Jump to content

When girls.......


Guest peter

Recommended Posts

When girls don't put out!!

This was written by a guy.....it's pretty damn smart.

 

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

 

FOR EXAMPLE:

 

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

 

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

 

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..

 

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

 

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

 

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

 

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfit s. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

 

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis

 

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all

Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

 

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

 

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

 

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

 

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

 

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.......but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

 

NICKNAMES

 

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

 

If Matt, Dave and Bill go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

 

EATING OUT

 

When the bill arrives, Matt, Dave and Bill will each throw in £10, even though it's only for £25.50.

 

None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

 

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

 

MONEY

 

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

 

BATHROOMS

 

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

 

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.

 

A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

 

ARGUMENTS

 

A woman has the last word in any argument.

 

Anything a man says after that, is the beginning of a new argument.

 

FUTURE

 

A woman worries about the future, until she gets a husband.

 

A man never worries about the future, until he gets a wife.

 

SUCCESS

 

A successful man, is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

 

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

 

MARRIAGE

 

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

 

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

 

DRESSING UP

 

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

 

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

 

NATURAL

 

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

 

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

 

OFFSPRING

 

Ah, children.

 

A woman knows all about her children.

 

She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

 

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

 

AND A FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

 

A married man should forget his mistakes.

 

There's no sense in two people remembering the same thing!

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What she means Knight is that she will be giving him the elbow after a while and get someone else thats not burned out from all the greif she's giving him. :D
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The bride was very nervous, and her Mum was trying to help her remember how the service went.

"You walk down the aisle, stop when you get to the altar, then we'll all sing a hymn," she told her.

 

As the bride processed into the church, surprised guests heard her muttering under her breath:

"AISLE .... ALTAR .... HYMN. .... .... AISLE .... ALTAR .... HYMN ...."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

peter - 2009-09-17 9:54 PM

 

What she means Knight is that she will be giving him the elbow after a while and get someone else thats not burned out from all the greif she's giving him. :D

Not wishing to get into one hell of a row with the ladies on the forum, but a lot of women jump ship when they have stripped the wallet of the man of the moment, he then becomes history.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

knight of the road - 2009-09-18 5:01 PM

 

peter - 2009-09-17 9:54 PM

 

What she means Knight is that she will be giving him the elbow after a while and get someone else thats not burned out from all the greif she's giving him. :D

Not wishing to get into one hell of a row with the ladies on the forum, but a lot of women jump ship when they have stripped the wallet of the man of the moment, he then becomes history.

 

I don't know what sort of women you have known Malc but if you choose wisely you will not only have a lover but a friend, soulmate and companion for life - as well as getting clean shirts and socks once a week.

 

Quite a good deal I reckon!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

knight of the road - 2009-09-18 5:01 PM

 

peter - 2009-09-17 9:54 PM

 

What she means Knight is that she will be giving him the elbow after a while and get someone else thats not burned out from all the greif she's giving him. :D

Not wishing to get into one hell of a row with the ladies on the forum, but a lot of women jump ship when they have stripped the wallet of the man of the moment, he then becomes history.

 

Who says the man gets to keep his wallet and it's contents in the first place !!! 8-)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Good post Tracker. I know the answer to one bit, would question another, and am worried about a third.

 

When the money is slapped on the bar for a round or two, I'm reluctant to throw in wads of cash as I don't drink much. Does this mean I'm not a man?

 

With names, why do the girls at work call each other Al (instead of Alison), Wend (Wendy), Reet (Rita). I could go on but why shorten a decent name when you can have fat bird, old bag, and beanpole which are the terms of affection men use for them - very similar to the way the men refer to each other so they are not being sexist.

 

And the reason men are happier than women is that men can have a good woman but I'm not so sure it works the other way round.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...