Ned Swift Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 ......and so that you will all come to me I am going to provide the following services: 1. If you call, I will get my agressive receptionist to always tell you I am with a customer 2. Our after sales service will be focussed purely on getting you to buy another MH after this one and I will joke with you that the van you just bought from us should be condemned 3. If you come in for any warranty or repair work, it will be incomplete so that you have to fix it yourself on your driveway (oh how we will laugh) 4. When you collect the van it will be dirty inside and out and we will use your cutlery tray as a tool box, mmm nice and oily 5. If you ask about the Fiat X250 and it's problems (cos that's mostly what will be on the forecourt) I will tell you that it's just a rumour started on internet forums and not a real issue and by the way none of ours have that problem 6. We will laugh and joke with you and give you a free coffee as long as you pretend to be interested in buying a van otherwise **** off 7. If we make a mistake and happen to valet your MH (believe me it won't happen often) then our young valeter will get overexuberant with the polisher and take the paint off the corners of your panels 8 Fully serviced and valeted to showroom condition means that we showed it a can of oil and then it rained 9. ......and if you were stupid enough to buy a warranty, thank you from the bottom of our hearts, do you see that new BMW outside, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Finally, the funniest thing is that you will be back again next month for more of the same, and year after year as you try and get the right bed layout !! God I feel better now Ned :-( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melvin Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 You must be the dealer I brought my motorhome off, I am pleased your are looking to improve your standards, however if you do any repairs (heaven forbid) you can bodged them up and say its the best we can do or we have no staff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ned Swift Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 Sorry Melvin too busy and important to talk to you, unless you have any money left?? In which case I am listening. Usually you will have to wait at least two or three days for a reply as I can't be ar*sed to speak to you and if I can make you feel unimportant then so much the better. I might even call you MR Melvin as I have also perfected patrionising people on the telephone. Tell you what though, why don't we have an owner's club / Jamboree or Social event or some other crappy idea so that you think that we think you are special. Will you fall for it - ha ha ha ?? Everytime. Welcome to the world of Motorhoming, follow the lemmings down to my showroom.... come on , you know you need a microwave in yours .... Ned ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rolandrat Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Hey Ned, with those credentials you will go a long way, a millionaire in double quick time, just be a little more arrogant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corky 8 Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Ned. I should have come to you seems like I would have got a better deal than I did, :-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ned Swift Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 Well MR Rat, let me tell you there is no recesion here, we're selling 50 units a month and that's what I am telling all my staff to tell everyone. If you muppets thought people had stopped buying them then you might not buy one either. Don't you know what a lemming is?? God and I thought my sales staff were thick. Ned :-| Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ned Swift Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 Well Corky. make sure you get dressed up before you come round, You see we sit in the sales office watching the compound and anyone who doesn't look like they are falling over their wallet will get our new salesman. He joined us a week ago and hasn't got a clue, he is learning though (he thinks an Apache is a Helicopter) as I told him to agree to whatever you ask and is being trained on the job. Ned :-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rolandrat Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Keep it going Ned I'm hanging on to my chair with laughter, it's about time we had some banter like this, there's a lot of truth in what's being said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordThornber Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 I can't wait for some witty beggar, (i.e. not me), to come with a name for the place, please don't use Swift in it though, as in Ned... or we'll get binned. Martyn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keithl Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Has Ned been to the Arthur Daley school for second hand motorhome dealers? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basil Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Blimey! For a moment I thought this was a joke, I didn't realise you are being serious!!! 8-) 8-) 8-) Bas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ned Swift Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 Yes Martyn that's the point - if you could deal with the manufacturer directly then WHOAA NEDDY - me and my team would be out of a job, no flash cars, taking the mick out of customers and we haven't got a CSE between us. What could we do ?? Can you imagine, the crazy world where you dealt with the manufacturer and they had a sales and service department, no dealers ???!!! Oh my god the world would end - you might get decent service (or even some service, they would be accountable for their products and have a vested interest in keeping the customer happy) !!!!!!!!! This is outrageous, let's just keep the status quo were every time you come round I get your money, damage your van and leave you feeling crap. I thought you were going to get out of hand there Martyn, you see, I've been watching you all, I've been in dealerships, three or four round my way and you are weak. You come along in one's and two's with your little comments or complaints BUT NOBODYS LISTENING because you are all nice well to do middle class types. Revolutions weren't started by people like you. Can