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Potholis Vulgaris


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As David Bellamy was of a wont to say as he bounced out of the bushes ‘great joy, a new species has been discovered in our fair lands’.


The once beautiful city of Edinburgh has been infected, like many other towns and cities with the new species of potholis. This has erupted in all the roads and streets and has displayed several varieties.

There is the very common “Potholis Minoris”, which is rampant. This tends to be found near the middle of the road. This is closely followed by “Potholis Majoris”, which as the name suggest is the larger variety. Of course becoming more common is the very large variety “Potholis Ohchabuggeris”. It makes its presence known by a sickening sound emanting from your suspension and usually requires a wheel alignment at the very least. Councils have decided that any form of removal of this new species is to be avoided as this would involve removal of expenditure required for allocation to essential wasteful Projects, pensions and Jollies and so all varieties are allowed to bloom at will. Some Council officials have evidently explained that the spread of the various Potholis varieties is good for traffic calming and adds great interest to people travelling the streets, and therefore is to be encouraged. This also reduces the need to spend money on installing road humps. Declaration of the Edinburgh roads as a UNESCO site of interest is being considered. Many motorists on seeing the damage done to their vehicles have had different opinions and have often suggested that filling in the said Potholis with said Council officials would be an excellent idea that would eliminate 2 problems.


Of course Edinburgh does have mitigating circumstances as the ruling Labour Party have bequeathed the city a wondrous tram line, to be completed a mere 5 years late, which is costing a mere £92 million per mile, surely a snip at the cost. It has already received a mention in the Guiness Book of Records. 1 mile of this Project would of course eliminate the whole city of the Potholis incursion for decades, but who are we mere mortals to criticise our wondrous leaders?. So if you do decide to visit our fair city with a vehicle do ensure it has heavy duty suspension. You are also welcome to collect as many varieties of Potholis as you can carry, no extra charge. By the way the trams are expected to be running by next year but they will not carry any passengers for 6 months as they might get mucked up by oiks such as the general public.. So do not be surprised if it does not stop at the designated stops, or the doors do not open., but you can stand and gaze in wonder at the generosity of Edinburgh City Council. Oh by the way all parking charges have been increased significantly so the now run at £3 per hour.



Enjoy your stay.

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Is this the start of keeping us BRITS out of Edinburgh??

Perhaps your council are waiting for the wall to go back up , before they let the trams open for Locals only


Shame as it is a beautiful City. or it was when I was last there, probably 40 plus years ago!


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nowtelse2do - 2013-03-08 7:18 PM


We were there 2yr ago and were determined to go back either this year or next. At £3 per hour car parking, think we will give it a miss.




Park outside and take the bus in, but hang on to the straps.

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