Jump to content
Hello and welcome to our new forums! Existing users click here to access your account

The Bikini Wax

donna miller

By donna miller
in Chatterbox

Recommended Posts

donna miller Veteran

donna miller

Posted
Posted

 

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on.........

 

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix

dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring

painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the

waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.'

 

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of

those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub

the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them

apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the

hair right off.

 

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

 

 

 

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

 

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!

 

 

I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

 

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

 

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

 

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

 

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

 

 

 

I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

 

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

 

There's no hair on it.

 

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

 

 

 

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am touching wax.

 

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG

mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

 

 

 

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

 

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop.

 

 

 

My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?

 

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand, into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

 

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

 

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to

torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

 

 

 

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued

together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub....in scalding hot water.

 

 

 

Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

 

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

 

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter. 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'

 

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for

removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.

 

 

 

She wants to know exactly where the wax is located,'Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?'

 

 

 

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

 

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

 

 

 

While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot

water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

 

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving

grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

 

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH

MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the

dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

'IT WORKS!!

 

It works !!' I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she

hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then

notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL

OF IT! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing

hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

 

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
avongas Proficient

avongas

Posted
Posted
donna miller - 2008-04-23 9:16 AM

 

 

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on.........

 

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix

dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring

painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the

waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.'

 

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of

those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub

the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them

apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the

hair right off.

 

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

 

 

 

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

 

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!

 

 

I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

 

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

 

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

 

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

 

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

 

 

 

I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

 

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

 

There's no hair on it.

 

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

 

 

 

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am touching wax.

 

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG

mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

 

 

 

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

 

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop.

 

 

 

My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?

 

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand, into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

 

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

 

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to

torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

 

 

 

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued

together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub....in scalding hot water.

 

 

 

Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

 

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

 

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter. 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'

 

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for

removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.

 

 

 

She wants to know exactly where the wax is located,'Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?'

 

 

 

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

 

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

 

 

 

While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot

water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

 

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving

grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

 

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH

MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the

dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

'IT WORKS!!

 

It works !!' I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she

hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then

notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL

OF IT! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing

hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

 

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

 

Thats it girl, colour it invisible.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest Tracker

Guest Tracker

Posted
Posted

I suppose colouring hair invisible would be less painful than any other means, but why go to all that trouble if it will become invisible?

 

Most women are at their most beautiful when natural in my view and it is the inner lovliness within the mind that contains the most beauty - or not in a few cases - not the visible bits!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
carioca Rising Star

carioca

Posted
Posted
Tracker - 2008-04-23 5:30 PM

 

I suppose colouring hair invisible would be less painful than any other means, but why go to all that trouble if it will become invisible?

 

Most women are at their most beautiful when natural in my view and it is the inner lovliness within the mind that contains the most beauty - or not in a few cases - not the visible bits!

you might be right tracker but no woman want palm trees showing below the bikini line :$ :$

Link to comment
Share on other sites
maggyd Grand Master

maggyd

Posted
Posted
I copied and pasted this on two other sites that I visit and everyone is wetting themselves and thanking me for starting their day with a good laugh. LOL. We need more threads like this to stop all the winjers from winjing and cheer up! and you know what I couldnt give a toss if Ive spelled anything wrong.!!!
Link to comment
Share on other sites
michele Grand Master

michele

Posted
Posted

And good for you if you have so what ...just enjoy without the fear of being ridiculed ...about time we had a laugh instead of fighting but it only takes a few to spoil what is an otherwise good forum.

 

glad your friends laughed at Donna's joke brilliant fun :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...