Winter Fuel Allowance

[laimeduck]

IMPORTANT INFORMATION FOR PENSIONERS

 

WINTER FUEL ALLOWANCE

 

About this time of the year, older taxpayers will again be receiving another 'Winter Fuel’ payment.

 

This is indeed a very exciting programme and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:

 

Q. What is a 'Winter Fuel’ payment ?

A. It is money the government will send to taxpayers.

 

Q. Where will the government get this money ?

A. From taxpayers.

 

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

A. Only a smidgen of it.

 

Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and electricity...or a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

 

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.

 

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by spending your 'Winter Fuel’ cheque wisely:

 

* If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China, Taiwan or Sri Lanka

 

* If you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs

 

* If you purchase a computer it will go to India, Taiwan or China

 

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala

 

* If you buy an efficient car it will go to Japan or Korea

 

* If you purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan

 

* If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

 

Instead, keep the money in the UK by:

 

1. Spending it at car boot sales

 

2. Going to night clubs

 

3. Spending it on prostitutes

 

4. Buying beer or whisky

 

5. Getting yourself a Tattoo

 

6. Visiting a bookie

 

(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )

 

Conclusion: Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night !

 

[Guest pelmetman]

laimeduck - 2013-11-25 8:22 AM

 

Conclusion: Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night !

 

What? 8-)........................at my age *-)..........................

 

 

 

 

 

 

I doubt I could manage 24hrs :-S

[Guest 1footinthegrave]

I think we should all give up our bus passes, then the buses could trundle round all day with no one on them. ;-) mind you most of ours do anyway even with free bus passes............................... :-S

 

I'd far sooner we gave UK tax payers money to the 200,000 Roma gypsies..........with more arriving any time soon (!)

 

and the bloke in our road who's managed never to work for at least 20 years, mind you in fairness he couldn't fit a job in, he's too busy down the beach sea fishing most days.

[Archiesgrandad]

Someone may be able to help me with this one. We have just about completed the purchase of a rather nice house in the South of France, and amongst the odd bits of work we are having done ready for when we move there when we retire next year, we are having a new wood burning stove fitted, just for those evenings when it turns a bit chilly. Does anyone know if our £300 fuel allowance will buy us enough logs to see us through the winter, or will we have to spend some of our own money as well.

AGD

[Tracker]

You are indeed lucky to get £300 wfa as most of us only get £200 - and you could always use it to buy a year's supply of Aeriel for the washing machine!

[malc d]

Archiesgrandad - 2013-11-25 12:18 PM

 

Does anyone know if our £300 fuel allowance will buy us enough logs to see us through the winter, or will we have to spend some of our own money as well.

AGD

 

 

Your fuel allowance IS your own money - or will you be having it paid into a separate account somewhere, under someone elses' name ?

 

:-D

[Guest 1footinthegrave]

Archiesgrandad - 2013-11-25 12:18 PM

 

Someone may be able to help me with this one. We have just about completed the purchase of a rather nice house in the South of France, and amongst the odd bits of work we are having done ready for when we move there when we retire next year, we are having a new wood burning stove fitted, just for those evenings when it turns a bit chilly. Does anyone know if our £300 fuel allowance will buy us enough logs to see us through the winter, or will we have to spend some of our own money as well.

AGD

 

In short no, you will be spending some of your own cash as well like all of us, it's a bloody sight colder in most of France during the winter compared to the UK......... ;-)

[Dave225]

We are like Tracker in that we only get £200 per household. Of which I only get £100 as I found out that the other £100 goes into the wife's account. When I asked for it to pay for the 'leccie' all I got was a smile and a 'I am off to the shops' quip as the door closed behind her.

 

I knew that giving women the vote was a very bad idea, now they think they can have the money as well. Whatever next??

[Retread24800]

Archiesgrandad - 2013-11-25 1:18 PMSomeone may be able to help me with this one. We have just about completed the purchase of a rather nice house in the South of France, and amongst the odd bits of work we are having done ready for when we move there when we retire next year, we are having a new wood burning stove fitted, just for those evenings when it turns a bit chilly. Does anyone know if our £300 fuel allowance will buy us enough logs to see us through the winter, or will we have to spend some of our own money as well.AGD

 

Good quality logs here in Dordogneshire cost c 38€ per M3 so £200 helps but will not cover a full winter especially as it can be a bit chilly behind Grasse, remember though that you get a tax rebate if you have the wood burner installed by a registered tradesman. More info through most Expat fora ie  http://www.france-forum-frenchentree.com/ 

Still its a bit academic now, Should have joined the posh boys in Chianti shire who 'just happened' to retain their WFL next year  :-(