michele Posted December 1, 2006 Share Posted December 1, 2006 >A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: > >1 litre of milk, >1 carton of eggs, >1 litre of orange juice, >1 head of lettuce, >1 can of coffee, >1 pack of bacon. > >As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a >drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of >the cashier. > >While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly >stated, " You must be single." > >The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was >intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. > >She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly >unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to >her marital status. > >Curiosity getting the better of her, she said > >"Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did >you know that?" > >The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly." bout this please visit www.cctmark.gov.uk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted December 1, 2006 Author Share Posted December 1, 2006 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We all know those little computer symbols called "emoticons," where: :) means a smile and :( is a frown. Sometimes these are represented by :-) :-( Well, how about some "ASSICONS?" Here goes: (_!_) a regular ass (__!__) a fat ass (!) a tight ass (_*_) a sore ass {_!_} a swishy ass (_o_) an ass that's been around (_x_) kiss my ass (_X_) leave my ass alone (_zzz_) a tired ass (_E=mc2_) a smart ass (_$_) Money coming out of his ass (_?_) Dumb Ass You have just been e-mooned! Send this to 5 people within the next hour and you will be blessed with people laughing their ass off (_ :-) (lol) (lol) (lol) (lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted December 1, 2006 Author Share Posted December 1, 2006 THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health.: 1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us. 2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us. 3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us. 4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us. 5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us. CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted December 1, 2006 Author Share Posted December 1, 2006 http://www.eyegas.com/xmas05/ Try this one for xmas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colin Posted December 1, 2006 Share Posted December 1, 2006 (_E=mc2_) :-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forester Posted December 2, 2006 Share Posted December 2, 2006 love it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flicka Posted December 2, 2006 Share Posted December 2, 2006 Brilliant Possibly (_#_) a classic chassis ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted December 4, 2006 Author Share Posted December 4, 2006 Subject: FW:First Christmas Joke of 2006 Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by St. Peter at the pearly gates. "In honour of this holy season," St. Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said. You may pass through the pearly gates St. Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells". St. Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates. The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?" The man replied, "They're Carols." (lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolh Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 michele - 2006-12-04 2:25 PM Subject: FW:First Christmas Joke of 2006 Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by St. Peter at the pearly gates. "In honour of this holy season," St. Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said. You may pass through the pearly gates St. Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells". St. Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates. The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?" The man replied, "They're Carols." (lol) thought there was a draught Carol lol :-S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 Carol, I knew it but didn't like to upset Charles haha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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