Working

[Syd]

 

When you have an

 

 

'I Hate My Job day'

[Even if you're retired, you sometimes have those days]

 

Try this Out:

 

Stop at your pharmacy

 

 

And Go to the thermometer section and

 

Purchase A rectal thermometer made By Johnson & Johnson.

 

Be very sure you get this Brand.

 

When You get home, lock your doors,

 

Draw The curtains and disconnect the phone

So You will not be disturbed.

 

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit In your favourite chair. Open the package and remove the Thermometer.

 

Now, Carefully place it on a table or a surface

So That it will not become chipped or broken.

 

 

Now The fun part begins.

 

Take Out the literature from the box and read it Carefully.

 

You Will notice that in small print there is a Statement:

 

 

"Every Rectal Thermometer Made by Johnson & Johnson Is Personally tested

And then Sanitized."

 

Now,

Close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,' I am so glad I do not work in

The thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.'

 

 

HAVE

A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE

OF A PAIN IN THE ASS THAN YOURS!

 

 

 

Remember,

If you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your Heart....

Maybe You should go and work for Johnson and Johnson!

 

Enjoy life now - It has an expiration date!

 

 

 

 

[Syd]

Subject: The Last Kiss

 

Back on January 9th, a group of Pekin,Illinois,bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge .

 

So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?" She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"

 

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked ..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe...why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"

 

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

 

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

 

It's still unclear whether he jumped or was pushed.

 

 

[antony1969]

The sun is slowly breaking through the industrial smog in Huddersfield and a couple of crackers from Syd :-D doesn't get much better .

[Guest pelmetman]

Very good Syd (lol) (lol)....................there has been a dearth of mirth on here lately :D

[Syd]

Sorry but picture will not post

May try later

[Syd]

What is Old?

 

OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Choose one, I can't do both!"

 

OLD" IS WHEN.. Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

 

 

OLD" IS WHEN. A sexy babe catches your eye and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

 

 

 

OLD" IS WHEN.... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

 

 

 

OLD IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

 

 

"OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by.... The doctor instead of by the police.

 

 

OLD" IS WHEN.... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fibre today.

 

 

"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

 

 

OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to wee