You are logged in as a guest. 
  Home Forums Home  Search our Forums Search our Forums    Log in to the Forums Log in to the Forums  register Register on the Forums  

 Forums ->  General Chat -> Chatterbox
Jump to page : First 1 Last
Format:  Go
Is Santa real?
AuthorMessage
userDave Newell
Posted: 24 November 2006 3:25 PM
Subject: Is Santa real?
 


Forum master

Posts: 3580
20001000500252525
Location: Telford, Shropshire


When I was just a young lad, I sent a letter to NASA asking if there really is a Santa Claus. This is what those nerds told me...

1.) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2.) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish & Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each. (I hear that Hanukkah Harry handles the Jewish children.)

3.) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with. This is due to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits/second.

This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has .001 second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the himney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distribute around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will acceept), we are now talking abou .78 miles/household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles; not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding & etc.

So Santa's sleigh must be moving at 650 miles/second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles/second. A conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles/hour.

4.) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 lb.), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 lb. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see #1) could pull 10 TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with 8, or even 9 reindeer. We need 214,200. This increases the payload - not counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. This is four times the weight of the ocean-liner Queen Elizabeth.

5.) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles/second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within .00426 of a second. Meanwhile, Santa, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-lb. Santa (seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 lb. of force.

If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.


Disclaimer: Please, do not distribute to any children under the age of 18. For those of you who still believe in Santa, remember that this is only a theory, and most calculated figures above may have errors up to +/- 20%.

D.
userempress
Posted: 24 November 2006 3:36 PM
Subject: RE: Is Santa real?
 


A posting machine

Posts: 314
100100100
Location: East Anglia. Rapido 966M. Mercedes Auto 2004


In spite of the tecnical stuff, Dave, I am sure Santa is alive and well - just in case my little grandsons are reading this!

Empress
userDave Newell
Posted: 24 November 2006 5:22 PM
Subject: RE: Is Santa real?
 


Forum master

Posts: 3580
20001000500252525
Location: Telford, Shropshire


I beleive he does it by magic so all this technical stuff is nonsense.

D.
userMel B
Posted: 24 November 2006 6:15 PM
Subject: RE: Is Santa real?
 


The special one

Posts: 12468
5000500020001001001001002525
Location: E Yorks, 2015 Globecar FamilyScout L Ducato Maxi


Dave ... you had to ask?!?!??!?? I thought you KNEW Santa existed ... ! Who do you think buys and wraps all the pressies then ... your better half?!! Don't be rediculous, she's got more sense!
userMick H.
Posted: 24 November 2006 9:59 PM
Subject: RE: Is Santa real?
 


Epic contributor

Posts: 1622
1000500100
Location: Salisbury. but on the road, Marnhull, Dorset.again


Hey Dave you dont take life too serious then. brilliant post, took a while to type as well.
PS.OF COURSE HE'S REAL.dont you know nuffink.

Mick H.
userSanta Claus
Posted: 24 November 2006 11:39 PM
Subject: RE: Is Santa real?
 
Just joined

Posts: 2

Location: North Pole


I am getting heartily sick of the continuing rumours regarding my existence. My delivery schedule is miraculous because I am myself a miracle. It is disheartening that each year, after working my fingers to the bone, some cynical adult casts doubts on a man who is loved and treasured by children all over the world.

Any further comment regarding my reality or otherwise will be answered by my solicitor, Mr Sebastian J. Peasmould-Gruntfuttock who is the senior partner in the prestigious law firm of Sue, Grabbit and Runne.

S. Claus.

Ps Rudolph wishes me to add that his proboscis is not, as is claimed in certain popular ditties, a shade of scarlet. This happened just once, in 1887, when he had a streaming cold in Greenland and constant rubbing of the afore-mentioned snout caused it to go a little on the pinkish side. It annoys him intensely that, since then, people constantly bang on about it.
usermichele
Posted: 24 November 2006 11:46 PM
Subject: RE: Is Santa real?
 


50005000500100100100100
Location: Rapido ..ask him what size


FANTASTIC . Well done .
Merry Christmas Santa
userempress
Posted: 25 November 2006 9:08 AM
Subject: RE: Is Santa real?
 


A posting machine

Posts: 314
100100100
Location: East Anglia. Rapido 966M. Mercedes Auto 2004


Have made a note of your law firm - may come in handy one day. Happy Christmas.

Empress
userflicka
Posted: 25 November 2006 12:36 PM
Subject: RE: Is Santa real?
 


Forum master

Posts: 4225
2000200010010025
Location: NE Lincolnshire - M/H - 2012 Adria Sport S572SL


Of course Santa's job is now made a lot easier, because he bought a Motorcaravan, which is a lot faster than Rudolph (who still accompanies him), but in the warmth of the Van) The Van can also carry alot more than the Sleigh, so he don't have to return to base as often, to collect more pressies for distribution.
Flickas
usernet-traveller
Posted: 25 November 2006 3:27 PM
Subject: RE: Is Santa real?
 
A posting machine

Posts: 349
10010010025


Slightly off the point but I thought you might like the following Xmas cartoons.





(DOGS[1].JPG)



(WHIP[1].JPG)



Attachments
----------------
Attachments RD[1].JPG (54KB - 423 downloads)
Attachments DOGS[1].JPG (34KB - 382 downloads)
Attachments WHIP[1].JPG (45KB - 424 downloads)
usernet-traveller
Posted: 25 November 2006 3:30 PM
Subject: RE: Is Santa real?
 
