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Gassing ... through the kehole


art338

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Sorry about the heading folks but your urgent attention was needed.

 

What follows is very serious so please don’t laugh!!

 

The situation here is a ‘men only one’; ladies may of course offer an answer (if they dare). It revolves around gentlemen’s garments referred to as ‘Y’ fronts or, in this instance what are being described by M&S as a “Keyhole Fly” garment. They are displayed in a sealed package of 5 @ £15.00. Many items can be tried in the store but I doubt it would be correct here.

 

Right here we go … My appendage is central and, I assume most other men are of the same construction. When using the ‘Y Front’ garment it’s no hazard to use the very simple single opening on the right hand side, pointing one’s appendage where required and, when relief has been obtained, it is normally no problem to replace one’s appendage within the required garment space. It should be stated here that no unforeseen damage or anxiety has been attached to one’s appendage. Good so far.

 

The “Keyhole Fly” … If you have not become an owner of such a garment then I suggest you avoid the M&S stand lest you eventually injure part of your body or ‘Pee all down your trousers” or anyone in close proximity.

 

The garment in question like the normal ‘Y Front’ has an opening on the right hand side, BUT, it also has an opening on the left hand side, on a secondary layer of material, SO, I hear you shout it’s for the ambidextrous gent, well yes maybe, and yes there are two openings, at 180* to each other. BUT between the two openings (L&R) the garment consists of TWO LAYERS OF MATERIAL and NO CENTRAL HOLE I repeat NO CENTRAL HOLE out of which to point one’s appendage.

 

I will endeavour to explain the procedures so far attempted. The only way I can see to operate the new Keyhole equipment as its designed is to feed one’s hand through the R/H opening, then OUT of the L/H opening to grasp one’s appendage. At this stage the members appendage has been distorted snake like and almost strangled by the tightness of the garment.

 

Having completed one’s duty with extreme difficulty now arrives the painful task of returning everything to normal, never to feel the same again. This as you may have gathered has taken a considerable amount of time, and, if within a public convenience other members present will no doubt be utterly perplexed as to what is going on.

 

It is a fact that to operate the 'Keyhole' garment correctly one needs to remove one's trousers half way down! Or am I missing something?

 

There is a simple answer of course, and the most convenient. Forget all about Keyholes and Fly’s, do as we did when 7 years old just raise one side.

 

If anyone else has met this situation please enlighten me on the best ways of tackling it.

 

Hope you liked that.

 

PS just noticed. Made in Sri Lanka

 

art

 

 

 

 

 

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art338 - 2010-08-23 8:50 PM

 

I'm not aware of Pringles other than the eating kind.

 

art

 

 

Something to do with playing golf aren't they ?

 

(I believe some players are persuaded to parade around as unpaid adverts for golfing 'jumpers')

 

 

 

 

;-)

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Can you not just go over the top!!

 

Digging down your leg for it sounds painful to me and you could look a bit of a show off if anyone should be watching.

 

Very descriptive writing though, your English teacher would be very proud, once they had finished laughing.

 

Bet a woman designed them, as it had to be a man that designed the string. :-D :-D

 

Mandy

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Don't tell David Frost, as he'll be round asking "What lives in pants like these".

Don't forget also, that any more than 2 shakes is classed as a w**k. :D

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art338 - 2010-08-23 10:21 PM

 

It certainly is painful hence my reason for posting, over the top may be a compromise but only in private.

 

Surely I'm not the only one attempting "Through the Keyhole"

 

art

 

 

Either you are a pioneer in advanced pant technology

 

or

 

no one else is man enough to admit that they bought the wrong pants.

 

 

;-)

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Malc,

 

But how does one know exactly what they've bought when they are sealed. There is no sample to examine first.

 

Perhaps I was the first guinea pig.

 

They are obviously being returned, and to their C/E at head office. I will tell all when they reply, assuming they will.

 

art

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art338 - 2010-08-24 12:53 PM

 

Malc,

 

But how does one know exactly what they've bought when they are sealed. There is no sample to examine first.

 

Perhaps I was the first guinea pig.

 

They are obviously being returned, and to their C/E at head office. I will tell all when they reply, assuming they will.

 

art

 

 

They might send them back to you with an owners manual.

 

 

:-)

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May I suggest a solution, the trick is to attach a piece of string to your apendage, and feed through the keyhole. You leave this lying in an appropriate place within easy reach and then just pull it out. A second string fed in the other direction through the second opening allows one to return the dicussed item back into its original position, be it centered, addressed left or addressed right.

 

Now for those who have not heard the expression more than two shakes is a ....

There is another saying.... "she pulls all the right strings for me". Well now you know where the saying ....ermmmm.....comes from.

 

 

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This is deadly serious, worthy of raising a question in Parliament.

 

I think you’re all missing the equation; you will have to visit M&S and buy 5 pairs at £15 to understand the problem. The front area of the garment is double; there is a hole on the top layer (on the right) and a hole on the inner layer (on the left). My appendage is central !!

 

I see neither hole as having any connection to the operation required. I just do not understand how one is supposed to use the garment. I’ve tried, I’ve persevered, I’ve demonstrated to my cousin, I’ve considered using a mirror.

 

It’s impossible. Would you like a picture?

 

art

 

 

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Wot? Pay £15 for for 5 pairs of drawers? Are you for real? I recently bought 5 pairs of fitted boxers for £6 from Primark. No they don't have a slot, gap, vent, hole or any other type of slit from whence one's appendage can be deployed so its an over the top job but they are comfortable and I think they look pretty good too (private viewings by arrangement and no cameras allowed ;-) ).

 

D.

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The reason for indicating the cost was that any disbelievers to my predicament could identify them easily in the shop, that's if they had not been removed.

 

Boxers or whatever are what one decides is for them, aging gentlemen have more fussy considerations.

 

Tonight I've penned a comment to Mark Bolland boss of M&S with a copy of my original.

 

art

 

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