is always a bonus of course.

A dog is a heck of a tie in may ways but during the dark days following the loss of my wife it was the dog that was my life saver, keeping me sane, and keeping me going and 'leading' to me meeting (or is that collaring?) lots of people who would otherwise have just nodded and passed me by.

All I can say is try everything and see what suits you and your lifestyle best.

Heartfelt best wishes, and feel free to email me privately if I can help talk things through - I've been there and I understand the feelings all to well.

Richard.

userhowie
Posted: 5 March 2007 12:25 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


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Location: Dunnshargin


Glad to see you finding some positives in your life Richard. No more than you deserve and for having the courage to pick up the pieces and making the most of what life gives us.
userstarspirit
Posted: 5 March 2007 2:14 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


I have always been a positive realist Howie.
When we are alone no one else in the world other than ourselves will ever make things happen for any of us.
What has happened in the past has happened and there is no going back and no point in blame, recrimination, self pity or other negative feelings as they are so destructive
We each have to take charge of our own destiny and do whatever it takes to make things happen or suffer the consequences.
Healthy doses of trust and optimism tinged with a spoonful each of realism, scepticism and, at times, downright cynicism have all been good allies for me.

Here endeth the first lesson from the gospel according to Richard

Edited by starspirit 2007-03-05 2:15 PM
userFrank Wilkinson
Posted: 5 March 2007 2:48 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


I have to say that I admire that. We seem to live in an age where people need counselling if they lose their cat.

If anything were to happen to my wife I like to think that I would be pragmatic and try to get on with life.

We actually don't have a lot of choice but some people just can't grasp that and prefer self indulgence and self pity. Which is a shame for them, as those of us like you reap far greater rewards, which is exactly what your wife would have wanted I'm sure.

userstarspirit
Posted: 5 March 2007 3:14 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


I don't think it is right for anyone to condemn counselling.
For a start the good volunteers of 'cruse' do a fantastic job of helping bereaved people although it just was not for me.
However it must be said that the human contact that I sought amounted, by and large, to the same thing if I am honest
Everyone has a different way of handling these things and until you have been through it you will not know how you will cope.
For me it was much easier talking to, what where at that point, strangers than to my own family and friends who were just too close.
Self pity is, I believe, a stage we all have to go through and all that varies is the length of time it lasts.
For me it was very short - a few days - before I began to realise that - 'hey, look I'm the one who is living, why should I be despondent - time to start the rebuilding process'.
I am so lucky that my 'new' partner is very kind and understanding (well she would have to be to cope with me eh?) and even nearly three years on when I still occasionally get tearful moments - (like now!) we are always here for each other.
userFrank Wilkinson
Posted: 5 March 2007 3:36 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


I don't recollect actually condemning counselling, but being critical of those who need it for relatively trivial things in life.

It is a fact that nowadays if a pupil dies, the entire school seems to be given counselling - how did we ever manage in my day?

I'm afraid that I'm a glass is half full person, rather than half empty and I just feel that in many cases where counselling is inflicted on people, we are simply prolonging their sorrow by talking about it and by reinforcing their belief that for every tragedy that life throws at us we are entitled to some kind of professional prop to lean on. 

But as you know, I'm a well known member of the British Right Wing Stiff Upper Lip Party, who thinks that wet liberals are the main reason for the state that our country is in today!

userWingpete
Posted: 5 March 2007 4:15 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


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How far do you intend travelling with this" new companion" Barrie ?
I only ask for if you are going to the ends of the earth, and have loads of dosh, you could take my Ex-Wife along.
It would save me a packet as well.
userstarspirit
Posted: 5 March 2007 4:17 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


Perhaps if you ever get to experience the loss of your wife Frank, and I sincerely hope that you don't, you might change your views.
Until then you might like to stop talking through your lower orifice on a subject of which you know nothing.
I set out on this thread to assist a fellow human being and I object to you hijacking the thread for your own political purposes.
userFrank Wilkinson
Posted: 5 March 2007 4:59 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


And here's me thinking I was saying something nice in how I admired the way that you'd got on with your life. And I would have thought it obvious to anyone that the political comment was a jokey self-deprecating dig at myself.

