Guest Tracker Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 The USS Obama When the Bridge pipes 'Man the Rail' there is a lot of rail to man on this monster: shoulder to shoulder, around 45 acres. Her displacement is about 100,000 tons with full complement. Capability Top speed exceeds 30 knots, powered by two nuclear reactors that can operate for more than 20 years without refuelling 1. Expected to operate in the fleet for about 50 years 2 Carries over 80 combat aircraft 3. Three arresting cables can stop a 28 - ton aircraft going 150 miles per hour in less than 400 feet Size 1. Towers 20 stories above the waterline 2. 1092 feet long; nearly as long as the Empire State Building is tall 3. Flight deck covers 4.5 acres 4. 4 bronze propellers, each 21 feet across, weighing 66,200 pounds 5. 2 rudders, each 29 by 22 feet and weighing 50 tons 6. 4 high speed aircraft elevators, each over 4,000 sq ft capacity 7. Home to about 6,000 Navy personnel 8. Carries enough food and supplies to operate for 90 days 9. 18,150 meals served daily 10. Distillation plants provide 400,000 gallons of fresh water from sea water daily, enough for 2,000 homes 11. Nearly 30,000 light fixtures and 1,325 miles of cable and wiring 1,400 telephones 12. 14,000 pillowcases and 28,000 sheets 13. Costs the Navy approximately $250,000 per day for pier side operation 14. Costs the Navy approximately $25 million per day for underway operations (Sailor's salaries included). The HMS GORDON BROWN Headed for Grimsby, the Royal Navy welcomed the latest member of its fleet today, HMS Gordon Brown set sail today from its home port of Fleetwood. The ship is the first of its kind in the Navy and is a standing legacy to Prime Minister Brown for his foresight in military budget cuts and his conduct while Prime Minister. The ship is constructed almost entirely from recycled aluminium cans and is completely solar powered with a top speed of 5 knots - which it can maintain forward or reverse without judder throughout the many hours of bright sunlight available in the North Sea. It boasts an Arsenal comprised of one (unarmed) (ex US Navy) F14 Tomcat or one (unarmed) (ex USAF) F18 Hornet aircraft which, although they cannot be launched or captured on the 100 foot flight deck, form a very menacing presence. As a standing order due to health and safety issues there are no firearms allowed on board. The 20 person crew is completely diversified, including members of all races, creeds, sex, and sexual orientation - none of whom speak the same language. The crew, hand-picked from the Mersey Ferry, is specially trained to avoid conflicts and appease any and all enemies of Britain at all costs! An on - board Type One Universal Translator can send out messages of apology in any language to anyone who may find Britain offensive. The number of apologies are limitless and although some may seem hollow and disingenuous the Prime Minister assures us that all apologies will sound very sincere. The ship's purpose is not defined so much as a unit of national defence, but instead in times of conflict, the HMS Gordon Brown has orders to seek refuge in Blackpool. The ship may also be positioned near the Labour Party Headquarters for photo opportunities. We understand that the next projects are for wind powered helicopters made from recycled cardboard and specialist solar powered tanks made from recycled plastic bottles and with alleged full night warfare capabilities. We Should all be very proud.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DESCO Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Surely Tracker we should all stand and salute The HMS Gordon Brown.( with middle fingers standing to atention ) Dave (lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duffers Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 rather we just paddled our own canoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Syd Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Did I miss the point where you mentioned that there were no helicoptors on the ship?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BGD Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 At a Cabinat meeting, Gordon said he wanted a new train to be named after him. But Mandy pointed out that he's already spent all the money that the entire UK will earn over the next thirty years, so reluctantly Gordon agreed that they should rename an existing train instead. Mandy emailed all the UK train Companies for quotes. The cheapest quote won: "Renaming cost will be only 3 quid. We'll just paint out the "F" on the "Flying Scotsman". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracker Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Syd - 2009-07-25 4:27 PM Did I miss the point where you mentioned that there were no helicoptors on the ship?? Sorry Syd - no choppers available - according to Gordon they are all in Afghanistan already and the new wind powered ones are as yet unproven and won't be ready until after the next election. It seems that they are having problems with the recycled cardboard when it rains so they can only be used in the Sahara Desert. It is rumoured that we are looking for an oil rich country in the Sahara to 'protect'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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