Jump to content

Ladies beware......


J9withdogs

Recommended Posts

BEWARE, I got this in an email this morning and felt that I had to warn you straight away......

 

This is very, very scary - so please be on your guard at all times! You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves. My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine?

 

I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again. My bum was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new bum was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favour of long skirts.

 

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was drying my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next?

 

When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story... Women of the world wake up and smell the coffee!

 

Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts -stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted from you?

 

THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to women everywhere every night.

WARN YOUR FRIENDS!

 

P.S. Last year I thought someone had stolen my boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

 

BTW - These same thieves come in my closet and shrank my clothes! How do they do it????

 

I thought I better warn my friends! :-)

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A lot of young men have had similar visitations and had their brains extracted and replaced with that of Pygmy Shrews. Some other men that I know have had theirs replaced with the testicles of a Boar and yet more with Stella Artois. :D
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hymer C 9. - 2009-10-09 4:46 PM Do you know if they add bits as well when asleep as this could explain the spare tyre that keeps appearing around my middle. Carol. 8-)

Hello Carol

              Tony Fletcher over on Motorhome Matters is looking for a spare tyre. Might be fun trying to get rid of yours. ;-)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Tracker
J9withdogs - 2009-10-09 5:15 PM

 

A few people I know have had their sense of humour nicked as well.... *-) (lol)

 

You make one HUGE assumption there Janine - some folks seem to have been born without sense of humour in the first place!

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

peter - 2009-10-09 4:35 PM

 

A lot of young men have had similar visitations and had their brains extracted and replaced with that of Pygmy Shrews. Some other men that I know have had theirs replaced with the testicles of a Boar and yet more with Stella Artois. :D

 

What a revelation ... you mean some men actually HAD brains in the first place! 8-)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

nowtelse2do - 2009-10-09 5:10 PM
Hymer C 9. - 2009-10-09 4:46 PM Do you know if they add bits as well when asleep as this could explain the spare tyre that keeps appearing around my middle. Carol. 8-)

Hello Carol

              Tony Fletcher over on Motorhome Matters is looking for a spare tyre. Might be fun trying to get rid of yours. ;-)

No Carol, keep your spare tyre, you might be able to flog it at a high price to a motorhome owner who has a puncture but only has a can of gunk to fix it with! :D
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mel B - 2009-10-09 5:43 PM

 

peter - 2009-10-09 4:35 PM

 

A lot of young men have had similar visitations and had their brains extracted and replaced with that of Pygmy Shrews. Some other men that I know have had theirs replaced with the testicles of a Boar and yet more with Stella Artois. :D

 

What a revelation ... you mean some men actually HAD brains in the first place! 8-)

 

 

Can't let you get away with THAT Mel !

 

There are a lot of men around with brains.

 

They are called 'single '

 

 

;-)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

J9withdogs - 2009-10-12 7:06 PM

 

malc d - 2009-10-12 6:24 PM

 

Mel B - 2009-10-12 6:08 PM

 

A single brain cell! That answers that then! :-D

 

 

You could well be right.

 

Only one brain cell.

 

That would explain why most of them end up married.

 

:-D

 

...and are not good at multi-tasking :D

 

 

 

We men think of it as concentrating on doing each task properly.

 

(Whereas ladies have been known to put their make-up on while driving - that's an example of 'multi tasking')

 

:D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

davenewell@home - 2009-10-14 7:10 AM

 

Men can multi task too, I've seen them, usually driving down the M6 with phone in right hand or wedged between shoulder and ear, sandwich/coffee cup in left hand with a fag between their fingers too.

 

D.

 

But what are they holding the steering wheel with! 8-)

 

On second thoughts .... don't answer that! :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mel B - 2009-10-14 5:55 PM

 

davenewell@home - 2009-10-14 7:10 AM

 

Men can multi task too, I've seen them, usually driving down the M6 with phone in right hand or wedged between shoulder and ear, sandwich/coffee cup in left hand with a fag between their fingers too.

 

D.

 

But what are they holding the steering wheel with! 8-)

 

On second thoughts .... don't answer that! :D

 

Ha ha...I bet someone's tried to get a patent on that! :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Their knees of course!! Mind you I have seen a woman beat that by driving down the M6 (also known as the North Birmingham car park) at well past 70MPH with a newspaper spread across her lap, mascara in her right hand and sun visor down for the mirror, phone and ciggy in right hand and coffee and croissant in left hand 8-) 8-) !

 

D.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...