avongas Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'? What is the speed of darkness? Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours? Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics? If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Did you ever stop and wonder...... Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?' Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.' Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is? Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs ! If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Stop singing and read on... Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J9withdogs Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 What's an occasional table the rest of the time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Jones Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 Before the Sex Discrimination Act came in, I sometimes noticed adverts for clerical jobs etc wanting a "part-time Lady." What was SHE the rest of the time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avongas Posted November 13, 2008 Author Share Posted November 13, 2008 And there's more.................... Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural? Why do you have to "put your two pennorth' in", but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? What disease did cured ham originally have? If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car-share lane ? If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crinklystarfish Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 How much deeper would the sea be if it weren't for sponges? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracker Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 How much deeper would our pockets be if it weren't for spongers? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J9withdogs Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 spud - 2008-11-13 10:34 AM Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural? Sad person that I am, I know the answer to this one... Panties is short for pantaloons, which used to be two separate garments, one for each leg, tied around the waist with a draw-string. This saved the wearer have to 'drop them' to go to the loo when wearing vast crinoline dresses. Full of useless information, me. *-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avongas Posted November 13, 2008 Author Share Posted November 13, 2008 There's always one *-) ;-) ;-) You bin looking at WWW.Worldwide Words again!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J9withdogs Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 Nope - from my days working in a museum... but I do love that site. I found it as a result of needing an answer to something back in the opening post of this thread, unfortunately I will now spend/waste most of today reading it. *-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crinklystarfish Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 Tracker - 2008-11-13 11:15 AM How much deeper would our pockets be if it weren't for spongers? Quite the best word-play for a goodly long time. 10/10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracker Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 crinklystarfish - 2008-11-13 11:59 AMTracker - 2008-11-13 11:15 AM How much deeper would our pockets be if it weren't for spongers? Quite the best word-play for a goodly long time. 10/10Flippin' 'eck Crinkley - that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me - you be careful now! PS Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catinou Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 Good to see the boys playing nicely today. ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bob b Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 Tracker - 2008-11-13 12:34 PM crinklystarfish - 2008-11-13 11:59 AM Tracker - 2008-11-13 11:15 AM How much deeper would our pockets be if it weren't for spongers? Quite the best word-play for a goodly long time. 10/10 Flippin' 'eck Crinkley - that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me - you be careful now! PS Thanks! It's a trap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracker Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 bob b - 2008-11-13 6:41 PMTracker - 2008-11-13 12:34 PM crinklystarfish - 2008-11-13 11:59 AM Tracker - 2008-11-13 11:15 AM How much deeper would our pockets be if it weren't for spongers? Quite the best word-play for a goodly long time. 10/10 Flippin' 'eck Crinkley - that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me - you be careful now! PS Thanks! It's a trap.Really? I've seen lobster pots and crab pots but never a Crinkley star fish (or even a straigh star fish) trap - I wonder what it looks like? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GJH Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 Why are some people described as gormless but you never hear of people being described as gorm? Graham Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crinklystarfish Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 bob b - 2008-11-13 6:41 PM It's a trap. Oh bob, ye of little faith. In the main I simply enjoy a bit of well crafted wit and in this regard, touché. I especially enjoy it if said wit counters idiocy. I only wish there were more of the former, and less of the latter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracker Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 crinklystarfish - 2008-11-13 7:39 PM I especially enjoy it if said wit counters idiocy. I only wish there were more of the former, and less of the latter. Duz 'ee mean me, I wonder, wouldn't be surprised? Good job I ain't easily offended! Au contraire mon ami - it's only the idiocy that keeps me from becoming sane - and who would want to be sane in this crazy world? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel B Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 J9withdogs - 2008-11-13 11:48 AM Nope - from my days working in a museum... but I do love that site. I found it as a result of needing an answer to something back in the opening post of this thread, unfortunately I will now spend/waste most of today reading it. *-) Were you one of the exhibits Janine, or do you remember the pants when they were first invented? :D OOoooooo .... errr ... sorry my dear ..... couldn't resist ... I'm sure the 'eyes' on your avatar are following me round the room .... 8-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J9withdogs Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 Be afraid, Mel - be very afraid....... :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thai Bry Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 How far is " As the crow fly's"?Been bugging me ever since I first came to England.Thai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GJH Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 Thai Bry - 2008-11-14 9:28 AMHow far is " As the crow fly's"?Been bugging me ever since I first came to England.ThaiSo long as it doesn't "give you the bird" Thai (lol) Graham Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thai Bry Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 GJH - 2008-11-14 12:29 PM Thai Bry - 2008-11-14 9:28 AM How far is " As the crow fly's"?Been bugging me ever since I first came to England.Thai So long as it doesn't "give you the bird" Thai (lol) Graham And where does this expression come from??http://www.outandaboutlive.co.uk/forums/images/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gifThai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GJH Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 Thai Bry - 2008-11-14 1:21 PMGJH - 2008-11-14 12:29 PM Thai Bry - 2008-11-14 9:28 AM How far is " As the crow fly's"?Been bugging me ever since I first came to England.Thai So long as it doesn't "give you the bird" Thai (lol) Graham And where does this expression come from??http://www.outandaboutlive.co.uk/forums/images/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gifThaiI didn't really know Thai so I Googled it and found This. Apparently "the bird" is defined as "a hissing of an actor," from the sound made by geese. "BTW - found "as the crow flies" on WikipediaIt's all part of the simplicity of the English language (lol) Graham Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thai Bry Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 AH yes Graham the simplicity of the English language, tested my patience when I 1st came to England and spoke little of my father's tongue.I remember trying to distinguish the words :-Bow(bow down), Bow( as in bow & arrow) and then there was Bough as in tree, but still pronounced as in bow (to bow down).Simple - yes I remeber now.!!http://www.outandaboutlive.co.uk/forums/images/emoticons/icon_lol.gifhttp://www.outandaboutlive.co.uk/forums/images/emoticons/icon_lol.gifThai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GJH Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 Thai Bry - 2008-11-14 3:09 PMAH yes Graham the simplicity of the English language, tested my patience when I 1st came to England and spoke little of my father's tongue.I remember trying to distinguish the words :-Bow(bow down), Bow( as in bow & arrow) and then there was Bough as in tree, but still pronounced as in bow (to bow down).Simple - yes I remeber now.!!http://www.outandaboutlive.co.uk/forums/images/emoticons/icon_lol.gifhttp://www.outandaboutlive.co.uk/forums/images/emoticons/icon_lol.gifThaiNot to mention the same spelling in "bought" :-DWell you must have mastered it if you were brave enough to graduate to trying to understand "Yorksher" (lol) I used to have a couple of "Teach Thissen Tyke" books but never got them back after lending them out (to a Yorkshire man) :-D Graham Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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