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A little Christmas cheer.


CurtainRaiser

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Since we're doing sillies, just got this from friends in Ireland.

 

Boris Johnson, a Scotsman, a Welshman and an Irishman are all on a plane when the engines fail.

There is only one parachute on board.

Without a moment’s hesitation, the Scotsman sacrifices himself, shouting “For Scotland!” as he jumps out of the plane. The Welshman follows suit, shouting “For Wales!” as he jumps.

Then it’s the turn of the Irishman. He shouts “For Ireland!”…and pushes Johnson out of the plane.

 

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Plane with 5 passengers on board, Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, The Pope and a ten year old school boy. The plane is about to crash and there are only 4 parachutes.

 

Trump said I need one. I’m the smartest man in the USA and am needed to sort out the problems of the World!’, takes one and jumps.

 

Boris said ‘I’m needed to sort out Britain’. He takes one and jumps.

 

The Pope said ‘I need one as the world needs the Catholic Church.’ He takes one and jumps.

 

Angela said to the ten year old: "You can have the last parachute. I've lived my life, yours is only just starting."

 

The 10 year old replied: "Don’t worry, there are 2 parachutes left, the smartest man in the USA took my school bag."

 

...........................................................................................................................

 

Robert Mugabe, Donald Trump and Boris Johnson are in a crashing aircraft.

 

The problem is, there's only one parachute. So Boris says, "Look here chaps, we're all democracies. Why don't we just vote on who gets the parachute?" Trump and Mugabe agree, and, even though they have limited time, they decide on a ballot system.

 

They all cast their votes, then Mugabe opens the ballot box. "Well, gents, it was tough, but I think we have a winner! Donald, you got one vote. Boris, you also got one vote. I, meanwhile, have 27 votes!"

 

...........................................................................................................................

 

Margaret Thatcher appears to Boris Johnson in a dream...

 

"Privatise the NHS and paint the Houses of Parliament green!" she says to Johnson

 

Johnson looks confused; "Why green?"

 

Thatcher smiles, "I knew you wouldn't object to the first part"

 

...........................................................................................................................

 

Boris Johnson has been blessed with another baby.

 

Johnson and Johnson develop a single-dose anti-Omicron Covid vaccine. They advertise their new product featuring the Prime Minister with his new child and their vaccine’s name in bold letters -

 

Johnson and Johnson - only one prick needed!

 

...........................................................................................................................

 

Boris Johnson saves a leprechaun from drowning.

 

"Thank you for saving my life Boris"," says the leprechaun "I will grant you one wish". The Immortal Impregnator says excitedly "I really admire Donald Trump. Can I have a road running from the UK to America?"

 

The leprechaun grimaces and tells Boris that building a road across the Atlantic would be an enormous task even for a leprechaun and might take a 100 years to complete.

 

"Have a more realistic wish, Boris" says the leprechaun. Slightly annoyed Boris replies "OK , I want Brexit to prove a resounding success by 2022"

 

"How wide do you want the road to be?" says the leprechaun.

 

 

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Very good Derek.....with humour like that you're on your way to a guest slot in CB. :D

 

 

Hhmm......I can never remember jokes but one that always stuck in my mind was neither political, sexual, or religious, but was sent in to a radio show on R2 by a listener and the DJ who read it out (Johnnie Walker) ended up "corpsing".

 

Three men in a pub at the bar chatting and drinking, an Irishman, American and Japanese.

 

The Japanese guy keeps talking into his hand and the Irishman ask him what he's doing.

 

"I've got a mobile phone implanted in my hand", the Japanese tells the Irishman.

 

The American guy keeps looking at his wrist and the Irishman ask him what he's doing.

 

"I've got a digital watch implanted in my wrist" the American tells him.

 

The Irish guy excuses himself to go to the toilet. Ten minutes later he comes back to join the American and Japanese at the bar who fall about laughing.

 

The Irishman looks puzzled and asks what they are laughing at. Pointing at his backside they said, "you've got paper hanging out from your arse".

 

The Irishman replied, "I've just received a fax". B-)

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Guest pelmetman
Derek Uzzell - 2021-12-25 12:07 PM

 

 

 

Well well.......I've finally flushed out the Derek Bots bias >:-) ........

 

Why am I not "surprised"..... who's side you have taken *-) ........

 

Thanks for confirming just how far the LOSER rot has set in ;-) ........

 

Brexit has obviously arrived just in time B-) .........

 

Merry Christmas LOSERS (lol) (lol) (lol)........

 

 

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pelmetman - 2021-12-25 9:10 PM

 

Derek Uzzell - 2021-12-25 12:07 PM

 

 

 

Well well.......I've finally flushed out the Derek Bots bias >:-) ........

 

Why am I not "surprised"..... who's side you have taken *-) ........

 

Thanks for confirming just how far the LOSER rot has set in ;-) ........

 

Brexit has obviously arrived just in time B-) .........

 

Merry Christmas LOSERS (lol) (lol) (lol)........

 

 

Dave. Have you ever stopped to wonder why on social media apart from a few hidden little huddles there is nobody left vocally supporting Brexit and Johnson? *-)

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Barryd999 - 2021-12-26 10:44 AM

 

pelmetman - 2021-12-25 9:10 PM

 

Derek Uzzell - 2021-12-25 12:07 PM

 

 

 

Well well.......I've finally flushed out the Derek Bots bias >:-) ........

 

Why am I not "surprised"..... who's side you have taken *-) ........

 

Thanks for confirming just how far the LOSER rot has set in ;-) ........

 

Brexit has obviously arrived just in time B-) .........

 

Merry Christmas LOSERS (lol) (lol) (lol)........

 

 

Dave. Have you ever stopped to wonder why on social media apart from a few hidden little huddles there is nobody left vocally supporting Brexit and Johnson? *-)

 

 

Barry. Have not not realised that Dave, in common with Johnson, NEVER answer questions.

 

 

;-)

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John52 - 2021-12-26 11:59 AM

 

Bulletguy - 2021-12-25 1:29 PM

(Daily Express headlines before and after Brexit)

 

Daily Mail and Express were both like that.

And yet, after all that, some people still read them. and even quote them as an authoritive source.

The U-turns are hilarious comic material, but having a clown for PM helps as he does more U-turns than a plumber on a good day!

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Bulletguy - 2021-12-26 3:17 PM

The U-turns are hilarious comic material, but having a clown for PM helps as he does more U-turns than a plumber on a good day!

 

I thought that makes it more difficult for the comics because they can't make Johnson's Caricature worse than Johnson.

I saw Spitting Image where Nicola Sturgeon gave Alec Salmond a Glasgow kiss, and it was funny because she doresn't behave like that. If she did that for real then the Spitting Image depiction of it wouldn't be so funny. But I think the worst dirt they have been able to dig up on her was when she was sitting down in a pub without facemask (within the guidance) then absent mindedly stood up without putting her facemask on (not within the guidance) But Johnson is at the other end of the scale.

 

I've worked hard for many years and paid a lot of taxes into our country. But thats only money. Previous generations have given a lot more for their country. So it sickens me to see Johnson doing so much damage to our country, so I don't find him funny.

I can see through his Clown persona, and beneath it is a nasty piece of work. >:-)

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