you imagine if you all got together and paraded outside my place - then we'd listen but IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN Ha ha ha ha Ned 8-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Usinmyknaus Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Ned, isn't the dealership you own the one where the sales team were recruited after being sacked by a major chain of estate agents because they were too devious? :-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ned Swift Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 What makes you think I would be paying good money to get trained / experienced sales staff? Devious ones cost too much. Honestly, you must be missing the point here! Here's a funny thing though, I've had a stranded customer waiting all afternoon for some help, sitting by the phone waiting for our service department to call so he can go on holiday at the weekend. Everytime he called, our ferocious receptionist made him feel even more stupid !! ha ha We didn't phone him back and now all his plans are shafted, his van won't have any hot water all bank holiday !! Ha ha what a muppet ! Ned :-D :-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyStothert Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 I have a nice one owner Fiat van conversion which would be absolutely ideal as your first purchase for a spot of overcharging the gullible lump-summers or recently retired. It even has genuine supporting paperwork to say it is now completely perfect and has a transmission which probably (well maybe) won't break on a hill. You could photo-copy the Fiat documents and use it for all the other perfect Fiat second hand stock. I think Fred should be along soon to give this better than average dealership a suitable name. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracker Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Arfer Daly's Quality Motorhomes for the dazed, bewildered and confused - customers may not be dazed bewildered and confused when they arrive - but sure will be once we have their cash! Sounds familiar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowtelse2do Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 LordThornber - 2009-05-20 4:01 PM I can't wait for some witty beggar, (i.e. not me), to come with a name for the place, please don't use Swift in it though, as in Ned... or we'll get binned. Martyn ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I think, Mick (Graball's)Martin Motorhome's, MfP= Motorhomes for Pil*o*ks "(whoop's thats MMM. need to be carfull here)" May be a good name. You can start up at a little place just South of Glasgow called Gobel's, Global's (no thats to grand) Aha its Grabyrballs. Dave :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fred grant Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 us is short of a dealership in our part of cornwall ned me ansum. so perhaps theres a opening. but be carefull my biddy as we don do handshakes down yer, us grabsubytheballs. fubsyfred Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wills Wagon Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Sorry I am lost. I have already bought my motorhome from you and after sales service is even worse than you suggest. My latest escapade was to phone up about a warranty item only to be told by the tart on the phone it was in hand and I would be told when the parts were in stock. Got fed up and explained what customer service should be and she put the phone down on me. Emailed one of your Directors who told me he would reply in a day ot two and of course true to form he didn't. When I phoned he wouldn't talk to me at the start but after persuading the tart he did and of course what he told me didn't help. I have now had your business philosophy explained. Sell as many motorhomes as possible to keep your sales staff in BMW/Mercs/Audis but delay all warranty work as it doesnt pay. Then hey presto once the warranty period has expired we will be delighted to relieve you of your hard earned money. Brilliant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ned Swift Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 Oh yes I remember you Mr Wagon, just because you have a perfectly reasonable claim, are polite and decent with us doesn't mean that we won't treat you like a sucker. What are you going to do about it, where are you going to go - there is NOWHERE to go. And Fred, well, think on carefully me ansum, you might think you haveballsinhand but look whose signing the cheques !! If you can afford these motorhomes then you must have either a lot of free time, money or both - but individually you have no power to make any difference on the shoddy service you continually complain about. QED - blah blah blah and this doesn't exclude ""Award Winning"" places either, which we are Ned 8-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dshague Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 what are your part exchange prices like please .and will you be giving a loyalty discount . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colin Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Sounds to me like you're trying to raise the standard to unknown heights, you'll never make money with such a caring attitude to your customers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ned Swift Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 Well of course my dealership doesn't really exist, the tongue has been firmly in cheek today but we have kicked around the reality behind the gloss perhaps. The examples above are all real. These are the experiences of being a customer for these products and I am yet to be convinced that the alternative is out there. I am afraid the evidence is overwhelming, it's NO WONDER SOME PEOPLE BUILD THEIR OWN ! Ned :-S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catinou Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Great thread Ned - We too bought from your dealership, or your previous one maybe??? :-S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fred Duck Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 catinou - 2009-05-21 5:58 AM Great thread Ned - We too bought from your dealership, or your previous one maybe??? :-S Us too - but if I post anything about it, the thread gets pulled :-( FD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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