Guest Jen's Grumpy Git Posted September 5, 2007 Share Posted September 5, 2007 Why it's great to be a man........ Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. Movie nudity is virtually always female. A 5 day holiday requires only one suitcase. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter. You can open all your own jars. Short skirts. Old friends don't care whether you've lost or gained weight. Dry cleaners and hairdressers don't rob you blind. When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying. All your orgasms are real. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go. You can go to the bathroom without a support group. Your last name stays put. You can leave the hotel bed unmade. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow. Sex means never worrying about your reputation. Wedding plans take care of themselves. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. You don't have to shave below your neck. None of your co-workers has the power to make you cry. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night. If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices. You can write your name in the snow. Everything on your face gets to stay its original color. Chocolate is just another snack. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. Flowers fix everything. You can wear a white shirt to a water park. Three pairs of shoes is more than enough. You can eat a banana in a hardware store. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid. You can quietly watch a game with you buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me". The world is your urinal. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. One mood, all the time. You never have to drive on to another petrol station because this one's just too mankey. You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you're wearing. Grey hair and wrinkles only add character. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donna miller Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 Here's one for being a woman You notice that september 5th is a wednesday :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crinklystarfish Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 It is indeed Friday's joke.Jen's Grumpy Git is also known to Jen herself as Friday: as in the man-servant on Robinson Crusoe.Like the original Friday he's struggling with the values of modern western society and so might from time to time appear boorish.Be gentle with him ladies, he has much to learn, even if he can read maps and you can't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 :D I love it . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donna miller Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 crinklystarfish - 2007-09-06 10:05 AMIt is indeed Friday's joke.Jen's Grumpy Git is also known to Jen herself as Friday: as in the man-servant on Robinson Crusoe. even if he can read maps and you can't.#1.... Well how would anyone know that,........ Forgiven :$ #2..... Gloves off then crinkly, 20 years as a trucker might prove you wrong on that one............. DEFINATELY NOT FORGIVEN.............EVER......... >:-( :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donna miller Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 crinklystarfish - 2007-09-06 10:05 AM It is indeed Friday's joke p.s. shouldn't it be headed "my joke" then......................... :-S I'll get me coat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jen's Grumpy Git Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 Ok ok so it wasn't Friday but what the heck, I'd just deal with it. Sorry if I offended you girls but as a builder you get to know these little gems so I thought that I would share them, and just to prove I'm not a chauvanist I will post a cracker just for you girls, Watch this space.. and I may even change my profile pic for the one taken last year on the beach, or shall we have a vote on it?? B-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 Depends on what the one on the beach is like ...but on here we are all lesbians anyway so don't worry what ever will do for the girls it the men you really have to ask. ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crinklystarfish Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 donna/>,It was a little world I created in my own head, in which the Friday I envisaged was a reforming savage, struggling to come to terms with 2007, and only able to speak of himself in the third person.This character may or may not have some resemblance to Jen’s GG. I’m thinking probably so.I assure you I’m in no way sexist; I do however need to work on my girl humour. In the absence of Frank/>, I suppose I should hold the side up and say something like Q. “What do you call a lady trucker?” A. “Lost”, but to be honest, my heart isn’t in it.Jen’s GG,Dear me man, they like a bit of mystery. At least give them a bit of a tease before you get your giblets out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hymer C 9. Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 Crinklystarfish, loved grumpy gits list and your take on it, just made me smile. Carol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crinklystarfish Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 Glad I could Carol, there isn't enough funny humour in the world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jen's Grumpy Git Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 Right you lot..I've just about got the weight of you, let me get this right..............the women are mainly lesbians, that's ok by me, some of the men are gay, I can handle that. But what I can't get my head round is some woman mother trucker who continually ignores the sat-nav. How does that work? C'mn girls stick to girly things and don't drive trucks or dig holes or climb scaffolding. Leave that to the men. oh! and for the record I won't be getting my "giblets" out cos. 1. I hardly know you 2.You probably couldn't handle it. 3.My beautiful wife would have to come get you for the mere suggestion. 