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CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR A MATE


hymer1942

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Hi Barrie. Like most things in life experiences are besy shared with others, especially travel and motorhoming.

You could try "The New Companions Club" which caters for single, divorced or separated people. Their address is as follows.

 

Mrs June Lawrence

51 Copse Hill

Harlow

Essex

CM19 4PN

 

This address comes from page107 of the March edition of MMM, but hopefully others on this forum can help you find your "mate".

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Barrie,

One time not so long ago there was a lady on here asking to a travel companion. I dont know what she put as the thread title but I remember it and she liked walking reading travel O&A .

 

Perhaps you could search for something with travel companion in it I will try for you .

 

Good Luck in your quest

 

 

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Guest starspirit

There is also the 'Phoenix Group' and 'The Loners Group' both of whom appear in the MMM clubs list.

 

There are also CCC and MCC weekend rallies where you might feel a bit out of place to start with but most groups are friendly and welcoming

 

You could try an email to the editor of MMM.

 

I did exactly this, and he published it a couple of years ago following which I had lots of emails and from these and the following conversations I gained the impetus to start using the van again if only to go and meet some of these good and kindly folk.

 

I did not really ever expect to find anyone with whom I wanted to share my life from this episode but as a learning curve it did get me going again, and I met several ladies with whom some good times were shared - in separate vans - mostly!

 

Following a month long solo trip to the Outer Hebrides and just when I was beginning to think that perhaps being alone was not so bad after all I met a lovely lady completely by chance whilst out walking the dog and we have been together for a while now. She too loves the van way of life which is always a bonus of course.

 

A dog is a heck of a tie in may ways but during the dark days following the loss of my wife it was the dog that was my life saver, keeping me sane, and keeping me going and 'leading' to me meeting (or is that collaring?) lots of people who would otherwise have just nodded and passed me by.

 

All I can say is try everything and see what suits you and your lifestyle best.

 

Heartfelt best wishes, and feel free to email me privately if I can help talk things through - I've been there and I understand the feelings all to well.

 

Richard.

 

 

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Guest starspirit

I have always been a positive realist Howie.

When we are alone no one else in the world other than ourselves will ever make things happen for any of us.

What has happened in the past has happened and there is no going back and no point in blame, recrimination, self pity or other negative feelings as they are so destructive

We each have to take charge of our own destiny and do whatever it takes to make things happen or suffer the consequences.

Healthy doses of trust and optimism tinged with a spoonful each of realism, scepticism and, at times, downright cynicism have all been good allies for me.

 

Here endeth the first lesson from the gospel according to Richard

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Guest Frank Wilkinson

I have to say that I admire that. We seem to live in an age where people need counselling if they lose their cat.

If anything were to happen to my wife I like to think that I would be pragmatic and try to get on with life.

We actually don't have a lot of choice but some people just can't grasp that and prefer self indulgence and self pity. Which is a shame for them, as those of us like you reap far greater rewards, which is exactly what your wife would have wanted I'm sure.

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Guest starspirit

I don't think it is right for anyone to condemn counselling.

For a start the good volunteers of 'cruse' do a fantastic job of helping bereaved people although it just was not for me.

However it must be said that the human contact that I sought amounted, by and large, to the same thing if I am honest

Everyone has a different way of handling these things and until you have been through it you will not know how you will cope.

For me it was much easier talking to, what where at that point, strangers than to my own family and friends who were just too close.

Self pity is, I believe, a stage we all have to go through and all that varies is the length of time it lasts.

For me it was very short - a few days - before I began to realise that - 'hey, look I'm the one who is living, why should I be despondent - time to start the rebuilding process'.

I am so lucky that my 'new' partner is very kind and understanding (well she would have to be to cope with me eh?) and even nearly three years on when I still occasionally get tearful moments - (like now!) we are always here for each other.

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Guest Frank Wilkinson

I don't recollect actually condemning counselling, but being critical of those who need it for relatively trivial things in life.

It is a fact that nowadays if a pupil dies, the entire school seems to be given counselling - how did we ever manage in my day?

I'm afraid that I'm a glass is half full person, rather than half empty and I just feel that in many cases where counselling is inflicted on people, we are simply prolonging their sorrow by talking about it and by reinforcing their belief that for every tragedy that life throws at us we are entitled to some kind of professional prop to lean on. 

But as you know, I'm a well known member of the British Right Wing Stiff Upper Lip Party, who thinks that wet liberals are the main reason for the state that our country is in today!

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How far do you intend travelling with this" new companion" Barrie ?

I only ask for if you are going to the ends of the earth, and have loads of dosh, you could take my Ex-Wife along. >:-) >:-)

It would save me a packet as well. *-)

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Guest starspirit

Perhaps if you ever get to experience the loss of your wife Frank, and I sincerely hope that you don't, you might change your views.

Until then you might like to stop talking through your lower orifice on a subject of which you know nothing.

I set out on this thread to assist a fellow human being and I object to you hijacking the thread for your own political purposes.

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Guest Frank Wilkinson

And here's me thinking I was saying something nice in how I admired the way that you'd got on with your life. And I would have thought it obvious to anyone that the political comment was a jokey self-deprecating dig at myself.

Ah well! I'll just give up I think!

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Guest peter

My god. Even when Frank is being concilliatory you have to have a go don't you Richard. I was beginning to think that you were both to blame for the aggro between you. But your above remarks are well out of order.

