CliveH Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 This was apparently sent to David Miliband ........... NIGEL JOHNSON-HILL, PARKFARM, MILLAND, LIPHOOK GU30 7JT Rt Hon David Miliband MP Secretary of State. Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA), Nobel House 17 Smith Square London SW1P 3JR 16 July 2009 Dear Secretary of State, My friend, who is in farming at the moment, recently received a cheque for £3,000 from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing pigs.. I would now like to join the "not rearing pigs" business. In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on, and which is the best breed of pigs not to rear? I want to be sure I approach this endeavor in keeping with all government policies, as dictated by the EU under the Common Agricultural Policy. I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is not the type you want not rearing, I will just as gladly not rear porkers. Are there any advantages in not rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks or Gloucester Old Spots, or are there too many people already not rearing these? As I see it, the hardest part of this programme will be keeping an accurate record of how many pigs I haven't reared. Are there any Government or Local Authority courses on this? My friend is very satisfied with this business. He has been rearing pigs for forty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was £1,422 in 1968. That is - until this year, when he received a cheque for not rearing any. If I get £3,000 for not rearing 50 pigs, will I get £6,000 for not rearing 100? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 pigs not raised, which will mean about £240,000 for the first year. As I become more expert in not rearing pigs, I plan to be more ambitious, perhaps increasing to, say, 40,000 pigs not reared in my second year, for which I should expect about £2.4 million from your department. Incidentally, I wonder if I would be eligible to receive tradable carbon credits for all these pigs not producing harmful and polluting methane gases? Another point: These pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat 2,000 tonnes of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growing crops. Will I qualify for payments for not growing cereals to not feed the pigs I don't rear? I am also considering the "not milking cows" business, so please send any information you have on that too. Please could you also include the current Defra advice on set aside fields? Can this be done on an e-commerce basis with virtual fields (of which I seem to have several thousand hectares)? In view of the above you will realise that I will be totally unemployed, and will therefore qualify for unemployment benefits. I shall of course be voting for your party at the next general election. Yours faithfully, Nigel Johnson-Hill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malc d Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 ... and he replied: " I'm sorry I can't help you because I think I am Foreign Secretary at the moment" It's a good letter but I don't think the writer needs to worry about who he votes for. Nothing will change under a different government. ( I was hoping to get set-aside for letting my garden become overgrown but I realise that the country can't afford it at the moment so I will carry on mowing the lawn until the economy improves). ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracker Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 malc d - 2010-01-12 11:21 AM ... and he replied: " I'm sorry I can't help you because I think I am Foreign Secretary at the moment" ;-) Sensible answer 'cos he can't bank on being anything for much longer - with luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest peter Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 What makes you think the other bunch of Yahoo Henrie's will be any better Richard? Remember Margaret Thatcher? who decimated this countries manufacturing base and created the Yuppie bank bonus I don't give a toss about anybody but myself culture. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracker Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 peter - 2010-01-12 10:49 PM What makes you think the other bunch of Yahoo Henrie's will be any better Richard? Remember Margaret Thatcher? who decimated this countries manufacturing base and created the Yuppie bank bonus I don't give a toss about anybody but myself culture. Fair comment Peter - I can't be sure - but what generally happens with long serving prime ministers is that they, whatever political brand they may purport to represent - tend to get arrogant and convinced that their way is the only way. On that basis alone maybe a change is better than a continuation? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Momma Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 I have to confess to being out last night and found myself defending David Milliband. Someone stated that he was not fit to live with pigs and I told them he was !! (Yup, the old ones are still the best) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Syd Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 peter - 2010-01-12 10:49 PM What makes you think the other bunch of Yahoo Henrie's will be any better Richard? Remember Margaret Thatcher? who decimated this countries manufacturing base and created the Yuppie bank bonus I don't give a toss about anybody but myself culture. Think about it. It is not just MPs and bankers who live in this "I don't give a toss about anybody but myself culture", sadly most of our population do too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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