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Just had some very bad news ...


Mel B

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A lady I used to work with retired early (late 50s) quite a few years ago now, her husband took early retirement from work (a teacher) a year or so later. Their intention was to be able to use their self-built van conversion to explore further afield for longer. A year later, they changed their van for an A class Hymer but unfortunately due to their daughter splitting up from her husband shortly afterwards they ended up doing a lot of grand-daughter sitting, a few days each week, which severely restricted their 'freedom'. They changed their thei Hymer for a Swift with 2 lounge areas so they could take their daughter and grand-daughter away on holiday with them, but, as with all things, it is never as simple as that - their daughter is a nurse so wasn't able to get away with them much.

 

About a couple of years later my friend's husband was diagnosed with bowel cancer. Lots of treatment later they hoped it had been caught in time, unfortunately at what was hoped to have been his 'all clear' check-up it was found to be back again, with a vengence. More treatment and it was then found that he had secondary cancers in his lung, which were removed, then at a check up a few months later, it was found there were more. After developing a very agressive secondary cancer in the upper spine, unfortunately the treatment, which was hoped to reduce the cancer, actually didn't help and he was left paralysed. Eventually he was able to come home from hospital but then developed tumours in the brain which caused him all sorts of problems until he had to return to hospital.

 

I've just found out this afternoon that he passed away 3 days after going back into hopital, whilst we were on holiday recently. They had planned to have some lovely times together, touring around Britain and Europe, but it didn't happen.

 

I just feel numb. It is difficult to comprehend why such things happen. My friend has a very strong faith and has always been very involved with her church in the village where she lives so has a lot of support around her fortunately. Its difficult to know what to do really, I rang her tonight and just let her talk, and will go round to see her at the weekend - but I just wish I could take her pain away - she's trying to be her 'cheerful' self but I can hear the pain in her voice.

 

I hear too many of these types of horror stories happening to friends and colleagues who, just after they retire, become seriously ill and/or pass away, its so very sad.

 

 

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Both share and sympathise with you sentiments Mel and seen to many friends and loved ones succumb to this awful disease to let your words pass unanswered. No wish to comment on euthanansia, but having helped nurse both my Father in Law and Stepmother through their final days of this illness do feel, when its so obviously terminal, and when you are reduced to relying on others for basic washing and toilet needs, that any life prolonging drugs should be 'withdrawn' so that the pain and suffering will be minimal. This may well be common practise already, who knows, but I do know, from personal experience, that at the very first signs you must get it checked out and insist on specialist opinion. Embarrassing. Certainly was for me, but time is usually the killer, not the cancer, and would urge anyone who has the slightest doubts in this regard to seek medical advice immediately..
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Mel, I'm so sorry. I've sent you a PM.

 

Tony

 

PS As Carol says above, it all underlines how precious each day is. I think of how many people overwork, and obsess about savings pensions and house values, because of what they dream of doing when they retire, forgetting how uncertain life is, even nowadays.

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I was diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukaemia in December 1992 and after a horrendous course of a trial Chemotherapy drug that lasted for 11 months It puts your brain into making sure that you make the most of each day that you have. They told me in the UK that although they can't cure it they can treat it. I had Chemo every 2 years but since moving to France in December 2000 I have had only 1 course, 5 years ago, the treatment I have had over here seems to be far superior to the treatment in the UK.

 

I have every sympathy with your Friend and hope that she will forget the bad times and focus on the good times that they shared.

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Very sorry to hear this Mel. Sadly it is all too common. My own Mother died in her early 60's just months after my Father retired and they were looking forward to "lifes longest holiday".

 

I am away in the caravan this weekend and was just moaning that it was the w/e when we have to take the awning down, (we are on a seasonal pitch) - thank you for reminding me that such a weekend and whatever the activities required are something to savour not grumble about.

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Mel, I am also very sorry to hear of the sad news. I am sure you will be a great comfort to her. Just to be there and listen when she feels the need to talk.

My own Dad died when he had just retired, Both he and Mum were so looking forward to many years camping. which they loved. especially in the New Forest area.

As others have mentioned, We cannot take our good health for granted. Ria.

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It's awful when reality hits home in such a dreadful way and certainly focuses your mind on your own mortality.

 

It all begs the question ' What are you waiting for??'

 

I'm looking long and hard at my future, winding down my businesses, cashing in some assets, avoiding people that give me grief and allowing myself more 'me' time.

 

Not easy to change a lifetime of having 'work hard, save hard and retire when you are 65' drummed into you from all directions, but there is only one person that can make the changes you want - YOU!

 

Go do it before it's too late!

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Hi Mel, Not posting much this week due to personal reasons but couldn't let your post go without sending you my love and special wishes.

 

Second all that has been said already, and stressing that I am sure your friend has been helped just by knowing that you care. My friend's son's funeral, (his early 20's and no reason found for his dying), is next Monday and so I share your feeling of helplessness. Mel, although it is difficult to say so to your friend, it sounds as though in the end her husband's passing may have been a blessing as it would have been even more difficult for her to have to watch him suffer for so much longer. He seems to have been through so much. Now he is at peace and it is those of us left behind who suffer in grief. Just try and be strong for your friend and know that YOUR friends here are thinking of you. Big hugs. Joy

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Tony Jones - 2009-09-08 4:39 PM

 

J9withdogs - 2009-09-08 3:04 PM

 

... avoiding people that give me grief ...

 

So should we take it as a compliment that you're still a regular on here Janine?

 

Tony

 

PS (Excuse the lighthearted post on your important thread Mel - trust you approve).

 

Hi Tony - no problem, I'd rather laugh than cry and remember him as the funny, perky and witty chap he always was. :-S

 

To everyone, thanks for your comments, I'm going to go to see here on my own so she we can have a good chat without anyone else around and say whatever she wants, hopefully it will help.

 

Unfortunately, it doesn't get any easier for her. Her older sister has been diagnosed with endometrial cancer, about 3 months ago, and it is not looking good, she's just over half way through her radiotherapy but it is a 'last chance' try. I just wish I could take some of the worry on to relieve her of it. :-|

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