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This just in from some of our friends in the US


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We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us

that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough

motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the

largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his

head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2

was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not." Four is larger than



We haven't used Sears repair since.




My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I

gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a

quarter. She said, "you gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know,

but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and

went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so,

and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but they can

not do that kind of thing. " The clerk then proceeded to give me back

$1 and 75 cents in change.


Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.





I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the

local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER

CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by

cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be

crossing anymore."


>From Kingman , KS





My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the

person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry,

but they only had iceburg lettuce.


>From Kansas City




I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee

asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your

knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how

would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded,


"That's why we ask."


Happened in Birmingham , Ala.




The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.

I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She

asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals

blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on

earth are blind people doing driving?!"


She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS




At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker. She was leaving

the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully,

"This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was

spoken. We all just looked at each other with that

deer-in-the-headlights stare.


This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.





I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself

and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would

not turn on.


A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.





When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up

our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the

service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock

the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I

instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was

unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" His reply,

"I know. I already got that side."


This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , Mississippi




They walk among us... and the scary part is that they VOTE and they


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This reminds me of a story on the radio many years ago when an 'exchange' of nuclear missiles seemed likely.

They interviewed a lady in the U.S. whose family were showing off their nuclear shelter.

She said they had enough food water etc to live underground for up to 3 months as they had installed a large freezer.

She was asked " What happens when the power is cut off ? "

She replied " It's o.k. - we're insured"



They are not just in the U.S. though.

During the fuel crisis / shortages in the early seventies ( when all our oil was from the middle east ) I remarked to a colleague that oil fired central heating was looking a bit dodgy as supplies could not be guaranteed and he said

" Oh, we're o.k. - we've got a guarantee from our supplier"



I suppose it's what you could call 'limited awareness'




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In the mid seventies a colleague was a local councillor who was one of the "chosen" people, who in the event of a nuclear war would be rushed away to rule the earth from a bunker. He went away on a training week-end, (no really they did train for it!) He later told us what went on there.


One exercise involved the scenario whereby Leeds was hit with 2 nuclear bombs, an ground detonation bomb and an air one. This left a crater half a mile deep and a mile wide where the city had been. Their task was to sort out the logistics of what to do next. Several, supposedly highly intelligent and powerful, people spent 30 minutes working out how many trucks and diggers it would need to fill in the hole so that they could get the buses running again so people could get to the shops!!


We're all doomed! :-D

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That is truly amazing!


I do not doubt that it is true Tomo, because my Father was an Asst Head Postmaster in the GPO as was, Royal mail as it is now. He was also one of these "chosen" guys that went on these "practice sessions" as he was part of the Civil Defence team that existed for some years after WW2.


He told us that in one session they discussed at length what steps the Post Office should take to keep the mail moving and delivered.


In exasperation he and his boss told the group that it would be difficult to find the letterbox or the house number on a door that had been vaporised.


But the group just took it in their stride and then debated how the postman should be able to identify such a "vaporised" house and if it was not possible what facilities would be required for the backlog of undeliverable mail?


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