Guest JudgeMental Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 SOCIALISM? You have 2 cows.? You give one to your neighbour?? COMMUNISM? You have 2 cows.? The State takes both and gives you some milk?? FASCISM? You have 2 cows.? The State takes both and sells you some milk?? NAZISM? You have 2 cows.? The State takes both and shoots you?? BUREAUCRATISM? You have 2 cows.? The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away?? TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM? You have two cows.? You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income?? SURREALISM? You have two giraffes.? The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.?? AN AMERICAN CORPORATION? You have two cows.? You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.?? A GREEK CORPORATION? You have two cows. You borrow lots of Euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds. You still only have two cows.?? A FRENCH CORPORATION? You have two cows.? You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.?? A JAPANESE CORPORATION? You have two cows.? You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.?? AN ITALIAN CORPORATION? You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.? You decide to have lunch.?? A SWISS CORPORATION? You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.?? A CHINESE CORPORATION? You have two cows.? You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.?? AN INDIAN CORPORATION? You have two cows.? You worship them.?? A BRITISH CORPORATION? You have two cows.? Both are mad.?? AN IRAQI CORPORATION? Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.?? AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION? You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.?? A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION? You have two cows.? The one on the left looks very attractive... A DUTCH CORPORATION You have two cows. The white one gets stoned and decides that it hates the black one. Thankfully, nobody can understand what either cow is trying to say. THE NHS The government had two cows in 1948, which was plenty. It decided to take the cows and give everyone who was thirsty free milk. Unfortunately, now if you're thirsty you have to see your milkman first, then be referred to see a Milk Drinking Specialist, then wait 6 months before getting your milk. But if you're REALLY thirsty, you can go straight to the depot, where you will wait overnight in the parking garage, before being told to go see your milkman. NOAH You have two cows. But you’ve got two of everything, so it’s not really that special. ZIMBABWE You have two cows. You carefully remove the white patches from one of them and it dies. You do the same to the other; curiously, it also dies. RUSSIA You have two cows. All three of them voted for the president. YAHOO You have two cows You make the farmer bring them into the office to milk them THE RELIGIOUS You are certain you have two cows, despite never actually seeing them. ?And you will kill anyone who disagrees ATHEISTS You definitely don't have any cows, because they don't exist AGNOSTICS You might have a cow, but you're not sure. APATHEISTS In the absence of the ability to prove or disprove the existence of cows, you are happy to admit you're not sure if cows might exist. However, even if someone proved the existence or absence of cows, it wouldn't affect your behavior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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