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thanks for all the emails


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Dear Friends


I wanted to thank you for the e-mails you have forwarded over the year


I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat poo in the

glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every

envelope that needs sealing.


Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same reason.


I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl (Penny

Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.


But that will change once I receive the 000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft are

sending me for participating in their special email programs.

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split seven

million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a

customer who died intestate.


I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out

for me.


I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to

seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.


I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.


I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car

so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.


I no longer go to shopping centre's because someone will drug me with a

perfume sample and rob me.


I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number

and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore

and Uzbekistan .


I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is

lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.


I can't even pick up the £1 I found dropped in the car park because it

probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to

grab my leg.


If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 70

minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will sit on your head at 5:00pm this

afternoon and fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to

grow a hairy hump.


I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door

neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.


By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has

discovered that people with low IQ who don't have enough sex, always read

their emails while holding the mouse.


Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.






this was posted on another forum but as it seems to cover several topics that have been aired on here over the year, i thought it would raise a smile.

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