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advice please spain to uk


capcloser

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Got a problem and havent a clue how to solve it.Dad lives in benidorm he is 81 not in best health and running out of money,he is also lonely but wont admit it,he lives in an apartment but doesnt own it.He now wants to return to the uk and has asked me to talk to social services here,but i am not convinced they will help,he would need somewhere to live etc.He has lived in benidorm for 40 years,anyone got any ideas?
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capcloser - 2013-11-29 10:45 PM

 

Got a problem and havent a clue how to solve it.Dad lives in benidorm he is 81 not in best health and running out of money,he is also lonely but wont admit it,he lives in an apartment but doesnt own it.He now wants to return to the uk and has asked me to talk to social services here,but i am not convinced they will help,he would need somewhere to live etc.He has lived in benidorm for 40 years,anyone got any ideas?

Capcloser,

I don't like saying it but I think your elderly dad might face a few problems if he comes back to the UK You say he is 81, not in the best of health and is running out of money and has no equity in the apartment he lives in, so in effect after a period of 40 years living in Spain now that he has hit hard times he is wanting to come back to the UK to avail himself of our housing and welfare benefits that he has not contributed to for 40 years, It doesn't look good to me?

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Guest 1footinthegrave
Tell the authorities he's anything other than an expat, Roma gypsy seems flavour of the month, or Bulgarian (!) every other fecker and his brother seem to have no trouble coming to the UK without a pot to piss in, so why should he. Get him here first, and worry about the implications once he's here, is there no other family member that could take him in until he's sorted ?
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Guest pelmetman

My old man lives in Spain, and was 82 yesterday........he is starting to lose his marbles :-S........and although my older brother lives nearby we wonder how to deal with the inevitable.........as he has already had the equity out of his house so a care home in Spain is not an option :-| ........

 

 

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Guest pelmetman

Sorry to hear about your father Capcloser. Another thing to consider is has he got any breathing problems such as angina. Only Dave's father has heart problems and even when the temperature drops in Spain he has dreadful problems with his breathing so we know in our hearts he would never survive the winter here if he did come back to the UK.

 

SUE

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Guest Peter James

My sister lived out there but kept up her National Insurance contributions so she can claim a UK pension.

If he hasn't done that he would certainly have problems.

This is a very common problem amongst ex-pats living in Spain.

The UK benefits system is hideously complicated and I don't know enough about it to advise you.

I think you would find more knowledge of this subject on an ex pats forum, or a benefits forum, than a motorhome forum. http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?f=139

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Guest Peter James
1footinthegrave - 2013-11-30 4:05 AM

 

Tell the authorities he's anything other than an expat, Roma gypsy seems flavour of the month, or Bulgarian (!) every other fecker and his brother seem to have no trouble coming to the UK without a pot to piss in, so why should he.

You sound like you have been reading too much of the Daily Mail.

Sure there are too many immigrants, but the overwhelming majority of those who have enough about them to emigrate to here are workers, not benefit claimants, and they wouldn't have much success if they tried claiming benefits - Unless they did it through fraud.

 

PS: I spoke to some of them when I caught them trying to get into the back of my lorry. The reason they want to come to Britain is because Britain has the least regulated labour market in Europe, making it the easiest country to disappear into the black economy.

Immigration drives down wages and drives up property prices, both of which seem to suit the Government. So they have long tackled illegal immigration in a half-hearted manner.

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He has been getting uk pension and a small spanish pension but i dont know about NI contributions,plus yes he does have breathing problems so winter here would be a disaster for him.I think his reasons for returning are his very limited vision which has made him a bit isolated in his flat,plus most of his drinking buddies are gone.Its a horrible situation as he has no other relatives here and i just feel helpless,perhaps get him over here and sort it out after is the best idea,its ironic cos if you asked him even 5years ago to come back he would have said no way! May try citizens advice next week
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Guest pelmetman
If he's getting a full UK state pension then his NI obligations are fully paid up I would of thought............Its getting your local council and NHS to accept responsibility for him is your problem :-S..........
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  • 2 weeks later...
So  someone left Britain to live in Spain or any where else for that matter and then after  forty odd years become infirm or whatever and then expect to come back to Britain and expect  the  Social services  [ US THE TAX PAYERS ] to  support them with housing and money and medical care , I would say on your bike mate ,you made your bed now lie in it, Not a popular statement I am sure  but that's my opinion.
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Not the first time i've heard that and i might agree but it is irrelevant to me cos he's my dad,anyway probably not an option now he's back in hospital for the 4th time in a month,if he dont stop drinking he will die but he wont listen,at the moment he wont answer my calls cos i asked him to give the booze,so dont know what will happen but i am in touch with his carer
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capcloser - 2013-12-12 7:20 AM

