Hospital visit

[nightrider]

Got to go to hospital next week for a Colonoscopy, this is a procedure where they insert a camera up your exhaust pipe, not looking forward to it but it has to be done.

Once these hospitals get a grip of you they won't let go and when you hear the slap of rubber gloves you know whats coming, I think every part of my body has been minutely examined and half the staff and possibly some of the patients of the Royal Oldham Hospital have donned the old rubber gloves and poked and prodded my rear end.

Mind you, its a good conversational thing with wimmen cos wimmen love talking about doctors and hospitals and illnesses dont they?

One thing about the Oldham Royal is that they have a superb restaurant as good as any top class hotel.

[bob b]

Good luck with that Malcolm. You do leave your 'dignity on the doorstep' at hospitals though generally.

If things don't pan out....can I 'ave yer socket set ?

Best wishes !

[davenewellhome]

Best of luck to you Malc, I had to have a colonoscopy and an oral endoscopy (camera inserted from both ends 8-) ) on the same visit. Trouble is the people doing the work don't appear to have a sense of humour. I said to the surgeon doing mine "do the oral one first please" :D Reply was "we don't use the same endoscopy unit for both!"

 

Thankfully I was sedated as they were doing both ends at the same time.

 

D.

[Hymer C 9.]

Good Luck with that one Malc 8-) sounds like your getting sorted out ready the new year. Carol. :-) Hope all goes well.

[colin]

On the subject of Colonoscopies...

 

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were

quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual

comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was

performing their colonoscopies:

 

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone

before!'

 

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

 

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

 

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

 

5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'

 

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

 

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

 

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

 

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'

 

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

 

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

 

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

 

 

 

 

 

 

And the best one of all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up

there?'

 

[nowtelse2do]

davenewell@home - 2010-01-02 5:27 PM Best of luck to you Malc, I had to have a colonoscopy and an oral endoscopy (camera inserted from both ends 8-) ) on the same visit. Trouble is the people doing the work don't appear to have a sense of humour. I said to the surgeon doing mine "do the oral one first please" :D Reply was "we don't use the same endoscopy unit for both!" Thankfully I was sedated as they were doing both ends at the same time. D.

Spit roasted then Dave,:D Make sure you have got a good cushion in that car, eh!!

All the best Malc, Take a posser with you,:-D

Dave

[Mel B]

Hope it all goes well - nothing to the exam itself ... but you do tend to 'fart' a bit afterwards!!! :$

 

It wasn't the procedure that I found a problem when I had one, it was the lead up to it - the 'fasting' nearly did me in. I was told to fast from the previous day, having to take medication to 'clear the way' so to speak throughout that day, so by the morning of the exam I was absolutely famished. I then couldn't have anything at all to drink ... the problem was that my exam wasn't until mid-afternoon and when the time came I was very light-headed. Unfortunately my exam required me to stand for some time (not sure if they all do this?) and by the end I was nearly passing out. Fortunately one of the nurses got me a nice hot cup of tea which I had immediately after they'd finished. It turned out that whoever had sent me the appointment letter had sent me the instructions for someone having it done first thing in the morning, no wonder I was in a state!!! :D

[davenewellhome]

If any of you think this exam is troublesome you should try a barium enema, yes I've been there and its not pretty! :$

[Frankkia]

davenewell@home - 2010-01-02 5:27 PM

 

Best of luck to you Malc, I had to have a colonoscopy and an oral endoscopy (camera inserted from both ends 8-) ) on the same visit. Trouble is the people doing the work don't appear to have a sense of humour. I said to the surgeon doing mine "do the oral one first please" :D Reply was "we don't use the same endoscopy unit for both!"

 

Thankfully I was sedated as they were doing both ends at the same time.

 

D.

 

Now Dave there are easier ways to fit a stereo! 8-)

[nightrider]

My appointment is for 5.45pm on wednesday, that seems like a nightshift to me. I'm not looking forward to the fast either.

[nightrider]

bob b - 2010-01-02 5:26 PM

Good luck with that Malcolm. You do leave your 'dignity on the doorstep' at hospitals though generally.

If things don't pan out....can I 'ave yer socket set ?

Best wishes !

If things dont pan out someone is going to have one hell of a headache in trying to sort out and dispose of my lifetimes collection of woodworking tools and machines.The trouble is they will not know the value of the equipment and tooling, at one time I tried to do an inventory of what I have but gave up on it, far too much stuff.

[CliveH]

You will be OK Malcolm – I have had it done and as Mel says – apart from the joy of being able to break wind for longer than is normally humanely possible there is not a lot of after effects.

 

I went on to have a further procedure called an Anal Stretch which brings tears to your eyes and puts most people off their breakfast. This was due to my suffering incredible cramps in that region. Drivers suffer from this a lot – thought to be due to the sitting position and the vibration on the vehicle.

 

Most embarrassing episode was when attending my wife’s antenatal classes and the ladies were told to practice clenching their pelvic floor muscles. Being a bit bored I thought I would have a go as well and was rewarded with the most excruciating pain in my backside such that I had to leap up and hop around all the pregnant mums. In the end I had to go outside.

 

I just got their when the whole class erupted in laughter as my wife told the midwife who had asked what the problem was, that I had tried to clench my pelvic floor muscles and got cramp in my a**e.

 

[Syd]

On here this seems to be a pretty common procedure, almost everyone has had it.

I feel right left out, am I the only one to have missed this experience

[catinou]

Had both procedures done at various times BUT the biggest emarrassment for me was finding a hospital where I didn't know the staff doing it! My husband works in this field and is "on the other end" on a daily basis..... :$

[nightrider]

Syd - 2010-01-03 9:00 AM

 

On here this seems to be a pretty common procedure, almost everyone has had it.

