DarcyDog Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 REST OF THE WORLD VERSION: The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies - out in the cold. THE END THE BRITISH VERSION: The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food. The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London . In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court he grasshopper did not want to work. The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrels food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper. Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly Imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs. The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit cards. A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though Spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshoppers drug illness'. The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK . The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery. A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost GBP10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats. The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a minister. The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom . The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional tax on their pension funds, their extra taxes being required to pay for law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 whilst all government employees negotiate to keep their normal retirement age at 60 thus allowing those that make the decisions to retire earlier than the average whilst the rest of us work longer to pay for it. The reason given is because of a shortfall in government funds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mags Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 I much prefer the rest of the world version!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzy Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 It was a grey squirrel of course ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twooks Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 [QUOTE]Lizzy - 2006-10-24 8:40 AM It was a grey squirrel of course ;-)[/QUOTE] another immigrant destroying native lifestyle :D B-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 It all started with the social worker. I think the solution is obvious! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarcyDog Posted October 25, 2006 Author Share Posted October 25, 2006 Best description of a social worker I heard was "the silly advising the inept". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mansell Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 I prefare the english version, because it says how most people feel. God how we have given our country away. keep trying it will happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howie Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Cheer up Mansell. Tomorrow night we,ll have the egg and flour brigade out in force with motorhomes seeming to be a prime target. A few years ago I wrote to our local authority querying the amount of expenses paid out to, and the need for, so many of the various committies they had up and running. Thanking me for my inquiry, they informed me that another committee would be set up to decide if there was indeed justification for so many of the said committies. If you have ever thought of emigrating, then please bear me in mind when you book the tickets. Howard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mansell Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 I am not sad just disillusioned at the way our country has gone downhill, and how we cow down to everyone under the sun. And if my other half would go I would be on my way to France A.S.A.P. keep trying it will happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Well if it wasn't so sad I would be rolling around laughing ...........But it is sad. On a lighter note i today have received a letter from the council I am being fined £50 for throwing a cigarette from the car window (was that good i hear you say) Might be if it was me ....No one said daughter who is not supposed to smoke . Anyway I thought she didn't smoke. Soon found out after having a row with the guy on the phone , on that perticular day she was supposed to be picking her boyfriend up at police HQ, but no she having done that was sitting at the top of the lane having a crafty fag... Now yes it is wrong no I have no sympathy for her yes she has had a sever rollocking and yes she has promised all the usual rubbish that 18 year old kid's do ...but along with all that I am so angry that it's me who get's to pay the fine she does not sign on because we don't let her. She is in the process of finding her appentership so we thought atleast she is not sitting bone idle. I am so angry because apart from the above joke we live, pay try to be honest ask for nothing for free in advance with the council tax and don't even get my bin's emptied. With 2 disabled kid's apparently I have to hump it out to the pavement which I alway's do but after paying £140 for black bins to help the dustbin men now find out that it is not exceptable to have black bins and because I did not remove the rubbish from the said bin's and leave on the pavement for the foxes to eat I did not get my rubbish collected for 2 week's..SOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo I have paid the fine I am sorry for my daughters lack of environmental care sorry for everything else that go's on in the world .................If you were on foot how would they get your name and address if you told them to take a run & jump I wonder .seems to me like an abuse of powers ..............Perhaps I am wrong ....is it me (!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 [QUOTE]michele - 2006-10-31 3:32 PM Well if it wasn't so sad I would be rolling around laughing ...........But it is sad. On a lighter note i today have received a letter from the council I am being fined £50 for throwing a cigarette from the car window (was that good i hear you say) Might be if it was me ....No one said daughter who is not supposed to smoke . Anyway I thought she didn't smoke. Soon found out after having a row with the guy on the phone , on that perticular day she was supposed to be picking her boyfriend up at police HQ, but no she having done that was sitting at the top of the lane having a crafty fag... Now yes it is wrong no I have no sympathy for her yes she has had a sever rollocking and yes she has promised all the usual rubbish that 18 year old kid's do ...but along with all that I am so angry that it's me who get's to pay the fine she does not sign on because we don't let her. She is in the process of finding her appentership so we thought atleast she is not sitting bone idle. I am so angry because apart from the above joke we live, pay try to be honest ask for nothing for free in advance with the council tax and don't even get my bin's emptied. With 2 disabled kid's apparently I have to hump it out to the pavement which I alway's do but after paying £140 for black bins to help the dustbin men now find out that it is not exceptable to have black bins and because I did not remove the rubbish from the said bin's and leave on the pavement for the foxes to eat I did not get my rubbish collected for 2 week's..SOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo I have paid the fine I am sorry for my daughters lack of environmental care sorry for everything else that go's on in the world .................If you were on foot how would they get your name and address if you told them to take a run & jump I wonder .seems to me like an abuse of powers ..............Perhaps I am wrong ....is it me (!)[/QUOTE] It must be me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 [QUOTE]mansell - 2006-10-31 11:49 AM I am not sad just disillusioned at the way our country has gone downhill, and how we cow down to everyone under the sun. And if my other half would go I would be on my way to France A.S.A.P. keep trying it will happen.[/QUOTE] And you would probably meet lot's of other brits there to including us Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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