chatterdog Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 Dear Friends I wanted to thank you for the e-mails you have forwarded over the year I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat poo in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same reason. I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But that will change once I receive the 000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft are sending me for participating in their special email programs. Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split seven million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me. I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to seven friends and make a wish within five minutes. I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up. I no longer go to shopping centre's because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan . I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum. I can't even pick up the £1 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will sit on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician. By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who don't have enough sex, always read their emails while holding the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late. Cheers this was posted on another forum but as it seems to cover several topics that have been aired on here over the year, i thought it would raise a smile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick H. Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 Couldn't have said it better myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donna miller Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 Bugger, Had to take my hand off the mouse the split second I read that part. :D :$ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chatterdog Posted December 16, 2008 Author Share Posted December 16, 2008 hehe if only i was a betting person. I would wager that practically everyone that read it did as well (including me) :$ :-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hymer C 9. Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 Nice one Maggie :D :D Carol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hopesy Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 My hand wasn't on my mouse..................... :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 Where was it then :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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