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Noises in the night

George Collings

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This is nothing to do with rocking van syndrome.


We were parked up for the night on a car park outside a village on the border between France and Italy. We were intending to cross a minor pass the next day


After about 9pm the road to the pass went quiet and we went to bed. During the small hours we were woken by a thump close to the rear of the 'van. A minute or two later there as another noise followed by a thump and muffled sound from the front of the van.


Brave as ever I decided to sit tight and await developments but it went quiet and we drifted off to sleep.


Next morning all was revealed. There were muddy marks smeared part way up the back of the van behind the shiny tubular steel roof access ladder.


At the front a similar set of muddy marks led up the steeply sloping bonnet and half way up the windscreen.


We concluded that the animal responsible was an absent minded mountaineering cat with learning difficulties who had forgotten to bring ropes and suffered a couple of falls No doubt after picking itself up the cat started washing and pretended it never happened.


Incidentally there was a low weight or length limit on the pass but once it was dark a succession of large trucks rolled down from the pass, Obviously it was a short cut but a driver following his Satnav that way for the first time could have had a nasty surprise. as some of the hairpins were to say the least tight.

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George ..... tiptoeing Elephants are notoriously quiet ......

Q: Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmallow? 

A: So she wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.

Q: How do you get down from an elephant? 

A: You don't, you get down from an eider duck.

Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly? 

A: Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in your fridge? 

A: Footprints in the butter.

Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow? 

A: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.

Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard? 

A: No? Well, it must work.



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