nowtelse2do Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Bit boring on here, and i'm over 60 *-) Because of my advanced age I can't remember if these have been posted before. Dave ************ When you're over sixty... I was standing at the bar onenight, minding my own business. This FAT ugly chick came up behind me,grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?" I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?" She said, "Yeah, I got a pen". I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you." Cost me 6 stitches...but, when youre over sixty................who cares? ********** Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please." Lady Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?" Cowboy: "Nah.. She's purty good lookin'....." When youre over sixty................who cares? *********** I was talking to a young woman in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost afew pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right. I said, If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you. Cost me a fat lip, but... When youre oversixty................who cares? *********** I was telling a woman in the pub about my ability to guess whatday a woman was born just by feeling her breasts. "Really" she said, "Go on then... try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patienceand said, "Come on, what day was I born?" I said, "Yesterday." Cost me a kick in the nuts, but... When youre oversixty................who cares? *********** I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I fell in it. Cost me a bloody nose, but... When youre oversixty................who cares? *********** I went to the pub last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on atable. I said, "Goodlegs." The woman giggled and said, "Do you really think so?" I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now." Cost me 6 more stitches, but... When youre oversixty................who cares? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antony1969 Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Very funny young man and a nice bit of light relief Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laimeduck Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 I'm over 60 too............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowtelse2do Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 You need to slow down a bit Jeremy. Try every 6 months :D :D Dave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laimeduck Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 nowtelse2do - 2017-02-11 6:00 PMYou need to slow down a bit Jeremy.Try every 6 months :D :D Dave Tee Hee .... ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebishbus Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 A widow and widower have been good friends for sometime. When out with a crowd ,someone said it's about time you two got married . Afterwards they thought about it and were discussing the pros and cons. He decided to bring up their personal relationship and asked her if she liked sex. She said yes dear ,but it must be infrequently . He thought a bit, lent over towards her and asked , Darling is that one or two words. Brian B. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowtelse2do Posted February 12, 2017 Author Share Posted February 12, 2017 Nice one Brian (lol) (lol) Come on Rich, you usually have some laughs.....was going to say jokes :D Dave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laimeduck Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 SEX AND GOOD GRAMMAROn his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumoured to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.The old Indian gave him a potion and, with a grip on his shoulder, warned ‘This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: ‘1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want." The man thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and asked: “How do I stop the medicine from working?" "Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,' he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon." He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.When she came in, he took off his clothes and said: "1-2-3!"Immediately, he was the manliest of men.His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked: "What was the 1-2-3 for?"............................ And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.