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Cecil Oh Cecil


Will86

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T'was Cecil the Lion who, when out for a stroll

met a dentist who offered sweet-talk and cajole,

see here said the dentist, I admire your great fame

let us wander together down memory lane.

 

Alas said the Lion, I'm told of your fame

you've been here before and stolen our game.

Not me said the dentist, my skills are worn teeth

in my luggage I carry, a nice wildlife wreath.

 

That’s odd thought our Cecil, I'm fitted already

he's up to no good, better tread soft and steady

The dentist was filled, with heavenly powers

seems he'd been here before, and often for hours.

 

The dentist took aim, and poor Cecil was dead

Oh well just another, to hang in the shed.

But Cecil has powers, of extortionate means,

each pulling of teeth, starts a nightmare of dreams.

 

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So, seeking for further amusement

They paid, and went into the park

Where they'd lions and tigers and camels

And cold ale and sandwiches too

There were one great big lion called Cecil

Whose nose was all covered with scars

As he lay in a som-no-lent posture

With the side of 'is face on the floor

Now Walter 'ad 'eard about lions

'Ow they was ferocious and wild

To see a lion lyin' so peaceful

Just didn't seem right to the bloke

So straightway the brave little feller

Not showin' a morsel of fear

Took 'is chance to annoy poor Cecil

And stuck is bow in't lions right ear

You could see that the lion din't like it

For givin' a kind of a roll

'E pulled Walter 'cross the clearing

And swallered the wee chappie - 'ole

Now 'is Mother 'ad seen this occurrence

And not knowin' what to do next

She 'ollered "Yon lion's et our Walter"

An' Father said "Ee, I am vexed"

They complained to an animal keeper

Who said "My, wot a nasty mis'ap

Are you sure it's your dentist 'e's eaten?"

Pa said, "Am I sure? There's 'is little white 'at"

The manager 'ad to be sent for

'E came and 'e said "Wot's to-do?"

Ma said "Yon lion's et our Walter

And 'im in 'is Safari clothes, too!"

Father said "Right's right, young feller

I think it's a shame and a sin

To 'ave our son et by a lion

And after we paid to come in."

The manager wanted no trouble

He took out his purse right away

Sayin' "'Ow much to settle the matter?"

Pa said "Wot do you usually pay?"

But Mother 'ad turned a bit awkward

When she saw where 'er Walter 'ad gone

She said "No, someone's got to be summonsed!"

So that was decided upon

And off they all went to p'lice station

In front of a Magistrate chap

They told what 'ad 'appened to Walter

And proved it by showing 'is 'at

The Magistrate gave 'is opinion

That no one was really to blame

And 'e said that 'e 'oped that the Palmers

Would add further sons to their name.

At that Mother got proper blazin'

"And thank you, sir, kindly," said she

"Spend all our lives raisin' dentists

To feed ruddy lions - lets have three"

 

With apologies to the late great Stanley Holloway!

 

 

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