Forester Posted October 8, 2006 Share Posted October 8, 2006 Menare just happier people, What do you expect from such simple creatures?. Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a t-shirt to a waterpark. You can wear NO t-shirt to a waterpark. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You don't have to stop & think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work more pay. Wrinkles add character.Wedding dress £1000 +, tux rental £100. People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them. New shoes don't cut,blister, or mangle your feet.One mood ALL the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 secs flat. A 5 day holiday requires only 1 suitcase.You can open your own jars.You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is £2.50 for a 3 pack. Three pair of shoes is more than enough. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades. You only have to shave your face/neck. You can play with toys ALL your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet & one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nail with a pen knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do xmas shopping for 25 relatives on Dec 24 in 25 mins. NO WONDER MEN ARE HAPPIER. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel B Posted October 8, 2006 Share Posted October 8, 2006 I totally agree, men live in their own little happy world where things have to be simple - anything more complicated than this and men can't handle it! Mel(anie) B Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howie Posted October 8, 2006 Share Posted October 8, 2006 Hi Melanie. I thought this would be a nice bedtime story when you tuck Itchy and Scratchy in tonight...............Two fleas leave the cinema. The one turns to the other and asks, shall we walk, or catch a dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 Why are women happier?1. the kitchen's all ours2. we get control of the wedding plans and we get to look the best at our wedding3. chocolate makes up for orgasms that men rarely give us4. reading men is like reading an open book, whereas men can never understand women5. we can get into a popular bar much easier than men; we just show some cleavage6. we don't fart, we fluff7. we know how to colour coordinate8. we can build a man's ego just by asking him to open a jar9. we get doors opened for us10. we're not as hairy and we don't have to shave our faces11. we aren't too chicken to ask for directions12. scratching ourselves is not an hourly event in our lives13. we can do two things at once: comprehend what someone tells us while we're watching tv, or pack a baby on our hips with a toddler holding our other hand and push a shopping cart while checking our grocery list and getting the cheapest, best products off the shelf.Okay, so there were more than 10 reasons. I guess that's because it's just so darn good to be a woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forester Posted October 9, 2006 Author Share Posted October 9, 2006 That took you long enough to reply momAnswers below (he he )No 1 You are welcome to itNo 2 We get to stand at the bar No 3 We think of the girl next door to have a orgasm.No 4 We wrote the book for you to reed.No 5 That was in the 70s it dosn't happen today.No 6 Like life.No 7 Must agree.No 8 Surlely you can think of a better answer.No 9 Read No 5.No 10 You must be joking.No 11 to 13 Well!!!!Like most ' Ladies' cannot stick to the point has to go one better. in your case 3 (he he) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MandyAndy Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 Just wanted to say thanks, this has really cheered me up,, I think we all have a great life if we look around us. Thanks again and keep them coming Mandy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howie Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 Three women are out shopping at an antique shop in Northants. They stumble upon an unusual lamp. From within the lamp they hear the voice of a genie who tells them he will grant each of them a wish if they set him free. Now one of the women doesn,t believe it and says, Ok, if you can really grant my wish then double my I.Q. The genie says done and the woman starts reciting poetry and analysing it with great insight. The second woman is so amazed she says to the genie, triple my I.Q. Again the genie grants her wish and the woman starts to spout mathematical and physics equations. The third woman is so enthralled that she asks that her I.Q. be quadrupled. And she became a man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forester Posted October 9, 2006 Author Share Posted October 9, 2006 Howard, you have made my day, lets see how they ( the other sex that is. ) reply to that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howie Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 Listen Wayne. If we are going to have a battle of wits with this lot then remember we are only allowed to use half of ours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forester Posted October 9, 2006 Author Share Posted October 9, 2006 Right Howard let battle commence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MandyAndy Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 (lol) (lol) (lol) (lol) Oh I hope I meet you two somewhere out on the highways and byeways when we get our MH. Just not enough of you around, much more of us to come get you and teach you both a lesson you wouldnt forget. And stop picking on Northants ,, Im yorkshire born and bred anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howie Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 Hang on a minute Wayne. Not to sure about this word battle. What I had in mind was to give you moral support from a distance if things get sticky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howie Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 [QUOTE]Mandy&Andy - 2006-10-09 12:59 PM (lol) (lol) (lol) (lol) Oh I hope I meet you two somewhere out on the highways and byeways when we get our MH. Just not enough of you around, much more of us to come get you and teach you both a lesson you wouldnt forget. And stop picking on Northants ,, Im yorkshire born and bred anyway.[/QUOTE]Capital Y in Yorkshire. Land of prickly white roses and puddings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