Ah well! I'll just give up I think!

userpeter
Posted: 5 March 2007 8:51 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


My god. Even when Frank is being concilliatory you have to have a go don't you Richard. I was beginning to think that you were both to blame for the aggro between you. But your above remarks are well out of order.

Sorry for going off topic but I had to respond in Franks defence.

Edited by peter 2007-03-05 8:59 PM
userhymer1942
Posted: 5 March 2007 9:11 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 
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Location: Blackpool


do you think if I put yhe topic back on again those two who are selfish and just divert things would stay off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
usercarioca
Posted: 5 March 2007 9:20 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


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hi barrie as you say back to the real thread,try asking empress theres three or them maybe they can help out
userFrank Wilkinson
Posted: 5 March 2007 10:50 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


hymer1942 - 2007-03-05 9:11 PM do you think if I put yhe topic back on again those two who are selfish and just divert things would stay off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry Hymer, there was no deliberate intention to divert things. It was Richard (Starspirit) who mentioned about getting on with life after a loss and I was merely saying that I admired that in a man.

Threads very easily get diverted slightly on a forum but no one sets out with the intention of purposely diverting them. It's like normal conversation, sometimes you just go off on a tangent!

userMel B
Posted: 6 March 2007 8:53 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


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Frank Wilkinson - 2007-03-05 3:36 PM

I don't recollect actually condemning counselling, but being critical of those who need it for relatively trivial things in life.



IMO only the person who is affected by such a bereavement, be it human, animal, pet etc, can decide whether or not affects them badly or trivially. Loosing a cat or dog to some is a shame but not much more than that, to others they are much more than that and are part of the family, so loosing them is like loosing a 'relation', especially if you've had to nurse them etc in their latter days. What may be trivial to you may not be to them and vice versa. If people need counselling, for whatever reason, don't condemn them, it's their loss and they are entitled to deal with it as they see fit without criticism from anyone.
userempress
Posted: 6 March 2007 9:43 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


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I did wonder about replying to Barrie, but decided he wanted a serious reply. And how would he possibly decide which one of us would be suitable. A very hard choice!

Empress
userFrank Wilkinson
Posted: 6 March 2007 10:06 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


Mel B - 2007-03-06 8:53 PM
Frank Wilkinson - 2007-03-05 3:36 PM

I don't recollect actually condemning counselling, but being critical of those who need it for relatively trivial things in life.

IMO only the person who is affected by such a bereavement, be it human, animal, pet etc, can decide whether or not affects them badly or trivially. Loosing a cat or dog to some is a shame but not much more than that, to others they are much more than that and are part of the family, so loosing them is like loosing a 'relation', especially if you've had to nurse them etc in their latter days. What may be trivial to you may not be to them and vice versa. If people need counselling, for whatever reason, don't condemn them, it's their loss and they are entitled to deal with it as they see fit without criticism from anyone.

Yes, but regrettably you are one of those happy to perpetuate a system that gradually weakens society by producing generations of people unable to deal with the kind of thing that life throws at us, and which happen to everyone of us.

Every single person at some time in their life will lose someone, be it a parent, which I've recently gone through, or a spouse or even a pet. We will eventually produce a nation incapable of dealing with anything. After someone has needed counselling because their cat has died they will ultimately be demanding it if their car gets damaged!

Personally I think that many people today are self centred and self indulgent and they are the ones who need counselling for what I consider trivial things.

I've said this before and I'll say it again. Anyone feeling sorry for themselves after a trivial matter (and I'm not talking here about the loss of a child or spouse) should walk down to the nearest war memorial and read the names of all those young people who never grew old enough to need counselling for some of the nonsense that generates it today. Every one of us in my generation should be eternally grateful that we've grown up without terrible wars and in a Western democracy where life is long and luxurious compared to most parts of the world.

You are very welcome to your opinion Mel on the issue of counselling but I happen to disagree with you and will continue to argue that it is in the main unnecessary and an indulgence.

usermichele
Posted: 6 March 2007 10:44 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


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Location: Rapido ..ask him what size


empress - 2007-03-06 9:43 PM

I did wonder about replying to Barrie, but decided he wanted a serious reply. And how would he possibly decide which one of us would be suitable. A very hard choice!