 

Not the first time i've heard that and i might agree but it is irrelevant to me cos he's my dad,anyway probably not an option now he's back in hospital for the 4th time in a month,if he dont stop drinking he will die but he wont listen....

 

Sorry to hear your Dad's still not doing too good cap'.....

 

I suppose even if you could sort something out this end, at 81(and in ill health)after 40 years in Spain, the move would be one helluva shock and upset to him (or anyone for that matter!), especially if, when he got here, he only ended up in some dingy, minimally staffed, "run for profit" care home... :-S

 

Cap'..you said up the thread that he was "lonely"..So is he just not mixing will folk much now then? because there are plenty of older folk over here in the UK who live like that, it seems to be an age/pride/not wanting to impose on others, thing(...and someone can still feel lonely, even in a crowded care home! :-S)

..or is it perhaps the case that he's now missing "home" and his family.....

Either way, it's difficult to know what to do for the best....

 

(..but you say he's "running out of money"..Surely they can't just lump him out, onto the street?.....)

 

 

 

 

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Guest pelmetman
PJay - 2013-12-12 7:41 AM

 

Sad to say, but the drinking seems to be the main means of socialising for ex-pats, in most countries. most also keep in little enclaves, of Brits, so why bother to live abroad? OK the weather maybe.

PJay

 

That's what my Dad say's as well :-|................he complains about being lonely although my older brother lives local...........but he has never been a pub goer so doesn't meet many people.........and all the friends they had when my mum was alive have either returned to the UK or popped their clogs :-S...........Its not helped by the estate where he lives is a virtual ghost town in the winter :-|

 

PS sorry to here your old mans back in hospital Cap..........at least they do have excellent hospitals if our experience of Torrevieja hospital is indicative of high standards ;-).........

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I think if it was my Dad, these would probably be my thoughts....

 

1footinthegrave - 2013-11-30 4:05 AM

 

... every other fecker and his brother seem to have no trouble coming to the UK without a pot to piss in, so why should he. Get him here first, and worry about the implications once he's here...

 

...that is, if capcloser's Dad still want's(or is well enough?) to come back "home"..... :-S

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Capclosers post is a good example for the younger ones who consider moving out of the UK. Getting older is not a choice its a fact. He chose to ignore his son's advise and now he's stuck and will no doubt aim to hoist some of his problems onto his son.

 

When my father was around whatever he decided was his affair only and never any part of mine. I organised his funeral and that was all. Sympathy is not a word I'm familiar with.. I hope my family consider me in a similar manner.

 

Capcloser has a difficult situation to resolve. I have laid down my facts. I never feel any guilt or remorse, it was his life not mine.

 

Best wishes Will

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capcloser - 2013-11-29 10:45 PM

 

Got a problem and havent a clue how to solve it.Dad lives in benidorm he is 81 not in best health and running out of money,he is also lonely but wont admit it,he lives in an apartment but doesnt own it.He now wants to return to the uk and has asked me to talk to social services here,but i am not convinced they will help,he would need somewhere to live etc.He has lived in benidorm for 40 years,anyone got any ideas?

Well, some on here rather lack humanity, it seems. It is easy to make decisions when young, that one comes to regret in older age. Many are admired for their courage when they set out, and some on here aspire to do as he has done. He is not alone in his predicament, and you are doing what I would hope any son/daughter might do for an ailing parent. Where he lives seems to me immaterial. He could just as easily be in a remote and distant part of the UK, and still be in similar circumstances.

