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Fifty one years ago


nightrider

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4th of march fifty one years ago was when I married my first wife, just phoned her up and had a chat about old times, we lasted out 20 years before divorcing, had some laughs, had some fights, we keep in touch and we are now just like brother and sister, far better to be friends than harbour grudges.
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Well done - nice if you can do that.

 

I couldn't - my first wife was a devious madam who tried to take me for a financial ride but she was not the sharpest knife in the box (and neither was her then new partner) and so with a little bit of fancy footwork I managed to be fair (and I do mean that) rather than get shafted.

 

Second time around we have just enjoyed our 30th Wed Ann and are still happy - so it does work out well if you work at it.

 

My first wife tho (sorry - you have got me started!! (lol) ) she came over all nice and said we ought to separate everything and put a value on it. Which we did but it was clear that as I had to pay her half the equity in the house she was undervaluing things by a marked amount so she could take more by offsetting it against the equity share..

 

I let her do this as my solicitor had warned me of this tactic. So we agreed (with me making out I was very reluctant) to value everything as low as possible and i just let her - she thought she was going to walk away with nearly everything!! - she could hardly suppress the grin on her face. She totted it all up - she got virtually the lot and I STILL owed her some of the equity in the house.

 

Then I pointed out that the agreement we had signed was for all assets and liabilities and she said that there was only the mortgage as liabilities. I said "I do not think so - what about these debts you have pilled up on my credit card?"

 

"They do not count" she said

 

"Oh yes they do" says I

 

And I then proceeded to buy back all things she thought she had gained at a knock down price. So successfull was she in getting the price down on all these items that I really did pay very little for them ideed and she had the audacity to object that some things were too cheap - so I just smilled and pointed out that this was our "agreed price" - BUT I also had to share half of the ruddy great credit card bill she ran up in the months before she actually left. Was she calculating or what!!. If I had not been on the ball and contacted the providers I would never have known because she was hiding the statements!!

 

But thanks to being able to turn the tables - I actually did "OK" - not brilliant - nobody ever does in these things. But it was a sweet tasting moment when her new "partner" had to write a cheque for several £'000's as final settlement as well as their getting sweet FA of my nice "assets" such that he saw fit to name me on the cheque as

 

"CliveH - the coniving b*st*ard"

 

I had it framed on the wall in my office for many years.

 

Then realised it was just not important in the big scheme of things and so destroyed it.

 

I sort of hope they are as happy as we are.

 

They say the best possible revenge is having a happy life.

 

I think that is true.

 

 

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Aaah marriage, with this ring I thee dread, to love honour and betray etc etc

 

I'm on my 3rd hubby now, the first lasted only 7 years, but we were too young really

 

The second was an out and out conman, took me for everything after just 8 months :'( >:-(

 

and the current one, well we've have been together for 18 years now, he's a toyboy too :-D :-D

 

Both divorces though, I got next to nothing, probably because in the case of the first one, I left him, it meant he got the house - as possession is 9 tenths of the law, I got to keep the child and all the debts. He even kept the car >:-( Being a b******d obviously pays off.....

 

Oh and had 2 long term live in relationships in between husbands, they were wronguns too

 

Would I do it a 4th time, (even if I were lucky enough to have the opportunity) not on your nelly!! ;-)

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Good for you but I dont understand it myself, just the thought of holding any conversation with my 1st wife fills me with dread. I had a very unamicable and very costly (she got everything I got nothing) divorce best thing I ever did next to having mini ips. Luckily the robbing b***h lives 40 miles or so away at the moment (not quite far enough for my liking) so I dont have to see or talk to her which is all good with me. Ring her up and have a chat ......... hell would freeze over 1st.

Oh and for the record I wouldnt change mrs ips for anyone in the world so it all came good in the end, just a pitty I wasted 9yrs on the 1st nutter.

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Guest pelmetman

The last I saw of my ex was when I left her at a looneybin near Chigwell after she agreed to be sectioned as a paranoid schizophrenic 8-).......................

 

Never a dull moment with that marriage only 3 years but I could write a book................

 

Unfortunately I never new who I'd wake up with in the morning........nice spice...or.....scary spice 8-)

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I can assure you they are ....... particularily if you have a business as I did / do. Still I did get away with relative sanity (dont think that would have been the case if I had stayed much longer) and a very nice shirt on my back ...... that was about all I got cos she emptied the accounts before filing for divorce then I couldnt get at em. ooooh makes yer blood boil dont it >:-(
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OH what tales of woe!

Been married 56 years, and I was a VERY young.

our first date was his 10th birthday party! Next one was my 17th birthday. been together ever since.

You youngsters have no staying power!!

Two of our three kids have been divorced twice ,So-far our grandchildren are staying clear of marriage, as they have seen their parents lives.

Unfortunatley it is the kids that feel it most. I know, as I was from a divorced family, in the 1940,s when it was not so common.

