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Quantas Airways


michele

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After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a

> "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the

> aircraft.

> The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on

> the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the

> next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a

> sense of humour. Here are some maintenance complaints

> submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the

> solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance

> engineers.

>

>

> By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never,

> ever, had an accident.

>

> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

>

> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

>

> P: Something loose in cockpit.

> S: Something tightened in cockpit.

>

> P: Dead bugs on windshield.

> S: Live bugs on back-order.

>

> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per

> minute descent.

> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

>

> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

> S: Evidence removed.

>

> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

> S: DME volume set to more believable level.

>

> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

> S: That's what friction locks are for.

>

> P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

>

> P: Suspected crack in windshield.

> S: Suspect you're right.

>

> P: Number 3 engine missing.

> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

>

> P: Aircraft handles funny.

>

>

> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be

> serious.

>

> P: Target radar hums.

> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

>

> P: Mouse in cockpit.

> S: Cat installed.

>

> And the best one for last.................

>

> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a

> midget pounding on something with a hammer.

> S: Took hammer away from midget

 

 

 

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Just a small point of interest, the airline is actually spelt QANTAS, because it isn't actually a word, rather it is an acronym.  It stands for Queensland And Northern Territory Aerial Services, the original company formed in the 1920's. 

It is formally the safest airline in the world, having never had an incident resulting in loss of life (touch wood!!).  And it used to be, not sure if it is now, that if you were an engineer and you made a mistake, say botching an engine service!, and if you reported it openly the minute you realised the mistake, no action at all would be brought against you.  I wish we saw that in other areas of life!!!

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Guest Frank Wilkinson
mom - 2006-12-21 8:06 AM

Just a small point of interest, the airline is actually spelt QANTAS, because it isn't actually a word, rather it is an acronym.  It stands for Queensland And Northern Territory Aerial Services, the original company formed in the 1920's. 

It is formally the safest airline in the world, having never had an incident resulting in loss of life (touch wood!!).  And it used to be, not sure if it is now, that if you were an engineer and you made a mistake, say botching an engine service!, and if you reported it openly the minute you realised the mistake, no action at all would be brought against you.  I wish we saw that in other areas of life!!!

I know that but I think that mine's better! There used to be some crackers - here's some British examples:

BA        Bloody Awful

                                

BEA      Better Eat Afterwards

 

BOAC   Better On A Camel

 

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