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get your own back on telesales


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10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you

asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all

these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are

sore, my dog just died...."


9. If they say they're John Smith from XYZ Company, ask them to

spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then

ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal

questions or questions about their company for as long as



8. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how

have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief

moments of pause as she tries to figure out where she could

know you from.


7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and

Friends plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I

don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"


6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you are just about to

file for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.


5. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask

if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips.


4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry

you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not

just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.


3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them

if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call

them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give

out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone

bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and

you say, "Now you know how I feel!"


2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a

joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your



And first and foremost:


1. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY

WORD down.

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I hate to tell you this but we have been in France for 7 years and the past year has seen us receiving calls from telesales people. If we act numb and say "parlez vous Anglais" the answer usually is Non!! so we put the receiver down but occasionally they call our bluff and say "Oui" then we have to think of another excuse. So its not only UK that is getting pestered.
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I had one for windows ..The guy said would you like new windows .

I replied oh yes I would

he kept on chatting a load of s**te and I said oh ah sounds lovely.

He talked me through this long legal document they have to read to you .

When he got to the end I said oh lovely ok should I tell you how many windows ? yes he said i told him then I said do you think the council do this often ? he said whats that I said pay for people windows ? Only i reckons its really nice of them just to let us do it and them pick up the tab .

he said but madam I said call me anything but Madam . Now he didnt know what to say ...I said ok carry on he said but Mrs ...B you never said you were council ...I said you never asked ..




Another time I leave the phone and say hang on someones at the door

and other times I say she's not in

sometimes I say just plain what you selling ..

I have been known to say you phone this house again and I will report this as a malicious phone call :D now sod off


I have even given the phone to Rose before now thats a laugh !!i sit here chuckling

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Depends if they're selling Viagra or not though, you could actually encourage them! :-D


Best one I had was when I was at Mum's flat and answered the phone, they were selling double glazing ... it's a council owned house ... they persisted though as some people (apparently!) still put it in! 8-)8-)8-)8-)


My best one was when I got a call for double glazing ... "We'll pay for the downstairs, you pay for upstairs" .... great!!!! :-> I had them going for ages before I told them I have a bungalow ... they didn't want to give me the downstairs for free then. :-(

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We have the full hit of DG, but still used to get the calls. One day I arranged for their salesman to call, but on a day I was in work. I received a call on my mobile from the salesman if he had the right address because no one was in. I told him yes and asked him to look at the windows, then asked him if they looked all right, to which he agreed. I then told him if he could let his company know so that they wouldn't call anymore because they never listened to me!


Since then not one double glazing salesperson has called. That was about 3 years ago. Cruel but effective >:-)

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It's a lousy job - but often the only one in the area that's available.

It's boring - inflexible and closely monitored - heaven help them if they don't achieve their target calls -


next time - try imagining how you'd feel if it was your daughter / son being subjected to this kind of response. It's not the people who're calling you that you should be aiming at - it's the companies - try bombarding their managing director instead





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I concur. No need to be rude or waste their time as like everyone else they are simply trying to earn a living. Always firm but polite, and make it quite clear that i,m not interested if thats the case. If they then persist I hang up and its done with.
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I must admit I agree that the best policy is just to politely say you don't want it and then hang up. I only had my 'fun' with the double glazing chap as this was the 4th call I'd had from someone from the company in as many days and after the 2nd call I'd already asked them to make sure I wasn't contacted again. If they can't be bothered to update their records and give my number to another person to ring me then they are wasting their own staff's time. Still think it was rotten not to let me have the free downstairs windows though ... :-(
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