 

Sorry for going off topic but I had to respond in Franks defence.

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Guest Frank Wilkinson
hymer1942 - 2007-03-05 9:11 PM do you think if I put yhe topic back on again those two who are selfish and just divert things would stay off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry Hymer, there was no deliberate intention to divert things. It was Richard (Starspirit) who mentioned about getting on with life after a loss and I was merely saying that I admired that in a man.

Threads very easily get diverted slightly on a forum but no one sets out with the intention of purposely diverting them. It's like normal conversation, sometimes you just go off on a tangent!

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Frank Wilkinson - 2007-03-05 3:36 PM

I don't recollect actually condemning counselling, but being critical of those who need it for relatively trivial things in life.

IMO only the person who is affected by such a bereavement, be it human, animal, pet etc, can decide whether or not affects them badly or trivially. Loosing a cat or dog to some is a shame but not much more than that, to others they are much more than that and are part of the family, so loosing them is like loosing a 'relation', especially if you've had to nurse them etc in their latter days. What may be trivial to you may not be to them and vice versa. If people need counselling, for whatever reason, don't condemn them, it's their loss and they are entitled to deal with it as they see fit without criticism from anyone. :-|
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Guest Frank Wilkinson
Mel B - 2007-03-06 8:53 PM
Frank Wilkinson - 2007-03-05 3:36 PM

I don't recollect actually condemning counselling, but being critical of those who need it for relatively trivial things in life.

IMO only the person who is affected by such a bereavement, be it human, animal, pet etc, can decide whether or not affects them badly or trivially. Loosing a cat or dog to some is a shame but not much more than that, to others they are much more than that and are part of the family, so loosing them is like loosing a 'relation', especially if you've had to nurse them etc in their latter days. What may be trivial to you may not be to them and vice versa. If people need counselling, for whatever reason, don't condemn them, it's their loss and they are entitled to deal with it as they see fit without criticism from anyone. :-|

Yes, but regrettably you are one of those happy to perpetuate a system that gradually weakens society by producing generations of people unable to deal with the kind of thing that life throws at us, and which happen to everyone of us.

Every single person at some time in their life will lose someone, be it a parent, which I've recently gone through, or a spouse or even a pet. We will eventually produce a nation incapable of dealing with anything. After someone has needed counselling because their cat has died they will ultimately be demanding it if their car gets damaged!

Personally I think that many people today are self centred and self indulgent and they are the ones who need counselling for what I consider trivial things.

I've said this before and I'll say it again. Anyone feeling sorry for themselves after a trivial matter (and I'm not talking here about the loss of a child or spouse) should walk down to the nearest war memorial and read the names of all those young people who never grew old enough to need counselling for some of the nonsense that generates it today. Every one of us in my generation should be eternally grateful that we've grown up without terrible wars and in a Western democracy where life is long and luxurious compared to most parts of the world.

You are very welcome to your opinion Mel on the issue of counselling but I happen to disagree with you and will continue to argue that it is in the main unnecessary and an indulgence.

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empress - 2007-03-06 9:43 PM

 

I did wonder about replying to Barrie, but decided he wanted a serious reply. And how would he possibly decide which one of us would be suitable. A very hard choice!

 

Empress (^)

And why not what do you mean a serious reply

three lovely ladies >I,m sure barrie would be lucky. ;-)

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empress - 2007-03-06 9:43 PM

 

I did wonder about replying to Barrie, but decided he wanted a serious reply. And how would he possibly decide which one of us would be suitable. A very hard choice!

 

Empress (^)

Whatever choice he makes he,s on a winner. :$
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Guest starspirit
hymer1942 - 2007-03-05 9:11 PM

 

do you think if I put yhe topic back on again those two who are selfish and just divert things would stay off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

If that was directed at me Barrie - it just does not become you.

However I will refrain from answering any of your future threads as you wish, and good luck with your quest.

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Frank Wilkinson - 2007-03-06 10:06 PM

Yes, but regrettably you are one of those happy to perpetuate a system that gradually weakens society by producing generations of people unable to deal with the kind of thing that life throws at us, and which happen to everyone of us.

You don't appear to have read my post carefully enough Frank, I'm not perpetuating anything, just trying to understand the situation that some people find themselves in - some deal with things in different ways and just because you appear to be content and fortunate enough not to seem to need counseling etc doesn't mean that everyone is able to deal with things without some help, whatever the caused of their distress may be. I dare say that if it had been available during the wars to people that needed it then, there would've been a lot less suffering going on both during and afterwards, especially for those who were shell shocked etc. Yes some people take it to extremes but again it that's how they handle things and it's up to them, not us, to decide what they should do. Personally criticising me by saying that I am "regrettably ... one of those happy to perpetuate ... a weakened society" is rather insulting but I must add, nothing that I didn't expect .... :-|
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Guest starspirit

Once again FW's posting gives away his true belligerent and self opinionated viewpoint.

 

No man is an island and if he is then something is probably missing.

 

The loss of a parent (or both) is nothing like the loss of a partner, or even dare I say it a much loved pet in my experience.

 

A partner, a child or even a pet is someone you share you daily lives with and build a very close bond with over time whilst at the same time, usually but not always, loosening bonds with parents. That is not to say not loving parents, just doing it in a different way.

 

For most of us, we expect our parent to get old and die. That is the nature of things.

 

Counselling and the general handling of grief is a very individual matter and NOBODY has the right to say what is right or wrong for someone else.

 

 

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