RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

[Guest JudgeMental]

 

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

 

 

 

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good

food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

 

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California , and mine is in

Texas .

 

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

 

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I

haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

 

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

 

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.

She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!' So I bought

her an electric chair.

 

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in

the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'

 

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell

off.

 

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the

garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

 

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

 

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

 

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt

her.

 

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?'

I said, 'Dust!'

[Guest peter]

You're living dangerously Judge. You just wait 'till Janine's Fusiliers see this. I'd keep a low profile for a couple of days.

Brilliant though and Red Skelton was obviously a man of vision. (lol)