Tracker Posted April 6, 2020 Share Posted April 6, 2020 I know they have been around for a while but they made I larf anyway. A bloke on a tractor has just driven past me yelling - 'The end of the world is nigh' I think it was Farmer Geddon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracker Posted April 6, 2020 Author Share Posted April 6, 2020 One day on a diplomatic visit to England, Donald Trump asked Queen Elizabeth... ”Your highness, how do you get such intelligent people to be part of your parliament?” The queen replies “I ask them one simple question that reveals if they are worthy enough to be a political leader, here, let me show you.” The queen summons Boris Johnson into the room and asks him “Boris, answer me this, your mother has a child who is neither your sister or your brother, who is this child?” Boris replies, “well, your majesty, it’s me.” Trump, in awe of what he had just witnessed, rushes back to the states, eager to put his own government to the test. Trump calls Mike Pence into the Oval Office and asks him “Mike, your parents had a child who is neither your brother nor your sister, who is this child?” Mike sits for a minute and says “Mr. President, let me consult the house to see if we can find the answer.” Mike Pence calls up Nancy Pelosi and asks “Nancy, your parents had a child, who is neither your brother nor your sister, who is this child?” Nancy responds “Mr. Vice President, it’s me!” Mike pence immediately calls back Trump and says “Mr. President, if my parents had a child who is neither my brother nor my sister, it’s Nancy Pelosi!” Trump sighs in disappointment and replies “No Mike, you’re wrong.” Mike Pence is in complete confusion, and asks “Mr. President, who is it then!” Trump, annoyed at the incompetence of his own Vice President, yells “it’s Boris Johnson!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracker Posted April 6, 2020 Author Share Posted April 6, 2020 On a plane with 6 passengers on board, Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, The Pope, Nicola Sturgeon and a ten year old Irish school boy. The pilot advisies that the plane is about to crash and there are only 5 parachutes. Donald says 'I need one. I’m the smartest man in the USA and am needed to sort out the problems of the World!'. He takes one and jumps. Angela says ‘I need one, I'm the smartest person in Germany and I'm needed to sort out Europe’. She takes one and jumps. The Pope says ‘I need one as the world needs the Catholic Church.’ He takes one and jumps. Nicola Sturgeon says 'I'm the smartest woman in the UK and I am needed to sort out Brexit'. She takes the last one and jumps Boris says to the ten year old: "You can have the last parachute. I've lived my life, yours is only just starting." The 10 year old replied: "Don’t worry, there are 2 parachutes left, the smartest woman in the UK took my school bag." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HarveyHeaven Posted April 6, 2020 Share Posted April 6, 2020 Tracker - 2020-04-06 7:19 PM On a plane with 6 passengers on board, Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, The Pope, Nicola Sturgeon and a ten year old Irish school boy. The pilot advisies that the plane is about to crash and there are only 5 parachutes. Donald says 'I need one. I’m the smartest man in the USA and am needed to sort out the problems of the World!'. He takes one and jumps. Angela says ‘I need one, I'm the smartest person in Germany and I'm needed to sort out Europe’. She takes one and jumps. The Pope says ‘I need one as the world needs the Catholic Church.’ He takes one and jumps. Nicola Sturgeon says 'I'm the smartest woman in the UK and I am needed to sort out Brexit'. She takes the last one and jumps Boris says to the ten year old: "You can have the last parachute. I've lived my life, yours is only just starting." The 10 year old replied: "Don’t worry, there are 2 parachutes left, the smartest woman in the UK took my school bag." You got that wrong......the Pope is the last one left with the child and Boris Johnson is of course the smartest man in the UK....Scotland didn't get a look in....so Boris, the smartest man in the UK is the one with the school bag for a parachute.....Beano, Brexit Boris :-D :-D :-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdbrain Posted April 6, 2020 Share Posted April 6, 2020 HarveyHeaven - 2020-04-06 7:28 PM Tracker - 2020-04-06 7:19 PM On a plane with 6 passengers on board, Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, The Pope, Nicola Sturgeon and a ten year old Irish school boy. The pilot advisies that the plane is about to crash and there are only 5 parachutes. Donald says 'I need one. I’m the smartest man in the USA and am needed to sort out the problems of the World!'