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Pearls of wisdom


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Worthwhile advice from kids.


1. Never trust a dog to watch your food.


2. When your Dad is mad at you and says ‘Do you think I’m stupid?’ – DO NOT answer him.


3. Never tell your Mum that her diet is not working.


4. Stay away from prunes.


5. Never pee on an electric fence.


6. Don’t squat with your spurs on.


7. When your Mum is mad at your Dad don’t let her brush your hair.


8. Never let your three year old brother in the same room as your homework.


9. Don’t sneeze at the table when eating crackers.


10. A puppy always has bad breath even after eating a whole packet of polos.


11. Never try and hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.


12. Don’t wear polka dot underwear with white shorts.


13. If you really want a kitten start by asking for a horse and negotiate down.


14. Felt tip markers are no good as lipstick or eye shadow.


15. Don’t pick on your sister if she is holding a baseball bat.


16. When you get a bad school report show it to your Mum when she is on the phone.


17. Never try to baptise a cat.


18. Never try to get next doors cat to be friends with your dog.


19. Never eat baked beans or onions before your first date.


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Here's some more. NOT WHAT CONFUCIUS SAID.......





Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.


Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.


Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.


Squirrel who runs up woman’s' leg will not find nuts.


Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.


Man who runs in front of car gets tired,

man who runs behind car gets exhausted.


Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.


War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.


Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.


It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.


Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.


Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.


Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.


Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.




"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood



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