CliveH Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, (On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestonewas selected as Miss America 1995.) Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry.. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign . ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC . ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas . ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ." -- Dan Quayle ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" --Lee Iacocca ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services,Greenville , South Carolina ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman (lol) (lol) (lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maggyd Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 (lol) ;-) Thanks for that Clive I feel much better now. LOL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ohgrandma Posted July 12, 2009 Share Posted July 12, 2009 If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." Playing, " I'm in Heaven" I presume, Clive. (lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nightrider Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 I thought I was stupid when i inadvertantly put 5ltrs of petrol in my diesel work van :'( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Momma Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 My Grandad awoke in the night screaming that he could feel a hole in his heart, he felt stupid when my Grandma removed the POLO mint from his pyjama pocket :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 Made me smile :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracker Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 knight of the road - 2009-07-13 5:20 PM I thought I was stupid when I inadvertently put 5ltrs of petrol in my diesel work van :'( You are not alone there Malcolm! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avongas Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 Tracker - 2009-07-13 6:54 PM knight of the road - 2009-07-13 5:20 PM I thought I was stupid when I inadvertently put 5ltrs of petrol in my diesel work van :'( You are not alone there Malcolm! And me!! been there done that - at least I didn't start the engine. 8-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nightrider Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 On the night in question, last thursday about 7 oclock, mithered and harrassed by two of my daughters both in the throes of moving house. One was mithering me about fitting a new bathroom suite and the other was pestering me about updating her central heating. I went to the local filling station to get 5 ltrs of petrol for the following mornings work, what did I do? put it in the tank of my diesel fuelled work van, the sudden realisation of what I did sent my heart to the bottom of my boots, to cut a long story short a transporter came and picked me up, the cleanout was done promptly and efficiently and took no more than an hour, much to my relief no damage was done, total cost £205, a costly mistake, did my daughters get a mouthful later. The guy who did my cleanout said don't reproach yourself we have a guy that has done it 3 times!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracker Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 spud - 2009-07-13 7:49 PM Tracker - 2009-07-13 6:54 PM knight of the road - 2009-07-13 5:20 PM I thought I was stupid when I inadvertently put 5ltrs of petrol in my diesel work van :'( You are not alone there Malcolm! And me!! been there done that - at least I didn't start the engine. 8-) Neither did I - but my wife did - and broke down in the middle of a busy crossroads half a mile down the road! Neither of us has done it since - yet - but we keep trying to! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ROON Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Some years ago, I had to top up the oil in my car and was fed up with keep having to do it... so I filled it up to overflowing to save me having to keep doing it. You will all obviously be so intelligent that I won't need to tell you what happened when I had driven half a mile :$ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CliveH Posted July 15, 2009 Author Share Posted July 15, 2009 Oil from every engine orifice I would imagine Roon!! 8-) 8-) 8-) - it did it go "bang" as you cannot compress a liquid? I remember rebuilding a Rover V8 with a friend and him overfilling with oil "as a precaution" against my advice. I did point out that the maximum mark on the dipstick was there for a reason!! :-S He did not fill it to overflowing but way over the Max Mark. :-S :-S 10 miles later the engine was running very well but various oil seals had blown as the engine over pressurised itself and all that lovely clean oil he put in the engine was now on the road. Still the second rebuild to replace all the seals was easy! (lol) (lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davenewellhome Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 Many, many years ago when I was an apprentice a fellow apprentice was servicing a car and after draining the oil was refilling it. We had a wall mounted hose with a meter on it that dispensed the oil. When it got to five gallons and still nothing showing on the dipstick he looked under the car to see a huge lake of oil collecting in the pit. Dipstick forgot to put the sump plug back in. It was not me. D. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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