Empress
And why not what do you mean a serious reply
three lovely ladies >I,m sure barrie would be lucky.
userhowie
Posted: 6 March 2007 11:45 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


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Location: Dunnshargin


empress - 2007-03-06 9:43 PM

I did wonder about replying to Barrie, but decided he wanted a serious reply. And how would he possibly decide which one of us would be suitable. A very hard choice!

Empress
Whatever choice he makes he,s on a winner.
userempress
Posted: 7 March 2007 12:59 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


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Howie, you and Michele are too kind!

Empress
userstarspirit
Posted: 7 March 2007 8:02 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


hymer1942 - 2007-03-05 9:11 PM

do you think if I put yhe topic back on again those two who are selfish and just divert things would stay off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




If that was directed at me Barrie - it just does not become you.
However I will refrain from answering any of your future threads as you wish, and good luck with your quest.
userMel B
Posted: 7 March 2007 8:06 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


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Frank Wilkinson - 2007-03-06 10:06 PM

Yes, but regrettably you are one of those happy to perpetuate a system that gradually weakens society by producing generations of people unable to deal with the kind of thing that life throws at us, and which happen to everyone of us.



You don't appear to have read my post carefully enough Frank, I'm not perpetuating anything, just trying to understand the situation that some people find themselves in - some deal with things in different ways and just because you appear to be content and fortunate enough not to seem to need counseling etc doesn't mean that everyone is able to deal with things without some help, whatever the caused of their distress may be. I dare say that if it had been available during the wars to people that needed it then, there would've been a lot less suffering going on both during and afterwards, especially for those who were shell shocked etc. Yes some people take it to extremes but again it that's how they handle things and it's up to them, not us, to decide what they should do.

Personally criticising me by saying that I am "regrettably ... one of those happy to perpetuate ... a weakened society" is rather insulting but I must add, nothing that I didn't expect ....
userstarspirit
Posted: 7 March 2007 8:12 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


Once again FW's posting gives away his true belligerent and self opinionated viewpoint.

No man is an island and if he is then something is probably missing.

The loss of a parent (or both) is nothing like the loss of a partner, or even dare I say it a much loved pet in my experience.

A partner, a child or even a pet is someone you share you daily lives with and build a very close bond with over time whilst at the same time, usually but not always, loosening bonds with parents. That is not to say not loving parents, just doing it in a different way.

For most of us, we expect our parent to get old and die. That is the nature of things.

Counselling and the general handling of grief is a very individual matter and NOBODY has the right to say what is right or wrong for someone else.



Edited by starspirit 2007-03-07 8:13 PM
userFrank Wilkinson
Posted: 7 March 2007 9:22 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


starspirit - 2007-03-07 8:12 PM Once again FW's posting gives away his true belligerent and self opinionated viewpoint. No man is an island and if he is then something is probably missing. The loss of a parent (or both) is nothing like the loss of a partner, or even dare I say it a much loved pet in my experience. A partner, a child or even a pet is someone you share you daily lives with and build a very close bond with over time whilst at the same time, usually but not always, loosening bonds with parents. That is not to say not loving parents, just doing it in a different way. For most of us, we expect our parent to get old and die. That is the nature of things. Counselling and the general handling of grief is a very individual matter and NOBODY has the right to say what is right or wrong for someone else.

How amusing to read the teapot calling the kettle black!

I seem to remember you starting a thread, the basis of which was that religion is bunk and that those of us who believe in God are deluded. Were you being self opinionated and belligerent, or were you, like me, simply expressing a view that you firmly believe?

Well, I think that those who need counselling for trivial reasons are weak and self indulgent but of course if I have an opinion in which in believe strongly then I'm belligerent and self-opinionated!

I have never once said that counselling should be banned, or that you or anyone else can't have your opinion on it but, as you are entitled to your opinion, surely I am entitled to mine?

It's a pity that you, acting just as a fascist would, feel that you can stifle my views by insults such as the one that started your post.

I'm getting a little sick of the constant implication that if someone has a perfectly valid opinion on a subject and voices it forcefully, that he is somehow self-opinionated and belligerent.

And as for your nonsensical statement that no one has a right to say what is right or wrong for someone else, what do you think about people who persuade young men to become suicide martyrs? What do you think about people who play loud music knowing that it can be heard by others in adjoining flats? I think that these two examples are wrong and that people shouldn't do these things.

