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The Surrogate Father

Guest JudgeMental

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Guest JudgeMental



The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a

surrogate father to start their family. On the day the father was to

arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, 'I'm off. The man should be

here soon.'


Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang

the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning madam. I've come

to ....'


'Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you, 'Mrs. Smith cut in.


'Really?' the photographer asked. 'Well, good! I've made a specialty of



'That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat.


After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'


'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the

couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is

fun too; you can really spread out!'


'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me.'


'Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we

try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm

sure you'll be pleased with the results.'


'My, that's a lot of ...' gasped Mrs. Smith.


'Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in

and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure.'


'Don't I know it,,' Mrs. Smith said quietly.


The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his

baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus.'


'Oh my god!!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.


'And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their

mother was so difficult to work with.'


'She was difficult ?' asked Mrs. Smith.


'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job

done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to

get a good look.'


'Four and five deep?' asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.


'Yes,,' the photographer said. 'And for more than three hours, too. The

mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate.

Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the

squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in.'


Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'You mean they actually chewed on your,

um..equipment ?'


'That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so

that we can get to work.'




'Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big

for me to hold very long. Madam? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!'




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