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Poetry
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userVictor Meldrew
Posted: 28 August 2008 3:59 PM
Subject: Poetry
 


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I’ve recently developed an interest in writing poetry, my first attempt I have given the working title of ‘Stop’, I have completed the first three verses but have come up against what we writers call ‘writers block’, so I’m offering it up for constructive criticism as I know some of you are particularly good at that and maybe you could give some ideas for the next verse.

Stop

Stop stop, stop stop stop
Stop stop stop, stop stop
Stop stop, stop stop stop
Stop stop stop, stop stop

Stop stop, stop stop stop
Stop stop stop, stop stop
Stop stop, stop stop stop
Stop stop stop, stop stop

Stop stop, stop stop stop
Stop stop stop, stop stop
Stop stop, stop stop stop
Stop stop stop, stop stop

TC
28th August 2008

I’ve already had an idea for my second poem that I’ve given the working title of ‘Go’ but I don’t want to get to far into it until I’ve completed ‘Stop’. I don’t see the point in getting into a stop, go type situation.

Thanks in advance for your input
userohgrandma
Posted: 28 August 2008 4:13 PM
Subject: RE: Poetry
 


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That really is excellent,
Cant wait for the "Go"Poem.
Please, Please, Please, Go.
usermalc d
Posted: 28 August 2008 5:01 PM
Subject: RE: Poetry
 
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Beautiful !

It brings back so many memories of touring around the U.K.

Thanks

userJ9withdogs
Posted: 28 August 2008 5:17 PM
Subject: RE: Poetry
 


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Reminds me of the bloke in Vicar of Dibley..

No No No No

userhowie
Posted: 28 August 2008 6:28 PM
Subject: RE: Poetry
 


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Reminds of a girlfriend from years ago. Did'nt last long.

Well at least it rhymes Vic, but 'stop' is such a negative word and may I suggest that your next attempt uses a word with far more imagination and positive outlook.
userBGD
Posted: 28 August 2008 11:04 PM
Subject: RE: Poetry
 


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It's so touching.

As a creative juxtaposition, you could then invert the whole thing and re-name it "pots" perhaps?
userhowie
Posted: 28 August 2008 11:20 PM
Subject: RE: Poetry
 


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Opts sounds more creative Bruce. Pots lacks style.
userparkmoy
Posted: 29 August 2008 7:40 AM
Subject: RE: Poetry
 
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I'd go for 'tops' myself. It would be self descriptive then.
userLordThornber
Posted: 29 August 2008 8:57 AM
Subject: RE: Poetry
 


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Hmm, 15 dollops of S,
15 of T,
15 of O
& 15 of P,

I think your newly acquired interest would benefit from a little creativity, however a good start and keep up the good work.

Jeffrey Archer
userROON
Posted: 29 August 2008 1:24 PM
Subject: RE: Poetry
 


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victor, for those of us with boring lives who need a little excitement of sorts, could you perhaps now write one entitled Don't stop






(don't stop.jpg)



Attachments
----------------
Attachments don't stop.jpg (3KB - 256 downloads)
userSyd
Posted: 31 August 2008 9:54 AM
Subject: RE: Poetry
 
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What about a poem based on the theme of

More, More, More

I like expansive type words, so much more exciting
userVictor Meldrew
Posted: 1 September 2008 12:19 PM
Subject: RE: Poetry
 


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ROON - 2008-08-29 1:24 PM

victor, for those of us with boring lives who need a little excitement of sorts, could you perhaps now write one entitled Don't stop




Don’t Stop

Don’t stop posting here
It doesn’t matter if you’re boring my dear
Don’t stop waffling away
Just type your twaddle every day

Don’t stop posting here
Although not many read you, I fear
Don’t stop waffling away
To you it’s vital you have your say

Don’t stop your incessant writing
Don’t look up, just keep typing
Don’t stop logging on to out and about live
Even if compared to other forums, it’s a bit of a dive

Don’t stop your incessant writing
But sitting in that chair all day, won’t help the dieting
Don’t stop logging on to out and about live
Your daily post average, has now reached one hundred and five

TC
1st September 2008
userJ9withdogs
Posted: 1 September 2008 3:31 PM
Subject: RE: Poetry
 


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Ode to Grumpy Old Men

They sneak into our lives
Persuade us to become their wives
They then want to change us
Into their mothers

As the years pass by
Our children arrive then fly
We are left all alone
With a grumpy old man

Nothing is as before
They scratch their bums and snore
Leave their dirty socks
For us to pick up

"The world is going mad
The youth of today is just bad
There's nothing on the TV
Worth watching now"

"And the price of fuel!
Government takes me for a fool
Pensions are a farce
Beer tastes like....."

Now don't get me started
About when he's farted
And friends leave the room
Never to return

The tone gets much lower
When he's in the shower
Hawking & spitting
And trying to sing

If any of this is true
And is a reality to you
I really sympathise
Just glad I'm single!





usermalc d
Posted: 1 September 2008 3:51 PM
Subject: RE: Poetry
 
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Lower and shower don't rhyme.

Grump grump

userK&D
Posted: 1 September 2008 5:05 PM
Subject: RE: Poetry
 


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ROON - 2008-08-29 1:24 PM

victor, for those of us with boring lives who need a little excitement of sorts, could you perhaps now write one entitled Don't stop




roon you are looking good. the one of you with the pole isnt bad either
userROON
Posted: 2 September 2008 12:16 PM
Subject: RE: Poetry
 


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Thank you K&D. Now I'm even MORE pleased to see you back again!

Victor, thank you for your ode, as requested. Could you now write one entitled ..... 'Undercover'

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