donna miller Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 These jokes were sent to me in an email from a work coleague, whilst they are rather sexist, a couple did make me giggle. I bought the wife a Memory Stick, it's great! She hasn't forgotten my beer, dinner or sex once since the first beating. A man approaches a young woman in a shop. he says I can’t find my wife, can I talk to you for a few minutes? the woman says sure but do you have any idea where your wife is? Not a clue he says but whenever I talk to a woman with tits like yours she appears out of nowhere! My sexy Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate for a roger. It was only when I had my trousers round my ankles, that I realised she wanted to rent her spare room out!! Wife says to husband "You only ever want sex when you're drunk" husband says "thats not true....... sometimes I want a kebab" Stephen Hawking went on his first date in 10 years, and when he got back , his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees, Apparently she'd stood him up Kate Middleton asked the Queen for advice on marriage and a long relationship... she replied "Wear a seatbelt and don't p155 me off!" I was talking to a girl in the pub the other night and I said "You remind me of my little toe" She said "Is that because I'm small and cute??" I replied "No it's because i'll probably end up banging you on the coffee table later" A farmer gets a phone call from his son. I`ve run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive....shoot it says the farmer, and then bury it.... about 20 mins later he gets another call.... done that, what should I do with the speed camera and the motorbike? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracker Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 As I do so love anything non PC they made me chuckle Donna and I do so like a good chuckle too - it's free, it's harmless, and with luck it's contagious! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donna miller Posted July 20, 2011 Author Share Posted July 20, 2011 Ha Ha, come to think of it Rich, with your avatar being as small as it is, you do look quite like one of the chuckle brothers. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracker Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 donna miller - 2011-07-20 4:40 PM Ha Ha, come to think of it Rich, with your avatar being as small as it is, you do look quite like one of the chuckle brothers. :D Gee thanks Donna - from what very little I have seen of the chuckle bros, they are two of the creepiest gits on tv! Yuck! My name is actually Dickiemint and I comes from Knotty Ash, home of all the best Doddy Diddymen! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel B Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 donna miller - 2011-07-20 4:40 PM Ha Ha, come to think of it Rich, with your avatar being as small as it is, you do look quite like one of the chuckle brothers. :D Spot on Donna! (lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracker Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 Far be it that I mention what Mel's avatar dog looks like it is doing then! And Donna's T shirt proves that you can get an 'OO' with not only Typhoo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel B Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 The dog is pretty much doing what poor little Lily does every time she thinks we're going on another bl**dy ferry ... panics! 8-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracker Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 Panics eh - that's new word for what it looks like! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pkc Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Lapdancing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donna miller Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 pkc - 2011-07-21 7:03 AM Lapdancing? You must frequent some seriously kinky clubs. Most of the ones I've seen have women dancers 8-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracker Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Having led a sheltered life I have never been to a lap dancing joint - so I rest assured at Donna's superior experience - but even I don't dare ask her how she got that experience and whether the T shirt featured in the gaining of her knowledge! C'mon Donna show us a real picture of yourself and let us all bear witness to just how gorgeous you really are! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pkc Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 donna miller - 2011-07-21 8:04 AM pkc - 2011-07-21 7:03 AM Lapdancing? You must frequent some seriously kinky clubs. Most of the ones I've seen have women dancers 8-) 'No Donna, but I have dated a few bitches and a couple of real 'dogs' when I've had a couple of scoops too many. :-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donna miller Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 Rich, come on now, I'm a modern woman living in the 21st century, we went to Prague on a Hen do a few years ago and nearly all the clubs had lap and pole dancers in them. Nothing wrong with watching extremely beautiful Russian girls doing their best fireman impressions. :-> As for the photo, well twice I've put my real photo up as an avatar, this current one may, or may not be one of those times. How good is your memory :-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracker Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Flippin 'eck Donna - I can't remember what I had for breakfast today let alone a photo from pre war days! Most of me still works as the maker intended but the old memory needs few more accesible gigabytes! Of all the things that I have lost over the years - I miss my mind the most! With the greatest of respect Donna (which is my way of saying I am going to be rude!) I suspect that when you looked like theGoogle girl she was not even a distant thought in the inventor's head - even if he had been born! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donna miller Posted July 22, 2011 Author Share Posted July 22, 2011 I got a letter through the post earlier and on the envelope it said 'Please Do Not Bend'. I thought to myself, 'How am I supposed to pick it up?' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BGD Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 I still reckon that Tracker is holding up a condom in his photo.......................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woody. Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 Hey BGD , so thats what it is , i always wondered ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woody. Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 Hey donna i just love this blondes logic ; Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year... that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Hellooooo? It's been a year, I told him!! There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracker Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 My wife tells me that she once felt like an idiot - so that's why she married me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairweather camper Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 Hi all, This is the first time I have been in this forum, you are all raving bonkers, its great, keep up the good work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracker Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 Hi Valerie - what a dreadful thing to say about us lot on 'ere! We are absolutely not ALL raving bonkers on 'ere and in fact quite a few have no sense of humour at all - as will become apparent as time passes! Whether they were born that way or had a 'sohectomy' on the NHS nobody knows! Anyway, a warm welcome to the almost mad house and we look forward to some barmy input from you too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pelmetman Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 Tracker - 2011-07-31 5:53 PMWhether they were born that way or had a 'sohectomy' on the NHS nobody knows! Sohectomy8-)..........................Hope I don't have to have that done as I've got a big one:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracker Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 pelmetman - 2011-07-31 6:00 PMTracker - 2011-07-31 5:53 PMWhether they were born that way or had a 'sohectomy' on the NHS nobody knows!Sohectomy8-)..........................Hope I don't have to have that done as I've got a big one:DWatch out then Dave as big ones are the hardest to remove - allegedly! - or so I am told by those who used to have big ones but have had to have soh reduction surgery to make themselves more uptight and less able to laugh at themselves! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.