josie gibblebucket Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 If you were going to put an ad in the lonely hearts column, (I'm not, this is just for fun) what would you put? Mine would be along the lines of: Young lady with tweezers seeks lumberjack with splinters OR Red Riding Hood seeks Wolf, bring your own goodies......... How would yours read? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
josie gibblebucket Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 What nobody with a GSOH?? *-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J9withdogs Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 An old widow decides to place a personal ad. it reads, "older woman seeking a man who wont beat me, wont run out on me, and has to still be good in bed." the next day her doorbell rings. she answers it, and to her surprise there's a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs. the man says "i'm here about the ad." the old lady says, "but you have no arms." the man replies, "therefore i cant beat you." the old lady says,"but you dont have any legs." the man replies, " so i cant run out on you." the old lady says "well, are you still good in bed?" the old man smiles and replies, "how do you think i rang the doorbell???" (Sorry I couldn't think of one for myself, Josie *-) ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
josie gibblebucket Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 What about beautiful lady with screwdriver seeks gentleman with full toolkit :$ :$ :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J9withdogs Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 :D :D :D More likely 'beautiful lady with screw loose seeks gentleman with full toolkit' (except I wouldn't know what to do with a gentleman if I fell over one *-) ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ohgrandma Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 I would. (lol) Put an apron on him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rapido-lass Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Solid, reliable and large driveway required to park my pretty homely motorhome on, preferably with the option to hook up if needed........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ohgrandma Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Lady with tandem, wishes to meet. gentleman for outings in the country, ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malc d Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 J9withdogs - 2009-03-19 12:43 PM :D :D :D More likely 'beautiful lady with screw loose seeks gentleman with full toolkit' (except I wouldn't know what to do with a gentleman if I fell over one *-) ) OR, instead of an ad, just stand outside your motorhome holding a screwdriver and looking perplexed. (It's not a new idea, I read it somewhere recently). ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracker Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Rapido-lass - 2009-03-19 2:32 PM Solid, reliable and large driveway required to park my pretty homely motorhome on, preferably with the option to hook up if needed........ Did you have anyone in particular in mind to hook up with Kathy - and does Kevin know? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howie Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Retired gentleman wishes to meet financially sound lady for booze, bar room brawls and bondage. Willing to provide alibi for evenings 3rd, 7th and 15th of March would be an advantage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J9withdogs Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Shamelessly nicked from another forum: DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS: 40-ish.............................................49 Adventurous.................Slept with all your mates Athletic......................................No tits Average looking...............Has a face like an a**e Beautiful...........................Pathological liar Contagious Smile..................Does a lot of pills Educated...................Was *****ed to bits at Uni' Emotionally Secure......................On medication Feminist..........................................Fat Free spirit....................................Junkie Friendship first..........................Former slut Fun..........................................Annoying Gentle...........................................Dull Good Listener................................Autistic New-Age............................Body hair problems Old-fashioned..........................No BJs or anal Open-minded.................................Desperate Outgoing........................Loud and Embarrassing Passionate...............................Sloppy drunk Poet.......................................Depressive Professional....................................Bitch Romantic.......................................Frigid Social.....................Fanny like a clowns pocket Voluptuous...................................Very Fat, Large lady.................................Hugely Fat Wants Soul mate...............................Stalker Widow........................................Murderer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carioca Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 J9withdogs - 2009-03-20 4:08 PM Shamelessly nicked from another forum: DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS: 40-ish.............................................49 Adventurous.................Slept with all your mates Athletic......................................No tits Average looking...............Has a face like an a**e Beautiful...........................Pathological liar Contagious Smile..................Does a lot of pills Educated...................Was *****ed to bits at Uni' Emotionally Secure......................On medication Feminist..........................................Fat Free spirit....................................Junkie Friendship first..........................Former slut Fun..........................................Annoying Gentle...........................................Dull Good Listener................................Autistic New-Age............................Body hair problems Old-fashioned..........................No BJs or anal Open-minded.................................Desperate Outgoing........................Loud and Embarrassing Passionate...............................Sloppy drunk Poet.......................................Depressive Professional....................................Bitch Romantic.......................................Frigid Social.....................Fanny like a clowns pocket Voluptuous...................................Very Fat, Large lady.................................Hugely Fat Wants Soul mate...............................Stalker Widow........................................Murderer wondered where the wifes profile had gone :$ :$ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ohgrandma Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 Look no further. Howie. I guess you mean 2010. though. (lol) (lol) Just out of interest, Can ya ride Tandem. ? *-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ROON Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 Oh dear, how boring am I ... Man wanted. Must be able to make a nice cup of tea. If anybody with any of the above attributes applies, I will forward them on to you. :'( Joy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howie Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 ohgrandma - 2009-03-21 12:28 PM Look no further. Howie. I guess you mean 2010. though. (lol) (lol) Just out of interest, Can ya ride Tandem. ? *-) Thats awfully kind of you Ria and never tried riding tandem, but willing to give it a go. Not sure of the 'etiquette' involved so what do you fancy, front or rear. he he. Looking forward to your reply Grandma, but may I suggest you give the matter some thought before committing yourself to print. xxx Oi Joy, I,ll be only to happy to make you a nice cuppa and bring it up to you first thing in the morning. :-> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
omidknight Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Think I`d put Perverted, drug addicted, sex crazed when alone, selfish, ugly, hard up male seeks female with same interests and qualities Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
W3526602 Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Hi., From the pages of Motor Sport magazine about 50 years ago..... Help. Popsie, vintage 1932 seeks tall handsome man to help with her MG. I can scarcely control myself, let alone 12 screaming horses. Wine and song provided. Unfortunately, it had a box number. And I'm vintage 1939. 602 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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