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Paddy.....


Guest JudgeMental

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Guest JudgeMental

 

> Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border

> checkpoint.

>

> Paddy, the officer, stops them and tells them: 'It is illegal to put 5

> people in a Quattro, Quattro means four'

>

> 'Quattro is just the name of the automobile,' the Englishman retorts

> disbelievingly. 'Look at the papers, this car is designed to carry

> five persons.'

>

> 'You cannot pull that one on me,' replies Paddy 'Quattro means four.

> You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law.'

>

> The Englishmen replies angrily, 'You idiot! Call your supervisor over

> I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!'

>

> 'Sorry,' responds Paddy, 'Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno.'

>

>

~@~

>

>

> Mick was in court for a double murder and the judge said, 'You are

> charged with beating your wife to death with a spanner.'

>

> A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, 'You b*stard!'

>

> The judge continued, 'You are also charged with beating your dau ghter

> to death with a spanner.'

>

> Again the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, 'You

> *******b*stard!!!'

>

> The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the court room,

> and said, 'Paddy, I can understand your anger and frustration at this

> crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge you with contempt! Now what is the problem?'

>

> Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded, 'For fifteen

> years I've lived next door to that b*stard and every time I asked to borrow a******** spanner, he said he didn't have one!'

 

 

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Paddy's Fish Fingers

 

 

Paddy was working at the fish plant in Cork when he accidentally cut off all 10 of his fingers and tumbs.

 

He went to the emergency room in Cork hospital.

 

The doctor looked at Paddy and said, 'Lets be avin' dem fingers and OI'll see what OI can do'.

 

Paddy said, 'Oi haven't got DA fingers.'

 

'Whadda ya mean you haven't got da fingers?

 

Lord Tunderin' Jesus, it's 2009!

 

We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques.

 

I could have put dem fingers back on and made you like new!

 

Why didn't ya bring dem fingers?!?'

 

And Paddy said,

 

 

'How da foock was I 'sposed to pick dem up den?

 

 

 

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