 

Talking to Citizen's Advice is probably a good place to start. You might also try Age Concern, as his main problems are age related. But, why not try Social Services? He presents bit of a challenge and his circumstances, and your care for his wellbeing, may inspire someone to pull out the stops on your/his behalf. Nothing to lose, except for the time, I think?

 

Where do you live, and have you space to take him in on a temporary basis?

 

Does he rent his flat? Are there alternative places that he could move to in Spain for more company and care? Do you know his full financial circumstances, or only what he has chosen to tell you?

 

If he is determined to come back to UK, how would he travel? Road would be quite a trial, I think. He may not be accepted for air travel due to his health. This would be worth checking. Rail is a good possibility: less of a strain than road, and quicker, but would almost inevitably involve at least one overnight stop somewhere. However, no health restriction on rail travel, AFAIK. Long sea crossing via Bilbao or Santander any good as an alternative?

 

Are you able to speak to his doctor, to obtain an opinion on his fitness to travel, and/or prognosis? Don't want to be insensitive or melodramatic, but if he couldn't survive the journey, there would be little point setting out. After 40 years in Spain, I assume he must be fairly fluent in Spanish?

 

Is he aware of the changes that have taken place in the UK since the 70s? He may find he hates it here, and his real problem is just lack of company and the fact of his failing health. In which case, he is going to be unhappy wherever he fetches up. Have you been able to discuss this with him?

 

As he was in his early 40s when he went to Spain, I assume he has worked in Spain? Presumably, that is the source of his Spanish pension? Is he entitled to, and does he draw, any UK pension? If he was working up to the point he left the UK, he should have accumulated some entitlement.

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Thanks everyone you have put my own thoughts in perspective,he left his family at age 38 and fled to spain with an 18yr old barmaid,leaving mum to bring up 2 sons alone,i had no contact for 20yrs and now i feel a mixture of guilt and sod you, you decided to move to spain so get on with it,mum warned me he is very manipulating and she was right,not answering my calls is a good example,i've had everything crom tears to suicide threats,his young barmaid died at age 39 from booze,so he has been alone a while and all his drinking buddies are gone,also he is a nasty drunk so calls are sometimes a nightmare,he gets very abusive and i have had to hang up,posting on here has helped me feel less guilty,i have realised he is not my responsibility so thanks again.The fact is he wouldnt live long here and none of his surviving family will talk to him except me
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Each dependant must judge their own situation as they see it. My father walked out of my life when I was young and I had to support the family. I decided how I would act as the years progressed and did just that, it was a personal choice.

 

We do not know Capclosers circumstances and only he can decide what is best for him and his family.

 

Sorry not to be more helpful.

 

PS

 

Your reply post beat me. I can only be firm about my own position. Guilt is also a word I don't use.

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Thanks brian yes he ran a bar in benidorm so gets both uk and spanish pensions,but all i know is what he tells me.I have been in touch with his carer who tells me he is attention seeking,he told me he was in hospital with stroke then carer tells me he was actually drying out!,4 times in a month,the carers remove his booze but there is a bar and shop below his flat so he simply buys more,to be honest he would be no better off here,plus beer is more expensive,havent spoken to him in 2 weeks as i said he wont answer my calls cos i asked him to give up the booze,i like a drink myself but he can do a litre of brandy and more in a day so it is an illness with no cure except willpower
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Taking him in is not an option,regulars on here will recall i live in a fifth wheeler,also i am gay and dad has made his opinion on that very clear,one drunken call he offered to send me money to buy the services of a prostitute in his words to sort myself out,on another occasion he called mum and blamed her for me being gay said it was because i had no father figure! If it wasnt so sad it would be funny.I spent 2 wks with him about 4yrs ago,if any of you have spent time with a drunk you will realise it is hard work,he has terrible mood swings,on one occasion i ordered a coke cos didnt fancy a drink,so he introduced me to his friends as my son the poof,when i told him to f off he was all hurt and said i showed him up in front of his friends,i love my dad but i dont really like him,and my god i've never said that before but i feel better
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