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The Darwin Awards......


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Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.





Here is the glorious winner:


1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder.

He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.

This time it worked.






And now the honorable mentions (number 10 is of particular note for the MH community..........):




2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting

machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his

insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men

to have a look for himself.

He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.

The chef's claim was approved.


3. A man who shoveled snow for over an hour to clear a space for his car during a

blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the

space. Perfectly understandably, she was shot by him.


4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver

found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from

Harare to Bulawayo had escaped.

Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the

driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free


He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the

staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies..

The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.


5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head

wounds received from an oncoming train.

When asked how he received the

injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he

could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.


6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter,

and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled

a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly

provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20

bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15.

[if someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]


7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.

He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some

booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at

the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the

head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of

Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape...


8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed

her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able

to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the

police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to

the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there

for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's

the lady I stole the purse from."


9.. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger

King in Ypsilanti Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.

The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register

without a food order.

When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they

weren't available for breakfast... The man, frustrated, walked away.



10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a

Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained


Police arrived at the scene to find a very very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.

A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.

The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.


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Then there is the guy on another forum whose ferry was diverted from St Malo to Cherbourg on good friday because of damage to the St Malo linkspan.

He now wants to be recompensed because the ferry diverted and he had further to drive.


Alternative was - sorry pal we can't go - jetty is stuffed - and so is your holiday!



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Talking of numpties having had a full day drinking in York one of the lads decided to get train back to Huddersfield early as the beer had taken its toll . His schedule was as follows train from York he fell asleep went through Huddersfield ended up in Manchester , took another train from Manchester fell asleep went through Huddersfield ended up back in York , from York another train fell asleep went through Huddersfield back to Manchester eventually managing to get a coach from Manchester to Huddersfield 10 clock Sunday morning eventually getting home Sunday lunchtime
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Guest pelmetman
One of my many numpty moments :$ ....Having been on a run ashore, and consumend a bit to much giggle juice, decided to buy a Chinese meal on the way back on board :D ..................Woke up the next morning..... I'd put the Chinese under my pillow *-) .......my mess mates thought I'd had suffered a axe attack (lol)
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