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Seasonal Silliness....


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Christmas provides a rich opportunity for that most British of conversational characteristics, (although it has a French name!).....the "double entendre".



A few classic examples that you can try out yet again on your Mother-In-Law during her annual, jaw-clenchingly awful visitation this year; after you've imbibed a pint or two of the Bristol Cream to bolster your bravery:




1. I prefer breast to legs

2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3. Smother the butter all over the breasts!

4. If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!

5. I've never seen a better spread!

6. I always fancy a little dark meat.

7. Are you ready for seconds yet?

8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

9. Just wait your turn, you'll get a good filling in the end!

10. Don't play with your meat.

11. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.

12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

13. I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!

14. You still have a little bit on your chin.

15. How long will it take after you put it in?

16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

17. Just pull the end and wait for the bang.

18. That's the biggest bird I've ever had!

19. I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning

20. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more!


And finally, the all-time classic, guaranteed, once delivered to the old Hag with a knowing wink, to earn you a bit of piece on Crimble afternoon to watch "The Great Escape" for the 37th time, after M.I.L. then storms out, and Wifey refuses to talk to you for a week....


21. Yes, everyone in the family says you've always enjoyed a good stuffing.






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