4.Leave it to your imagination. Finally, wise words, on a drunken night out with the lads a middle aged lady decided to have a dig at my drunken state, remarking that I was extremely drunk and my answer her was simple. "My dear I may be drunk but you are ugly, and the best thing is simple, tomorrow I will be sober. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza454 Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 Pavarotti's wife just phoned the undertaker and asked "can you do a funeral for a tenor?"They told her to sod off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jen's Grumpy Git Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 Tasteless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crinklystarfish Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 Jen's Grumpy Git - 2007-09-06 10:01 PM ...Finally, wise words, on a drunken night out with the lads a middle aged lady decided to have a dig at my drunken state, remarking that I was extremely drunk and my answer her was simple. "My dear I may be drunk but you are ugly, and the best thing is simple, tomorrow I will be sober. Wise words indeed, though not yours, but then those two preceding clauses are self-evidently a truism. Winston Churchill was attributed with the riposte, though I believe the actual wit that first thought of them is unknown. You must try harder if you intend to impress.Bazza,Too soon... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donna miller Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 Jen's Grumpy Git - 2007-09-06 10:01 PM But what I can't get my head round is some woman mother trucker who continually ignores the sat-nav. How does that work? C'mn girls stick to girly things and don't drive trucks or dig holes or climb scaffolding. Leave that to the men. . I really hope this is meant to be humourous 'cos if not, you have just opened the biggest can of worms you will have ever seen. If not, then I'll throw open a challenge to you and all the other "superior" men on here. We will go to a designated place and set out a slalom course, we will then reverse a 13metre unit and trailer around the course, in the unlikely event you manage it, we can try it with an 18metre trailer. >:-) I have driven up to 26 metre loads, but you could hardly expect a mere builder to manage that one. 8-) Just to finish, heres a builder joke................ This builder who fancied himself, goes into a pub and gets chatting to a mere woman, he finds out she is 57, but as she is well fit he carries on buying her drinks, after a while they start snogging and the woman asks him if he's ever had the family favourite. "whats that" asks the builder, so the woman explains that it's a mother and daughter threesome. The builder nearly falls out of his dungerees and tells the woman to hurry up and finish her drink. They rush back to the womans house and as they start groping each other, the woman calls up the stairs............................................................ "Mother, are you still awake" :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 :D :D :D :D Hi Donna, How's the flying going been anywhere nice lately . I know you have just flew over to Le Touquet for the day was it busy ? It wasn't when we left. I to hope he is only playing E's on the wrong forum if E's not :D just got my eye's tested for my old PSV 6.6 brilliant A . Have to just go and throw that old Coach around take out some aggression on the wheel :D Like the joke GAL :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jen's Grumpy Git Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 Back up a trailer????? I was born and raised on a farm so backing a trailer is NNNNoooooo problem, I would like to see you reverse a four wheel , twin axle trailer with a pivot front axle. That WOULD be good for a laff. The lads would definately get off the scaff for that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donna miller Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 wagon and drag, 5 years on the continent with those. Sorry kid, you'll need to come up with something better than that. *-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel B Posted September 10, 2007 Share Posted September 10, 2007 Jen's Grumpy Git - 2007-09-06 10:01 PM Right you lot..I've just about got the weight of you, let me get this right..............the women are mainly lesbians, that's ok by me, some of the men are gay, I can handle that. But what I can't get my head round is some woman mother trucker who continually ignores the sat-nav. How does that work? C'mn girls stick to girly things and don't drive trucks or dig holes or climb scaffolding. Leave that to the men. oh! and for the record I won't be getting my "giblets" out cos. 1. I hardly know you - Not decided yet if I want to know you that way!8-) 2.You probably couldn't handle it. Definitely wouldn't want to do that!!!:$ 3.My beautiful wife would have to come get you for the mere suggestion. Have to let the woman do the fighting eh!*-) 4.Leave it to your imagination. My imagination is too good for little old that!:D B-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest peter Posted September 11, 2007 Share Posted September 11, 2007 michele - 2007-09-06 12:21 PM Depends on what the one on the beach is like ...but on here we are all lesbians anyway so don't worry what ever will do for the girls it the men you really have to ask. ;-)Looks good to me honky tonks. ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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