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Parish Church magazines


donna miller

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The following have all appeared in church magazines so let us thank God

for church ladies with typewriters.

 

 

 

> Next weekend's Fasting & Prayer Conference in Whitby includes all meals.

> --------------------------

> Sunday morning sermon: 'Jesus Walks on the Water'

> Sunday evening sermon: 'Searching for Jesus.'

> --------------------------

> Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those

> things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

> --------------------------

> Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

> Smile at someone who is hard to love.

> Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

> --------------------------

> Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

> --------------------------

> Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving

> obvious pleasure to the congregation .

> --------------------------

> For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery

> downstairs.

> --------------------------

> Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the

> help they can get.

> --------------------------

> Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the

> church.

> So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

> --------------------------

> At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'

> Come early and listen to our choir practice

> --------------------------

> Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of

> several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

> --------------------------

> Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be

> recycled.

> Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

> --------------------------

> Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased

> person you want remembered.

> --------------------------

> The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and

> gracious hostility.

> --------------------------

> Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

> --------------------------

> The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may

> be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

> --------------------------

> This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across

> from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

> --------------------------

> The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would

> lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

> --------------------------

> Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the

> back door.

> --------------------------

> The school drama group will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the

> Church hall on Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend

> this tragedy.

> --------------------------

> Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.

> Please use large double door at the side entrance.

> --------------------------

> The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last

> Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!'

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In the mid 70's I used to edit the local football club's match programme. There was a national magazine called 'Weekend' that paid for misquotes etc. In one of the programmes, I typed, "The toilets are closed whilst we carry out repairs. Please bare with us in the meantime." A friend sent it off to Weekend, got £5 or £10 (can't remember) but refused to share it with me. He became an ex-friend. At least I avoided, "please bare with us during the inconvenience".
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Had to take issue with our local vicar, last year he wrote "this is the time of year to rest and go on holiday", I pointed out to him that this is a rural parrish and it was harvest time when the farms are going flat out *-)
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