Dave Newell Posted November 24, 2006 Share Posted November 24, 2006 When I was just a young lad, I sent a letter to NASA asking if there really is a Santa Claus. This is what those nerds told me... 1.) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen. 2.) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish & Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each. (I hear that Hanukkah Harry handles the Jewish children.) 3.) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with. This is due to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits/second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has .001 second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the himney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distribute around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will acceept), we are now talking abou .78 miles/household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles; not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding & etc. So Santa's sleigh must be moving at 650 miles/second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles/second. A conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles/hour. 4.) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 lb.), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 lb. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see #1) could pull 10 TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with 8, or even 9 reindeer. We need 214,200. This increases the payload - not counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. This is four times the weight of the ocean-liner Queen Elizabeth. 5.) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles/second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within .00426 of a second. Meanwhile, Santa, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-lb. Santa (seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 lb. of force. If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now. Disclaimer: Please, do not distribute to any children under the age of 18. For those of you who still believe in Santa, remember that this is only a theory, and most calculated figures above may have errors up to +/- 20%. D. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
empress Posted November 24, 2006 Share Posted November 24, 2006 In spite of the tecnical stuff, Dave, I am sure Santa is alive and well - just in case my little grandsons are reading this! Empress Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Newell Posted November 24, 2006 Author Share Posted November 24, 2006 I beleive he does it by magic so all this technical stuff is nonsense. (lol) D. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel B Posted November 24, 2006 Share Posted November 24, 2006 Dave ... you had to ask?!?!??!?? :-S I thought you KNEW Santa existed ... ! Who do you think buys and wraps all the pressies then ... your better half?!! Don't be rediculous, she's got more sense! :-> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick H. Posted November 24, 2006 Share Posted November 24, 2006 Hey Dave you dont take life too serious then. brilliant post, took a while to type as well. PS.OF COURSE HE'S REAL.dont you know nuffink. Mick H. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Santa Claus Posted November 24, 2006 Share Posted November 24, 2006 I am getting heartily sick of the continuing rumours regarding my existence. My delivery schedule is miraculous because I am myself a miracle. It is disheartening that each year, after working my fingers to the bone, some cynical adult casts doubts on a man who is loved and treasured by children all over the world. Any further comment regarding my reality or otherwise will be answered by my solicitor, Mr Sebastian J. Peasmould-Gruntfuttock who is the senior partner in the prestigious law firm of Sue, Grabbit and Runne. S. Claus. Ps Rudolph wishes me to add that his proboscis is not, as is claimed in certain popular ditties, a shade of scarlet. This happened just once, in 1887, when he had a streaming cold in Greenland and constant rubbing of the afore-mentioned snout caused it to go a little on the pinkish side. It annoys him intensely that, since then, people constantly bang on about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted November 24, 2006 Share Posted November 24, 2006 FANTASTIC . Well done . Merry Christmas Santa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
empress Posted November 25, 2006 Share Posted November 25, 2006 Have made a note of your law firm - may come in handy one day. Happy Christmas. Empress Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flicka Posted November 25, 2006 Share Posted November 25, 2006 Of course Santa's job is now made a lot easier, because he bought a Motorcaravan, which is a lot faster than Rudolph (who still accompanies him), but in the warmth of the Van) The Van can also carry alot more than the Sleigh, so he don't have to return to base as often, to collect more pressies for distribution. Flickas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
net-traveller Posted November 25, 2006 Share Posted November 25, 2006 Slightly off the point but I thought you might like the following Xmas cartoons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
net-traveller Posted November 25, 2006 Share Posted November 25, 2006 One didn't show so here goes again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Newell Posted November 25, 2006 Author Share Posted November 25, 2006 That last one's just mean! :-( D. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick H. Posted November 25, 2006 Share Posted November 25, 2006 It must have been a Hymer! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fred grant Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 down our way he do get stuck in the mud. would need a tractor to pull im out. anyone seen the forecast tonight, we are under about a foot of water. he must be expected as all the lites are on in lostwithiel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supertractorman Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 I'll be down in a minute with one of my trusty steeds :-o David Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 David , Do you mean John Deere's or something like that i probably have the name wrong , just shows you I never listen to the kids . Seriously my daughter is into driving Tractors deere something. (lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted December 1, 2006 Share Posted December 1, 2006 [QUOTE]Santa Claus - 2006-11-24 11:39 PM I am getting heartily sick of the continuing rumours regarding my existence. My delivery schedule is miraculous because I am myself a miracle. It is disheartening that each year, after working my fingers to the bone, some cynical adult casts doubts on a man who is loved and treasured by children all over the world. Any further comment regarding my reality or otherwise will be answered by my solicitor, Mr Sebastian J. Peasmould-Gruntfuttock who is the senior partner in the prestigious law firm of Sue, Grabbit and Runne. S. Claus. Ps Rudolph wishes me to add that his proboscis is not, as is claimed in certain popular ditties, a shade of scarlet. This happened just once, in 1887, when he had a streaming cold in Greenland and constant rubbing of the afore-mentioned snout caused it to go a little on the pinkish side. It annoys him intensely that, since then, people constantly bang on about it.[/QUOTE] santa baby slip a sable under the tree for me.... ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom Posted December 1, 2006 Share Posted December 1, 2006 Santa, if you're real, you'll bring me a Nuvi 660 SatNav for Christmas! Oh, and can I have the battery charged already? And a leather carry pouch would be nice. And I want it loaded with all the safety camera data, not that I speed cos that would mean I'm naughty. And I want the free subscription to traffic updates. And an extra chip for all my mp3s and pictures. And, with your magic, I know you can re-activate the FM transmitter for me.Give me this, and I'll be good for another 12 months. Promise! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Santa Claus Posted December 1, 2006 Share Posted December 1, 2006 Promising that you'll be good for another twelve months implies that you've been good for the last twelve months but we know that this isn't true, don't we? You forget that I know everything about everyone and that little episode earlier in the year with that handsome new window cleaner means that you won't be getting anything for a while I'm afraid. (Imaginative use of the whipped cream by the way!) If you can behave yourself for a full year you may contact me again next December. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzy Posted December 1, 2006 Share Posted December 1, 2006 Jingle bells, Batman Smells Santa's on His way ............ Of course Santa is real ........ of course magic exists ......... I've seen Reindeer in Scotland :-D and Milton Keynes 8-) even though there's no sign of snow yet ;-) Off to the shops to buy some whipped cream - then maybe someone will tell me how to use it :$ (?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom Posted December 2, 2006 Share Posted December 2, 2006 [QUOTE]Santa Claus - 2006-12-01 2:20 PM You forget that I know everything about everyone and that little episode earlier in the year with that handsome new window cleaner means that you won't be getting anything for a while I'm afraid. (Imaginative use of the whipped cream by the way!)[/QUOTE] My login might be "mom" but I'm a bloke!!!! And straight at that! Santa... you're a fibber! None of it happened! Before I go, though, can I ask what I should do with the whipped cream? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flicka Posted December 2, 2006 Share Posted December 2, 2006 Mom If you have been ssssssssoooooo good. It's a wonder you didn't go the whole hog and ask for a new M/H with all the goodies in your stocking (oops socks, forgot the gender) just for good measure. The whipped cream is for your christmas pud of course. Don't forget to add the brandy. Flicka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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