donna miller Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Goldilocks and the three bears............................... A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning... Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars. Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, 'For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch The newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table. 'It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water. 'And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once.... 'I HAVEN'T MADE THE F******G PORRIDGE YET Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J9withdogs Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ROON Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 :D :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malc d Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Thanks for that Donna. A lovely new story for the grandchildren. ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick H. Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Simple Simon, met a pieman, going to the fair, said Simple Simon to the pieman, what have you got there. PIES! you idiot. Little Jack Horner, sat in the corner eating his Christmas pie, he stuck in his thumb, but instead of a plum he squirted the juice in his eye. Mary had a littlle lamb, she fed it from a bucket, Nooo perhaps not that one Mary had a little lamb, she also had a bear, you would often see her little lamb, but you didn't see her bare. There was an old lady who lived in a shoe, had so many children, she didn't know what to do. She must have known something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J9withdogs Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Mary had a little lamb She tied it to a pylon 10,000 volts went up it's arris and turned it's wool to nylon (lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John H Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Mary had a little cow, she milked it with a spanner, milk came out in shilling tins and small ones for a tanner. :-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howie Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Mary had a little pig The pig it kept on grunting. She took it down behind the shed And its been a lot quieter since. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick H. Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Hickory dickory dock Three mice ran up the clock The clock struck one But mised the rest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick H. Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Hickory dickory dock Three mice ran up the clock The clock struck one But mised the rest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howie Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Even after two attempts Mick? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick H. Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 howie - 2008-08-01 1:57 PM Even after two attempts Mick? even clocks miss a beat when they're hungry. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall all the Kings horses, and all the Kings men came riding by on side saddle Cissies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick H. Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Jack be nimble Jack be quick Jack thought he jumped over the candlestick. Mary, Mary, quite contrary how does your garden grow don't ask stupid questions How the hell should I know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John H Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 howie - 2008-08-01 1:46 PM Mary had a little pig The pig it kept on grunting. She took it down behind the shed And its been a lot quieter since. Trust you Howie! That one did pop into my head but I couldn't think of a way to end it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaz43 Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 mary had a little lamb she took it to her bed the lamb turned out to be a ram so mary had a little lamb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howie Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 John H - 2008-08-01 7:02 PM howie - 2008-08-01 1:46 PM Mary had a little pig The pig it kept on grunting. She took it down behind the shed And its been a lot quieter since. Trust you Howie! That one did pop into my head but I couldn't think of a way to end it.Ever the gentleman thats me John, and another example that there's no substitute for good breeding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philman Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Mary Rose sat on a pin, Mary rose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza454 Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Mary had a little lambher father shot it dead.Now it goes to school with herbetween two chunks of bread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza454 Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Hey Diddle DiddleThe cat did a piddleall over the bedside clock.The little dog laughed to see such fun.Then died of electric shock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick H. Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Three blind mice see how they run they all ran after the famers wife who cut off their tails with a carving knife She is now being sued by The anti hunt brigade, the RNIB, the league against cruel sports,and by the government for keeping animals without a licence. Mick H. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howie Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Running around with a carving knife would'nt go down to well either Mick, not with the way things are going at the moment. Handsome young prince rescues beautiful princess The king is so relieved that he grants the prince anything he wants The prince looks adoringly into the kings eyes and asks, will you marry me Yes says the king, and they live happily ever after. Well, we are doing alternative fairy tales are'nt we. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick H. Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Didn't think of the knives one Howie, but your fairy story could land on a few dept. desks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bootbags Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 The grand old duke of yorkhe had ten thousand menPhew! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick H. Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Can see which way this thread is going Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick H. Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Can see which way this thread is going Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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