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NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

 

 

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

 

 

* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

* Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true!!!

 

 

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Edited version:

 

NINE WORDS MEN USE

 

(1) Fine... This is the 'word' men use to end an argument when they are wrong, usually accompanyied by a sulk.

 

(2) Five Minutes: If he being asked to do a chore this will last at least half an hour.

 

(3) Nothing: This indicates that they are up to something they shouldn't be ... like nicking your chocolate!

 

(4) Go Ahead: They say this in the hope that you won't be able to do whatever it is and will have to ask them for their help ... how wrong they are.

 

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement where a man means he has admitted defeat and will do the 'chore'!

 

(6) That's Okay: When a man knows you are right, but won't admit it - this is the nearest you'll get!

 

(7) Thanks: A woman usually faints from shock when hearing this as it is so unusual to hear any man say it.

 

(8) Whatever: When a man can't make his mind up, one way or another, so passes the buck to the woman to do so.

 

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: This is a myth - it just wouldn't be uttered by any man.

 

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How about these rules?

 

THE MAN RULES

AT LAST A GUY HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN

 

 

FINALLY, THE GUYS' SIDE OF THE STORY. ( I MUST ADMIT, IT'S PRETTY GOOD.)

WE ALWAYS HEAR 'THE RULES' FROM THE FEMALE SIDE ...NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE.

 

THESE ARE OUR RULES!

PLEASE NOTE.. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED '1 '

ON PURPOSE!

 

 

1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

 

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN.

YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

 

1. SUNDAY SPORTS IT'S LIKE THE FULL MOON OR THE CHANGING OF THE TIDES. LET IT BE.

 

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

 

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:

SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!

STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!

OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!

JUST SAY IT!

 

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

 

1. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

 

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

 

1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE.

DON'T ASK US.

 

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE

 

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH. IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

 

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS..

 

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE.

 

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS. PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

 

1. IF IT ITCHES, IT WILL BE SCRATCHED..

WE DO THAT.

 

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

 

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR.

 

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY.

 

1. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS BASEBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS

 

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

 

1. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

 

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

 

1. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS.

YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT;

BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING.

 

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