If you feel that counselling is a good thing and argue strongly for it, I don't think that you are self-opinionated and belligerent, I obviously feel that you are wrong, but I would never deny you your right to say it.

For a man who is constantly banging on about free speech I find it quite amusing that, when that free speech doesn't accord with your views, you suddenly change your mind about free speech and those who are disagreeing with you are self-opinionated and belligerent.

Do us all a favour Richard - go away and polish your jackboots and give us all a rest from real belligerence and self-opinion!

userFrank Wilkinson
Posted: 7 March 2007 9:40 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


Mel B - 2007-03-07 8:06 PM
Frank Wilkinson - 2007-03-06 10:06 PM

Yes, but regrettably you are one of those happy to perpetuate a system that gradually weakens society by producing generations of people unable to deal with the kind of thing that life throws at us, and which happen to everyone of us.

You don't appear to have read my post carefully enough Frank, I'm not perpetuating anything, just trying to understand the situation that some people find themselves in - some deal with things in different ways and just because you appear to be content and fortunate enough not to seem to need counseling etc doesn't mean that everyone is able to deal with things without some help, whatever the caused of their distress may be. I dare say that if it had been available during the wars to people that needed it then, there would've been a lot less suffering going on both during and afterwards, especially for those who were shell shocked etc. Yes some people take it to extremes but again it that's how they handle things and it's up to them, not us, to decide what they should do. Personally criticising me by saying that I am "regrettably ... one of those happy to perpetuate ... a weakened society" is rather insulting but I must add, nothing that I didn't expect .... :-|

I can assure you that I read your post very carefully before I replied and I see no difference in this latest response  that would make me change my mind as to your views on this subject, to which it seems I must now constantly keep saying, you are perfectly welcome to hold. I just don't agree with them.

Anyway, I'm glad that once again, I didn't disappoint you. I try to be of service.

The only good that seems to be coming from this thread is that people are beginning to realise that it's not just me who is aggressive and belligerent, if indeed I am!

And I don't mean you by the way.

Edited to say - I won't post any more on this subject. I don't want to encourage another long battle with you know who.

I've no doubt that he'll want to get in his last little dig so we'll let him and all carry on enjoying this forum and I hope, accepting that people are entitled to firmly held beliefs, no matter how unpalatable they may be to one or two of the more narrow-minded. 



Edited by Frank Wilkinson 2007-03-07 9:44 PM
usertwooks
Posted: 7 March 2007 10:17 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


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so Barrie, are you sorted OK, are you starting a new thread and trying again, or have you fled in panic I wonder.

userHymer C 9.
Posted: 7 March 2007 10:29 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


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I have watched the threads that Frank & Richard to and fro with one another and it really does not seem right to take over someones thread like this if they really need to have these debates, which they don't seem to let go why can't they just send messages to each others pm inboxes for private debate and let the thread continue as they should, sorry but thats just my thoughts, and Hymer captain I would try the thread again don't give up on the forum because it really is a friendly helpful place this just went off thread. Carol




Edited by Hymer C 9. 2007-03-07 10:38 PM
userFrank Wilkinson
Posted: 7 March 2007 11:34 PM
Subject: RE: CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE
 


Hymer C 9. - 2007-03-07 10:29 PM I have watched the threads that Frank & Richard to and fro with one another and it really does not seem right to take over someones thread like this if they really need to have these debates, which they don't seem to let go why can't they just send messages to each others pm inboxes for private debate and let the thread continue as they should, sorry but thats just my thoughts, and Hymer captain I would try the thread again don't give up on the forum because it really is a friendly helpful place this just went off thread. Carol

You are absolutely right and I'm sorry. You will notice that I did not start this aggro but it's true that I did respond to his attack on me. When you've been attacked it's a fairly natural reaction to fight back, which I did and it's easy to forget that the thread's being diverted.

I too would like to reassure Hymer1942 that normally this forum is fine. I'm a relative newbie and have learned an awful lot from other people. So stick with us please! If you read some other threads you'll see that some of us also have a good laugh!



Edited by Frank Wilkinson 2007-03-07 11:35 PM
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