A posting machine

Posts: 349
10010010025


One didn't show so here goes again.



(RD[1].JPG)



Attachments
----------------
Attachments RD[1].JPG (54KB - 375 downloads)
userDave Newell
Posted: 25 November 2006 5:38 PM
Subject: RE: Is Santa real?
 


Forum master

Posts: 3580
20001000500252525
Location: Telford, Shropshire


That last one's just mean!

D.
userMick H.
Posted: 25 November 2006 9:04 PM
Subject: RE: Is Santa real?
 


Epic contributor

Posts: 1622
1000500100
Location: Salisbury. but on the road, Marnhull, Dorset.again


It must have been a Hymer!
userfred grant
Posted: 27 November 2006 9:07 PM
Subject: RE: Is Santa real?
 


Treasured contributor

Posts: 899
500100100100252525
Location: penpillick


down our way he do get stuck in the mud. would need a tractor to pull im out. anyone seen the forecast tonight, we are under about a foot of water. he must be expected as all the lites are on in lostwithiel.
userSupertractorman
Posted: 28 November 2006 8:04 PM
Subject: RE: Is Santa real?
 
Pops in from time to time

Posts: 118
100


I'll be down in a minute with one of my trusty steeds

David
usermichele
Posted: 29 November 2006 12:07 AM
Subject: RE: Is Santa real?
 


50005000500100100100100
Location: Rapido ..ask him what size


David , Do you mean John Deere's or something like that i probably have the name wrong , just shows you I never listen to the kids .

Seriously my daughter is into driving Tractors deere something.
usermichele
Posted: 1 December 2006 1:26 PM
Subject: RE: Is Santa real?
 


50005000500100100100100
Location: Rapido ..ask him what size


Santa Claus - 2006-11-24 11:39 PM

I am getting heartily sick of the continuing rumours regarding my existence. My delivery schedule is miraculous because I am myself a miracle. It is disheartening that each year, after working my fingers to the bone, some cynical adult casts doubts on a man who is loved and treasured by children all over the world.

Any further comment regarding my reality or otherwise will be answered by my solicitor, Mr Sebastian J. Peasmould-Gruntfuttock who is the senior partner in the prestigious law firm of Sue, Grabbit and Runne.

S. Claus.

Ps Rudolph wishes me to add that his proboscis is not, as is claimed in certain popular ditties, a shade of scarlet. This happened just once, in 1887, when he had a streaming cold in Greenland and constant rubbing of the afore-mentioned snout caused it to go a little on the pinkish side. It annoys him intensely that, since then, people constantly bang on about it.
santa baby slip a sable under the tree for me....
usermom
Posted: 1 December 2006 2:08 PM
Subject: RE: Is Santa real?
 


A posting machine

Posts: 352
1001001002525


Santa, if you're real, you'll bring me a Nuvi 660 SatNav for Christmas!  Oh, and can I have the battery charged already?  And a leather carry pouch would be nice.  And I want it loaded with all the safety camera data, not that I speed cos that would mean I'm naughty.  And I want the free subscription to traffic updates.  And an extra chip for all my mp3s and pictures.  And, with your magic, I know you can re-activate the FM transmitter for me.

Give me this, and I'll be good for another 12 months.  Promise!

userSanta Claus
Posted: 1 December 2006 2:20 PM
Subject: RE: Is Santa real?
 
Just joined

Posts: 2

Location: North Pole


Promising that you'll be good for another twelve months implies that you've been good for the last twelve months but we know that this isn't true, don't we?

You forget that I know everything about everyone and that little episode earlier in the year with that handsome new window cleaner means that you won't be getting anything for a while I'm afraid. (Imaginative use of the whipped cream by the way!)

If you can behave yourself for a full year you may contact me again next December.
userLizzy
Posted: 1 December 2006 3:50 PM
Subject: RE: Is Santa real?
 
A posting machine

Posts: 342
10010010025
Location: Northamptonshire England


Jingle bells, Batman Smells
Santa's on His way ............

Of course Santa is real ........ of course magic exists ......... I've seen Reindeer in Scotland and Milton Keynes even though there's no sign of snow yet

Off to the shops to buy some whipped cream - then maybe someone will tell me how to use it
usermom
Posted: 2 December 2006 7:50 AM
Subject: RE: Is Santa real?
 


A posting machine

Posts: 352
1001001002525


Santa Claus - 2006-12-01 2:20 PM
You forget that I know everything about everyone and that little episode earlier in the year with that handsome new window cleaner means that you won't be getting anything for a while I'm afraid. (Imaginative use of the whipped cream by the way!)

My login might be "mom" but I'm a bloke!!!!  And straight at that!  Santa... you're a fibber!  None of it happened!  Before I go, though, can I ask what I should do with the whipped cream?

userflicka
Posted: 2 December 2006 9:18 PM
Subject: RE: Is Santa real?
 


Forum master

Posts: 4225
2000200010010025
Location: NE Lincolnshire - M/H - 2012 Adria Sport S572SL


Mom
If you have been ssssssssoooooo good.
It's a wonder you didn't go the whole hog and ask for a new M/H with all the goodies in your stocking (oops socks, forgot the gender) just for good measure.
The whipped cream is for your christmas pud of course. Don't forget to add the brandy.
Flicka
Jump to page : First 1 Last
Printer friendly version
E-mail a link to this thread
Jump to forum :


(Delete all cookies set by this site)(Return to Homepage)

Any problems? Contact the administrator