net-traveller Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 Perhaps because they were never designed to be as complex as a woman. By the time the Lord made woman, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?" And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart -and she will do everything with only two hands." The angel was astounded at the requirements. "Only two hands!? No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish." But I won't," the Lord protested. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days. The angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft, Lord." "She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish." "Will she be able to think?", asked the angel The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate." The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one." "That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that's a tear!" "What's the tear for?" the angel asked. The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride The angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing." And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry.They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice.They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies.They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love.They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give. HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forester Posted October 9, 2006 Author Share Posted October 9, 2006 [QUOTE]howardtcz - 2006-10-09 1:05 PM Hang on a minute Wayne. Not to sure about this word battle. What I had in mind was to give you moral support from a distance if things get sticky.[/QUOTE] Cheers mate (he he ).Yorkshire born & Yorkshire bred stong in the arm and w?We once went to Blackpool over night and spent the night in a B&B owned by a Yorkshire couple, when we got to our room and settled down & put the telly on I had to put a 1pound coin in the metre at the back, Why on earth didn't they scrap it and put a £5 on the bill? It seems so petty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howie Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 A ventriloquist was doing a show in Leeds. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb female jokes when a woman jumps to her feet and starts shouting. I,ve had enough of your stupid women jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?. What does a persons sex have to do with her worth as a human being?. Its people like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind perpetuate discrimination against women, and all in the name of humour The embarrased ventriloquist begins to apologise, and the woman yells, you stay out this pal, i,m talking to that little p***k on your knee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forester Posted October 10, 2006 Author Share Posted October 10, 2006 That one put a smile on my face Howard.btw, we are rather SLOW on replys off "the girls" lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howie Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 Bit of an optomist aren,t you Wayne. Looking for humour in a woman is like looking through the local obituary columns for laughs, and they are so contrary as well. One minute they are thanking you for brightening their day and the next they threaten to beat the living daylights out of you if ever your paths cross. I once had to sign on the dole and among the questions the lady asked was the date of births of my children. 12th of July 1968. 12th July 1969. 12th of July 1970. Next question was previous occupation. Precision Grinder I replied and I doubled up with laughter at my own wit. That was until our eyes met across the desk. Tell you what Wayne, if my dog had pulled a face like that I would have shaved its arse and tought it to run backwards. Still you never know. They might suprise us yet. Howard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel B Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 [QUOTE]howardtcz - 2006-10-09 12:27 PM Listen Wayne. If we are going to have a battle of wits with this lot then remember we are only allowed to use half of ours.[/QUOTE] Howard, Wayne - I'm amazed you even have 'wits', never mind having enough between you to make a whole one! Be careful, you'll strain yourselves! Don't suppose either of you are related to 'Jack' and 'Walter' that Michele beats up occasionally are you, kissing cousins and all that???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forester Posted October 11, 2006 Author Share Posted October 11, 2006 Howard, that about the dog had me rolling on the floor, last time i'd laughed like that was when Maggie asked me to cook dinner ! Keep the good work up we have got them on the retreat.he he Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forester Posted October 11, 2006 Author Share Posted October 11, 2006 Howard, Wayne - I'm amazed you even have 'wits', never mind having enough between you to make a whole one! Be careful, you'll strain yourselves! Don't suppose either of you are related to 'Jack' and 'Walter' that Michele beats up occasionally are you, kissing cousins and all that???? [/QUOTE] mel we could well be!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forester Posted October 11, 2006 Author Share Posted October 11, 2006 Howard, Wayne - I'm amazed you even have 'wits', never mind having enough between you to make a whole one! Be careful, you'll strain yourselves! Don't suppose either of you are related to 'Jack' and 'Walter' that Michele beats up occasionally are you, kissing cousins and all that???? [/QUOTE] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel B Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Forester, you been at the sherry again? I think you've got hiccups! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forester Posted October 12, 2006 Author Share Posted October 12, 2006 I brew my own wine 'ie' slows bacardi/sherry/brandy/vodka, elderberry wine, a very strong apricot brandy ALL the red/white wines most hedge grown wines. So thats my excuse (hic) Whats yours (he he) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 Howard & Wayne, Your worse Then jack & walter put together Two grumpy old men. You two want to watch it or I,m going to tell the girls and your wife's ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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