twooks Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 RELATIONSHIPS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy OFFICE ARITHMETIC Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime SHOPPING MATH A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs. A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need. GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. HAPPINESS To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. LONGEVITY Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die. PROPENSITY TO CHANGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. bye bye for now - off for a wee while - so don't do anything naughty while I'm away hehehehehehehe and be nice to 'chele - she's got a poorly throat - [no rude or predictable jokes boys - play nice] B-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howie Posted June 6, 2007 Share Posted June 6, 2007 Bye bye Twooksie. Permission to let it all hang out as long as you return safe and sound. *-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howie Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 That was some send off we all gave you Twooksy and nice to have you back. ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twooks Posted August 6, 2007 Author Share Posted August 6, 2007 hey Howie - been hearing rumours about you not been too good while I was away, hope your back and fighting - or should that be fighting fit!! 'course - also heard rumours about your pink socks being found at Mel's tchh tchh you assured me you only wore green socks - 'cos they matched your underpants B-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howie Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 Only ever wear brown underpants Twooks. Last longer between washes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twooks Posted August 6, 2007 Author Share Posted August 6, 2007 does that mean you've been tellin me porkies me ole mate B-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howie Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 Would I ever lie to you Jackie. When someone as precious and pure as you comes along then I always follow my heart and let truth be my guiding light. xxx Could,nt lend me a couple of bob till Friday could you. Hate to ask but i,m flat broke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twooks Posted August 7, 2007 Author Share Posted August 7, 2007 funny you should ask me that, I know this guy with an off-shore bank account - now - you write a cheque for - lets say a couple of thou, he will process that and buy some foreign currency and the odd gold nugget - then transfer those funds back to dollars - and you get your original investment and a 50% profit at least - I think that's what he said *-) B-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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