. He takes one and jumps. Angela says ‘I need one, I'm the smartest person in Germany and I'm needed to sort out Europe’. She takes one and jumps. The Pope says ‘I need one as the world needs the Catholic Church.’ He takes one and jumps. Nicola Sturgeon says 'I'm the smartest woman in the UK and I am needed to sort out Brexit'. She takes the last one and jumps Boris says to the ten year old: "You can have the last parachute. I've lived my life, yours is only just starting." The 10 year old replied: "Don’t worry, there are 2 parachutes left, the smartest woman in the UK took my school bag." You got that wrong......the Pope is the last one left with the child and Boris Johnson is of course the smartest man in the UK....Scotland didn't get a look in....so Boris, the smartest man in the UK is the one with the school bag for a parachute.....Beano, Brexit Boris :-D :-D :-D See what I mean Rich ... Its guna take a lot of work , time and posts to get back to where we once were ... I found em funny ... Dont leave me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracker Posted April 6, 2020 Author Share Posted April 6, 2020 HarveyHeaven - 2020-04-06 7:28 PM You got that wrong......the Pope is the last one left with the child and Boris Johnson is of course the smartest man in the UK....Scotland didn't get a look in....so Boris, the smartest man in the UK is the one with the school bag for a parachute.....Beano, Brexit Boris :-D :-D :-D With no due respect Harv, it has become my joke, I posted my version first, so it is you what are wrong. If you want to be right get in and post first. So there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracker Posted April 6, 2020 Author Share Posted April 6, 2020 Birdbrain - 2020-04-06 7:33 PM See what I mean Rich ... Its guna take a lot of work , time and posts to get back to where we once were ... I found em funny ... Dont leave me Au contraire mon ami - we soon got back to normal innit! I won't, well I might not, leave you unless I get botrd and I do have a remarkably low thresh hold of boredom! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conrad Posted April 6, 2020 Share Posted April 6, 2020 HarveyHeaven - 2020-04-06 7:28 PM Tracker - 2020-04-06 7:19 PM On a plane with 6 passengers on board, Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, The Pope, Nicola Sturgeon and a ten year old Irish school boy. The pilot advisies that the plane is about to crash and there are only 5 parachutes. Donald says 'I need one. I’m the smartest man in the USA and am needed to sort out the problems of the World!'. He takes one and jumps. Angela says ‘I need one, I'm the smartest person in Germany and I'm needed to sort out Europe’. She takes one and jumps. The Pope says ‘I need one as the world needs the Catholic Church.’ He takes one and jumps. Nicola Sturgeon says 'I'm the smartest woman in the UK and I am needed to sort out Brexit'. She takes the last one and jumps Boris says to the ten year old: "You can have the last parachute. I've lived my life, yours is only just starting." The 10 year old replied: "Don’t worry, there are 2 parachutes left, the smartest woman in the UK took my school bag." You got that wrong......the Pope is the last one left with the child and Boris Johnson is of course the smartest man in the UK....Scotland didn't get a look in....so Boris, the smartest man in the UK is the one with the school bag for a parachute.....Beano, Brexit Boris :-D :-D :-D Err, steady on folks, poor bugger is in ITU. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Kirby Posted April 7, 2020 Share Posted April 7, 2020 Conrad - 2020-04-06 8:58 PM HarveyHeaven - 2020-04-06 7:28 PM Tracker - 2020-04-06 7:19 PM On a plane with 6 passengers on board, Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, The Pope, Nicola Sturgeon and a ten year old Irish school boy. The pilot advisies that the plane is about to crash and there are only 5 parachutes. Donald says 'I need one. I’m the smartest man in the USA and am needed to sort out the problems of the World!'. He takes one and jumps. Angela says ‘I need one, I'm the smartest person in Germany and I'm needed to sort out Europe’. She takes one and jumps. The Pope says ‘I need one as the world needs the Catholic Church.’ He takes one and jumps. Nicola Sturgeon says 'I'm the smartest woman in the UK and I am needed to sort out Brexit'. She takes the last one and jumps Boris says to the ten year old: "You can have the last parachute. I've lived my life, yours is only just starting." The 10 year old replied: "Don’t worry, there are 2 parachutes left, the smartest woman in the UK took my school bag." You got that wrong......the Pope is the last one left with the child and Boris Johnson is of course the smartest man in the UK....Scotland didn't get a look in....so Boris, the smartest man in the UK is the one with the school bag for a parachute.....Beano, Brexit Boris :-D :-D :-D Err, steady on folks, poor bugger is in ITU. You're right. Send him a copy as well, he needs a laugh! :-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracker Posted April 7, 2020 Author Share Posted April 7, 2020 Brian Kirby - 2020-04-07 3:40 PM You're right. Send him a copy as well, he needs a laugh! :-D I'll bet a shilling that even in his present state Boris has more of a sense of humour than many of the uptight buggers on here! Sorry - not you Brian!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Kirby Posted April 7, 2020 Share Posted April 7, 2020 Tracker - 2020-04-07 4:16 PM Brian Kirby - 2020-04-07 3:40 PM You're right. Send him a copy as well, he needs a laugh! :-D I'll bet a shilling that even in his present state Boris has more of a sense of humour than many of the uptight buggers on here! Sorry - not you Brian!! That's a pretty low risk bet! Shillings aren't even legal tender any more - at least, they aren't in Sussex! :-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barryd999 Posted April 7, 2020 Share Posted April 7, 2020 Brian Kirby - 2020-04-07 6:25 PM Tracker - 2020-04-07 4:16 PM Brian Kirby - 2020-04-07 3:40 PM You're right. Send him a copy as well, he needs a laugh! :-D I'll bet a shilling that even in his present state Boris has more of a sense of humour than many of the uptight buggers on here! Sorry - not you Brian!! That's a pretty low risk bet! Shillings aren't even legal tender any more - at least, they aren't in Sussex! :-D Its Brexiteer money Brian. They never did get used to decimalisation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracker Posted April 7, 2020 Author Share Posted April 7, 2020 Come the financial revolution we will all have to get used to dealing in CNY or RMB and then you will rue the day you mocked the shilling! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jumpstart Posted April 7, 2020 Share Posted April 7, 2020 There’s going to be a clap for Plumbers next Mon at 8am, though people are advised not to do it till mid day as Plumbers are always late. ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracker Posted April 7, 2020 Author Share Posted April 7, 2020 Terrible thing the clap - so I am told! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jumpstart Posted April 7, 2020 Share Posted April 7, 2020 Depends who’s got it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Kirby Posted April 8, 2020 Share Posted April 8, 2020 Barryd999 - 2020-04-07 6:55 PM Brian Kirby - 2020-04-07 6:25 PM Tracker - 2020-04-07 4:16 PM Brian Kirby - 2020-04-07 3:40 PM You're right. Send him a copy as well, he needs a laugh! :-D I'll bet a shilling that even in his present state Boris has more of a sense of humour than many of the uptight buggers on here! Sorry - not you Brian!! That's a pretty low risk bet! Shillings aren't even legal tender any more - at least, they aren't in Sussex! :-D Its Brexiteer money Brian. They never did get used to decimalisation. Cruel, but true! :-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracker Posted April 8, 2020 Author Share Posted April 8, 2020 Given the revised state of the world I can see a lot of sense in remaining either in or very closely aligned to the EU Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John52 Posted April 10, 2020 Share Posted April 10, 2020 Tracker - 2020-04-06 7:19 PM Boris says to the ten year old: "You can have the last parachute. That is funny (lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jumpstart Posted April 10, 2020 Share Posted April 10, 2020 Remember to take Viagra for all those with sunburnt legs. It doesn’t soothe the pain but does keep the sheets off your legs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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