I feel right left out, am I the only one to have missed this experience

 

Syd,

As a special favour to you only, you can go in my stead.

[howie]

Hope it all goes well for you Malcolm, and a small price to pay for peace of mind. Such a pity Syd has no first hand experience of such a 'entertaining' subject, and a procedure that by its very nature tends to bring out the very best of British humour. As previously mentioned, dignity is the biggest loser, and after a day of laxatives and starvation (am I the only one who gets severe tea/coffee withdrawal symptoms after twelve hours ) its either laugh or cry, especially when you stand there naked with that stupid gown trying to decide which part of your anatomy will cause the least embarrassment (mixed ward with us) to you and the other patients. Sedation is a must. Shown the tiny camera to be used the first time and poo poohed the very idea, but never told that it would be encased in something akin to a U Boat periscope, and never again. No problem getting rid of all that compressed air, though the recovery room does give a fair impression of our local brass band having a brisk warm up, and such a relief, but it's that waiting hot cuppa and plate of sandwiches that always see's me through with (hopefully) a clean bill of health making it all worthwhile.

[nightrider]

I am glad that I am not alone in having to go through this procedure and that quite a few members have had experience of it.

It is to me moral support, and my sense of humour being what it is I will be able to laugh about it after the event.

[howie]

How very true Malcolm, and a kind word or moral support always helps. Rather perturbed when you say 'able to laugh about it after the event' though and might just be taking things for granted there. Any time spent in hospital comes with so many inherent dangers, from potentionally fatal infections, now so prevalent, to the seemingly simple administration of sedation/anaesthetic, which is such an exact science on its own. Not enough, and you feel every pain and agony, too much, and you run the very real risk of having a permanent shutdown of all your vital organs, but this is rare, and we all look forward to a full report later on next week, God willing.

[Way2Go]

The best of luck with the exploration Malcolm.  I had the same thing a couple of years ago and despite some rather unpleasant 'features' it's really not that bad.  Its the thought of it that's the worse thing.

Best of luck to you.

W2G

[Mel B]

knight of the road - 2010-01-03 1:04 AM

 

My appointment is for 5.45pm on wednesday, that seems like a nightshift to me. I'm not looking forward to the fast either.

 

Malc - might be worth checking if you can have anything at all on the day of the exam as by tea-time you'll be half dead! I only found out just beforehand that I could've at least sucked on barley sugar sweets to keep me from flaking out - too ruddy late by then though!

 

You'll soon know how the fairy feels when plonked on top of the Christmas tree!!! (lol)

[catinou]

So sorry Malcolm ! When I did a "cut and paste job" on my post above I seem to have wiped out the first sentence - it actually said " Good luck Malcom...." I am sorry for the hasty post :$ and hope all goes well for you. Welcome to the Picolax club - you will always know who has had this procedure if you use that word....... 8-)

[nightrider]

Will be starting my fast tomorrow, I can eat and drink certain things, thank god for my wife who sorts all those things out, I would be lost without her, by the time wednesday comes I reckon I will be ravenous.

[maggyd]

knight of the road - 2010-01-02 5:14 PM

 

Got to go to hospital next week for a Colonoscopy, this is a procedure where they insert a camera up your exhaust pipe, not looking forward to it but it has to be done.

Once these hospitals get a grip of you they won't let go and when you hear the slap of rubber gloves you know whats coming, I think every part of my body has been minutely examined and half the staff and possibly some of the patients of the Royal Oldham Hospital have donned the old rubber gloves and poked and prodded my rear end.

Mind you, its a good conversational thing with wimmen cos wimmen love talking about doctors and hospitals and illnesses dont they?

One thing about the Oldham Royal is that they have a superb restaurant as good as any top class hotel.

 

 

 

 

???????? Wimmin?????? What does that say about you then K.O.R. I haven't noticed anyone but the MEN on here talking about their Bits and Pieces. Yes since you bring it up I too have had similar procedures!! but I haven't told anyone ;-) Men just like plenty of sympathy!! I hate to think what Men would talk about if they were ever to give BIRTH. (lol) (lol)

[howie]

You,ve got to be kidding Margaret and any gathering of females guarantees a full repertoire of every operation ever performed, and some more. 8-)

[nightrider]

maggyd - 2010-01-04 6:27 PM

 

knight of the road - 2010-01-02 5:14 PM

 

Got to go to hospital next week for a Colonoscopy, this is a procedure where they insert a camera up your exhaust pipe, not looking forward to it but it has to be done.

Once these hospitals get a grip of you they won't let go and when you hear the slap of rubber gloves you know whats coming, I think every part of my body has been minutely examined and half the staff and possibly some of the patients of the Royal Oldham Hospital have donned the old rubber gloves and poked and prodded my rear end.

Mind you, its a good conversational thing with wimmen cos wimmen love talking about doctors and hospitals and illnesses dont they?

One thing about the Oldham Royal is that they have a superb restaurant as good as any top class hotel.

 

 

 

 

???????? Wimmin?????? What does that say about you then K.O.R. I haven't noticed anyone but the MEN on here talking about their Bits and Pieces. Yes since you bring it up I too have had similar procedures!! but I haven't told anyone ;-) Men just like plenty of sympathy!! I hate to think what Men would talk about if they were ever to give BIRTH. (lol) (lol)

aaw dont start that one Maggy, what about what us men have to go through? ripped and torn knee's not to mention carpet burns to ones knee's *-)