A saw loser.

[Guest Tracker]

Paddy and Mick are working at the local sawmill.

One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw

Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital.

Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick.

The nurse says, Oh he's out in Rehab exercising'.

Paddy couldn't believe it, but here's Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm.

The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill.

A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw.

So Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off tohospital.

Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is.

The nurse replies, 'He's out in the Rehab again exercising'.

And sure enough, here's Mick out there doing some serious work on the

treadmill.

And very soon Mick comes back to work.

But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head.

Wearily Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to hospital.

Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is.

The nurse breaks down and cries and says, 'He's dead.'

Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. 'I suppose the saw finally did him in.'

'No', says the nurse.

 

 

'Some dopey pratt put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated'.

 

[Guest Tracker]

A tale of four worms.

 

 

 

A Minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

 

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

 

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

 

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

 

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

 

The fourth worm was put into a container of good, clean soil.

 

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

 

The first worm in alcohol ... Dead.

 

The second worm in cigarette smoke ... Dead.

 

The third worm in chocolate syrup ... Dead.

 

The fourth worm in good, clean soil ... Alive .

 

So the Minister asked the congregation, "What did you learn from this demonstration?"

 

Maxine was sitting in the back and quickly raised her hand and said,

 

"As long as you drink, smoke, and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

 

That pretty much ended the service !!

 

 

 

[donna miller]

A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

 

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set but, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, sold illegal drugs, and had passed on herpes to someone.

I was appalled but as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

 

Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk.

 

"I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived," he began, "in fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."

 

And the moral of this tale: Never, never be late.