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Guest Tracker

My first marriage lasted 37 years and would still be going strong had my lovely Molly not died in 2004 and left me devastated and distraught.

 

Just when I thought that life alone was maybe not so bad after all I found my darling Dottie, the present Mrs Tracker - or rather Rosie my lunatic collie found her for me when we were doggy walking - and we three quickly settled down to life together just as if we had always been!

 

So far so good then in the Tracker world with just the one major upset - so far!

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pepe63 - 2012-03-05 3:37 PM

 

PJay - 2012-03-05 3:13 PM

 

...our first date was his 10th birthday party! Next one was my 17th birthday. been together ever since.

 

...I'm assuming that some time had indeed past,between date no 1 and date no 2 ?..... (lol)

 

 

Yes it did. But we did go to the same schools, though in different years He is older than me by 10months.

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ips - 2012-03-05 12:22 PM

Oh and for the record I wouldnt change mrs ips for anyone in the world so it all came good in the end, just a pitty I wasted 9yrs on the 1st nutter.

Totally agree (but for my Mrs H of course!! (lol) and my first "nutter" was only 7 years but that was long enough. Nice to hear of someone elses happiness second time round.
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It might be that me and my ex are now on friendly terms but it wasn't always like that, to be married to an obsessively jealous violent woman is not to be recommended, I suffered in silence for 20 years.

I am now remarried to a wonderful woman who is my soulmate and we are coming up to our 20th wedding anniversary in may, life couldn't be better, my ex thought life was better on the other side of the fence but after a while she realised it wasn't, by then too much water had gone under the bridge. She put nothing into life and has got nothing out of life, for me divorce was like being reborn.

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Married for 24 years and then divorced, great marriage lovely guy just grew apart.

 

Both met someone else and the day I moved out she moved in. :-D

 

No falling out over settlement as I wanted my sons life to change as little as possible, he just swapped mums as he stayed with his dad, a decision his dad and I made and both happy with it.

 

We have always stayed friends and holiday together as we both have motorohomes, we go to rallies alot together too which people find strange at times but we always said if we ever split we would always stay friends and we have, 35 years now :-D :-D

 

But life is different for all of us, I have had a wonderful life and very grateful for it.

 

Mandy

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I got married at the tender age of 19 I knew nothing of life and much less about women, I married for the right reason, love, my wife had an ulterior motive for marriage which I found out some years later.

Lots of men suffer in silence from a violent woman, they are ashamed to admit they are being mentally abused and physically bullied, a lot of guys I know who were having marital problems left their wives and kids and went back home to mum, I didn't I stuck with it and suffered for 20 years.

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CliveH - 2012-03-06 6:26 AM

 

I can certainly agree with your last statement Malcolm Divorce is like being reborn. You can draw a line under what went before and start a new life.

 

Thats the secret forget em and get on with it, lifes way to short to think about the past think your self lucky you didnt waste a whole life on em and enjoy whats left

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These events affect different people in many different ways and divorce where children are involved can be very unpleasant for all and leave long lasting scars that are hard to ignore and sometimes hard to move on from.

 

After my wife died in 2004 I took to internet dating to relieve the lonliness and devastation and I met lots of lovely women over a nine month period, mainly for company, and most were charming and genuine.

 

Without exception they were all either widows or divorced as I made a point of not meeting anyone who was not in those categories and I can say that from my experience of these ladies in their 50's and 60's in many cases divorce had left far bigger scars than bereavement.

 

When a partner or spouse dies it may be easier to draw a line and accept what has happened than with divorce. With death there are no 'what ifs' - what if we had done this or that differently?

 

Fortunately, I have no experience of divorce so cannot compare directly but whilst the loss of my wife hurt me mentally and emotionally, from a practical point of view at least my finances and pensions remained intact which enabled me to build a new life without money worries.

 

It was ironic really that all the efforts we had made over many years to protect my wife financially in the event that I died first turned out to protect me and not her after all and any sacrifices in our younger years that we made to help build up this security have been well justified now.

 

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pelmetman - 2012-03-05 12:55 PM

 

The last I saw of my ex was when I left her at a looneybin near Chigwell after she agreed to be sectioned as a paranoid schizophrenic 8-).......................

 

Never a dull moment with that marriage only 3 years but I could write a book................

 

Unfortunately I never new who I'd wake up with in the morning........nice spice...or.....scary spice 8-)

 

... that explains a lot about you Dave, and especially about your 'musings' on the 'book' thread!!!! 8-) (lol)

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Guest pelmetman
Mel B - 2012-03-07 11:12 PM

... that explains a lot about you Dave, and especially about your 'musings' on the 'book' thread!!!! 8-) (lol)

 

What ever do you mean Mel :-S....................................... are you suggesting the wrong loony was locked up :D

 

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