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Man Rules


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The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

 

Finally , the guys' side of the story.

( I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear " the rules "

From the female side.

 

Now here are the rules from the male side.

 

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "

ON PURPOSE!

 

1.. Men are NOT mind readers.

 

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.

You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

We need it up, you need it down.

You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

 

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon

or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.

 

1. Crying is blackmail.

 

1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

 

1. Yes and No are pe rf ectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

 

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

 

 

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

 

 

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

Don't ask us.

 

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

 

1. You can either ask us to do something

Or tell us how you want it done.

Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

 

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

 

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

 

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

 

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.

We do that.

 

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

 

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

 

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

 

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or

motor sports

 

 

1. You have enough clothes.

 

1. You have too many shoes.

 

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

 

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

 

 

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

 

Pass this to as many men as you can -

to give them a laugh.

 

Pass this to as many women as you can -

 

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Explain yourself K&D. You still have'nt answered my original question.

If it's meant to be an insult, I don't know why you bothered as it was only a joke. If you can't handle it, then don't bother either reading or replying to my posts in future.

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No such word as smuck. If you meant smug or schmuck you got it wrong either way. If your'e going to insult somebody at least spell it right.

 

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Take your pick from Wickipedia definitions below K&D. I think 2 & 3 aptly apply to yourself, by the way.

 

1. A word used in place of 'feck' by Scott Landon in Lisey's Story, a novel by Stephen King.

 

"Ninety-eight percent of what goes on in people's heads is non e of their smucking business." -Lisey's Story, pg 318.

 

2. It is a Hebrew Word for the Foreskin that gets chopped off at birth. So when a person that is educated or a Jew calls you a Smuck. He or She is calling you a useless piece of dick.

 

I.E. a Smuck would go see the 2008 movie "never back down" or do things in attempt to appear "bigger" or manly. But factually a Smuck is weak and lame poser. Not so different from a Bro or a Gangster/Wangster.

 

3. to insert your penis into a can of spam while wearing a dress and listening to "you spin me right round" by billy idol.

bobby invited his friends over to smuck with him

 

4. (adjective) Unbalanced or unfair, especially in playground sports. If one team clearly has the better players, the teams would be considered smuck.

 

"No way, guys. These are smuck teams. Let's pick again."

 

5. To win a game with ease and a very high score, almost to the point of embarrassment.

 

"The score of that game was 80-2. It was a total smuck!"

 

6. A loud popping sound made by pressing the lips together, creating suction, then separating the lips.

 

Quit smucking, that's annoying.

 

7. a guy that cant pronouce shmuck!

 

Jeff cant say shmuck right so he is called a smuck

 

8. to like something or someone

 

I really smuck that girl man

 

9. When you hit your car and cause damage, but not enough damage to immobilize the vehicle. More than a 'bump' but less than a 'smash'. Typically used as a verb.

 

"ohhhh, I almost got smucked"

 

or

 

"Sorry honey, I smucked the car on the way home"

 

 

10. The combination of garbage and urine fumes that passes for air in New York City in August.

 

I need to take a shower. I'm completely covered in subway smuck!

 

11. How smurfs have sex or procreate.

 

"Boy, that Smurfette is worth a smuck, eh?

 

12. (n.) A small plop or pile, usually relating to feces and defecation.

 

"Mommy! I made poopy smucks!"

 

When something or someone smells and sucks at the same time.

 

Redneck 1: Boy howdy that sure did smuck.

Redneck2: yeah its much better when its your sister, eh?

to kiss or "smuck" with lips

 

quimby liked to smuck cocoa on the lips.

 

15. To be short, or arrogant with someone..

 

"Don't be smuck with me!!"

 

 

16. A loud kissing noise or a blatant display of affection.

 

Oooo I love you! You're so cute! Smuck!

 

17. Smeared Make-up Krew! T-Mac, Gizzle, M-Unit, Snoopy, and Maggarita. Smuck refers to a group of tight friends.

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Tracker - 2008-04-05 6:03 PM

 

Perhaps 'Peter' could change his name to 'Pedantic' after that last epistle!

Not being pedantic my friend, just couldn't understand why I was being insulted for posting a harmless joke. Especially by K&D who is normally a reasonable chap who I thought had a sense of humour.
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perhaps because you had called me a moron and an arsehole during the coarse of a few days, i.e the fishing and the minimum wage threads, i am a reasonable chap imo. and my first insult if you can call it an insult was hardly a punch in the eye was it, more of a harmless flick on the nose. if you can dish it out peter then you really need to learn to take it
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... especially since the only 'sex' that is battling are males!

 

Is it the rutting season yet? Maybe all the menfolk are just coming out of their hibernations and getting frisky, beating their chests and just want to make the biggest noise to attract the ladies! :->

 

Its working though, it's fun to 'watch' them hurl daft insults at each other. (lol)

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peter - 2008-04-04 8:34 PM

 

Take your pick from Wickipedia definitions below K&D. I think 2 & 3 aptly apply to yourself, by the way.

 

 

 

 

 

3. to insert your penis into a can of spam while wearing a dress and listening to "you spin me right round" by billy idol.

 

 

 

 

5. To win a game with ease and a very high score, almost to the point of embarrassment.

 

 

 

Smuck refers to a group of tight friends.

 

 

Peter, you really shouldn't believe everything you see on Wikipedia, for instance,

 

3."you spin me right round" was by Dead or Alive, not Billy Idol

 

5. Thats what the girls did in the "battle of the sexes" game

 

Final comment. A group of tight friends, doesn't that sum us all up ? Lighten up mate, we've all insulted and been insulted. It dont mean nothing.

 

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I don't really give a damn, Donna. But I like to give Dean a kick in arse now and again. Just to let him know who's boss. :D
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