michele Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE Dear Mr. Thatcher I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horse riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favourite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants. Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing? As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realise it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that the UK is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period." Are you *+*#*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness - is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Nurofen and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Tesco's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"?- Or are you just picking on us? Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an £8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bulls**t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twooks Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 go get 'em girl :D :D :D B-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 Good complaint letter isnt it :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracker Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Too bloody near to the truth gal! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hymer C 9. Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Tell em like it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel B Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 But ..... they do make really good sterile dressings for badly sunburnt ankles!!! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 Ok Mel Have a happy period :D Hey by the way I didnt write it guys just incase you think its me .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoyH Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Michele Who did write it? did they get a reply? :-S Hey look! I only had one green star this morning now I've got two! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michele Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 No idea Roy just got it as a joke and thought you loy would like to see it . Anyway she is right as far as I am concerned when i SAW THE hAVE A HAPPY PERIOD BIT I nearly fell off the loo and i thought what silly B****done that . I ask you have a happy kick in the Ba*ls guys :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hymer C 9. Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 But Michele, I'm sure you would have expressed it equally well , and yes it did bring a smile. Carol. (lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dshague Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 nice one.ahahhaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.